Exactly. I don't put up with stuff like that. I just move on to the next chick that thinks 'dating' is meeting at a bar and hooking up that night.;)

Well I have a little update on the whole situation. He came over last night and I was talking about how my parents are coming to see me this weekend. He was like, "so am I good enough to meet your parents?" and I was like "Um I don't know, do you want to?" and he just kinda laughed and was like, "I don't know, then they might love me." I don't think I want to introduce him to my parents because I don't know how I would- like "Hey Mom, this is John, the guy I'm hanging out and hooking up with!" and I don't want her to get all involved in it like she usually tries to. Then later on in the night he brought up the relationship talk again and kinda said like "well do you just wanna be my girlfriend?" and I said "No, not if you're going to ask like that, just forget it, you told me where you stand" and then he acted like I had been all hurtful and rejected him. I only said that because he seemed like he asked in a joking matter AND he had been drinking earlier and even thoguh I don't think he was drunk, I don't want things to be like that.

Everyone's posts are really making me consider just breaking this off if he doesn't want me as a girlfriend. Are ultimatums (sp?) a bad thing?

Yes. If you give an ultimatum, then if he says he wants you to be his girlfriend, you'll never know if that's what he REALLY wants or if he just gave into pressure. Don't do it. Either walk away or accept things as they are for now and see what happens but DO NOT introduce him to your mother.

Get rid of him. If someone isn't willing to give you what you want and deserve, don't waste your time hoping that they will "come around." If someone wants to be with you, they will be with you. PERIOD. And if they don't, they won't! I know it's easier said than done, but looking back at my pre-marriage relationships I realize I'd have saved myself a lot of heartache if I'd just stopped making excuses for boys!

I don't think it's about anger (for some it may be!) but about being realistic....there are tons of great guys out there, and tons of crappy ones, and sometimes it's too easy for people to make excuses for bad behavior and blind themselves to the difference.

BIG HUG

-Rudey
--I've found big hugs help on Greekchat!

You are acting like 12 years old . . . or ok maybe 16. This is one of those situations where if both parties just said what they meant, sans the sarcasm and double-talk everything would be clear.

You were supposed to have grown out of that type of behavior in high school. However, you are not alone, most people keep doing it their entire lives.

If he is treating you well and you like him, the only question you need to ask is whether you can handle having a good relationship without the title.

If the title is the clincher for you, which is fine, then you have to bail because you have already screwed things up by giving him stupid attitude instead of just saying what you meant and leaving it at that.

Valkyrie is right, ultimatums are abad idea. But what you have been doing is likewise bad, you are using negative emotion to manipulate him into asking you to "go steady". Everytime the topic comes up and he doesn't ask you you "punish" him with more bad attitude.

So even if he asks you out now, you won't know whether its really because he wants you, is afraid to lose you, or feels guilty or miserable because of the attitude you are giving him.

Why do you girls (some) have to ruin good things with such inept people skills?

Also, just as an aside, I wonder if he holds it against you that you were mentally cheating on your last boyfriend with him . . .. I am sure any of his friends would have spotted that and thought it was "beat."

I don't understand what else she "deserves?" He is treating her well, they are having a good time. He is just not giving it a title. Is the title that much of a clincher for all of you that you want to ditch a good relationship? If so why?

i personally dont think that "talking" to someone is a good idea. it usually never leads to anything good .... and its just a cop out for either person to hook up with other people, too. -- because you know half the time you arent really exclusive when your "talking".
WVU Alpha Phi - you should just let him go. he sounds like hes not that good of a guy if hes pinning things on you. theres plenty of other BETTER guys out there that wont play head games with you, and you deserve it! :)
so - just stop thinking you did something wrong, and stop thinking of how you can save you and him - and find a neeeew guy :) im sure it'll be worth it once you find someone else!!!

If she wants to be in a relationship (which it appears she does!), then she "deserves" someone who will call her a girlfriend and be in a committed relationship, not someone she is "talking" to, "hooking up" with, "f-- buddies" with, or whatever other euphemism you want to throw on the scenario. Whether this guy is "treating her well" or not, it doesn't seem that he's giving her the committed relationship she wants!

I'm confused by this. Did I leave the impression that I was "mentally cheating" on my last boyfriend?

I didn't get that impression!

Look, you're not dumb, you can see through his b.s. and realize that even if you guys do start a relationship, this is the kind of attitude you'll have to deal with from him. From the sounds of it, you derserve a whole lot better and inside you are not interested in a crappy relationship.

So here are your options, date him and try to change his behavior (men love this scenario). Or give him to the sloppy seconds pigpen outside your door. In either case, it would be too soon to introduce to your parents other than the soon-to-be-fuck buddy. Hey, if he's around long enough, they'll get to meet him, but don't let his ego contaminate your birth givers.

Have fun this weekend.


RUgreek

LOL that's a good point. Even though I'd like to think if he did meet my parents, he would tone down the ego. But who knows with him!

After reading everyone's input, I think I have decided that it isn't working and I shouldn't waste my time anymore. But he's coming to my date party on the 12th (I asked him a little over a week ago, before all this BS) and I don't think I can un-invite him. I'll probably stick it out till then and then just tell him that whatever we have is over. That should be a fun coversation.

As a little update.. last night I completely called things off with him. He was over the night before that completely wasted and I was sober, which isn't a big deal, except he was being a mean drunk. He was even like, "F*ck you" and I was like, "Who the hell says that to a girl?" and he's like, "I do." I know he was drunk, but still, that was so rude and uncalled for and I think I realized then that it wasn't going to work.
So last night he came over before their chapter drink and we fooled around for a little and he kept asking if we could have sex. That's after I've told him a ton of times that I'm not sleeping with someone I'm not with. So I was kinda upset and he asked wat was wrong and I just told him everything. Shit hit the fan and he was flat out like, "Well, if you want a boyfriend, you're looking at the wrong guy" and I got all angry and asked why he even bothered to hang out with me then and he's like, "What you think I don't want to date you?" HE IS SO CONFUSING! So it pretty much ended with him telling me to find another date for my date party this weekend and me saying that if we weren't going to be together, that was it. Then he left for his chapter drink, where they had hired strippers from Pittsburgh so I can onl iagine the stuff he got into there.

I was pretty upset about it last night but I'm doing a little better. I'm still just hurt though because I feel like he led me on for a month and then flat out told me we'd never be anything more. :(