I live in Southeastern Ohio and the average engagement-marrying age is around 18 to 20. I'm late by a year :rolleyes: You get engaged in high school and then get married before or during your normally shortened college years. Then, either during college or if you actually graduate college you already have 1-2 kids.

My town is very split - I have a lot of friends who went to college to get their MRS and are getting married next summer right after graduation. The rest of us are off to professional school (mostly med, a few law) and know we aren't getting married for a few more years, by which we mean 5 or 10.

and

I think highly-educated women marry at different ages, young and old--some not at all. I am not willing to bet the "house" on the fact that highly-educated women are doomed to be spinsters...

I am in my mid-late 30's and have never been pregnant. I think the issue was mine to determine. Not really my family's. Oh yeah, I had all the pressure in the world the minute I graduated from college and got a Master's degree. But it was mainly my father that told me I had to get my Ph.D. because he wanted me financially set and not reliant on any man...

However, I have been approached by men with a lot of money, millionaires, and I have rejected them because of what they wanted to do as their "girlfriend"--not even to "engage" me or for me to be their wife.

So as far as stability goes, I think it is important the both in a maritial relationship ought to be finanically fit--like no one is short of being homeless, with no job, no teeth and not clean with matted hair... And that they need to be mental stable. Because life's too short to be dealing with some lunatic's idiosyncracies at any length in time...

I guess the best advice one can give those newly engaged is:...

It takes a lot more for two twenty-somethings in New York/DC/LA/SF/Chicago/Boston to be financially stable than it does in West Virginia.

Now that I'm on a collision course on that not-so-magical over the hill age of 40 (on Monday), it's also a matter of personal preference as well.

My mother married young at 21, divorced at 25 and never remarried. My father took five tries (Mom was his second marriage) before he finally settled down. I've seen one too many family members and friends go through failed marriages at least once or twice for me to carefully tread the waters before committing to marriage. If the opportunity for me to get married happens, I'll be happy to take the plunge; if it doesn't happen in the near future or at all, I'm not going to worry too much about it at this day and age.

The old man, like a good New York Irish Catholic, is still hoping for 'true' grandchildren one of these days (he has to be content right now with step-grandchildren for now). None of his three children (my younger brother, half-brother and myself) are married.

Don't give me that BS that since I'm from WV that I have no idea what things are like outside of this state.

Things may cost more there, but you make more money at the same jobs.

I have to agree with AlphaSigOU. If it happens, it happens; if not, that's ok too.

My parents met in high school, and were married and divorced twice (yes, they re-married and re-divorced each other) so I have seen my share. Several of my good friends were married young and stayed married for a long time, only to divorce later.

Some people have said that I am so smart that I scare men off, but I don't buy that because I really like smart men who wouldn't let something like that bother them.

I was in a realllly loooong term relationship and that took a lot out of me when it ended. I would never say never, though. You can't tell what might happen.

There are still some ethnic communities in Pittsburgh where early marriage is desirable. However, you have to realize that many many many of the people who go to college in Pittsburgh ARE NOT FROM Pittsburgh. Many of them are from small towns where there isn't anything else to do but marry and procreate. When they hear about all their HS friends getting married of course they'll have the same mindset.

It's not as scary $$ wise to get married at a young age if you live in the same place as your entire extended family and have known the entire town since birth. People are going to cut you some slack if you can't pay the rent on time or whatever. You'll probably end up getting a job from someone you know. You might buy a family friend's house at a greatly reduced cost. Not that I am saying you should get married at 21, but it's hella different than being on your own in NYC and having to find a job/place to live.

As far as being "financially stable" I don't think that's as important as coming to an agreement on how your finances will be handled. I gotta agree w/ Coramoor, a lot of girls who say "I want someone financially stable" mean they want someone who will buy them whatever they want. :rolleyes:

I dont think anyone said that since you are from WV that you dont know what goes on outside of your state. Maybe I missed something there, but what Munchkin said is true.

There is a higher cost of living in certain areas.

But those areas are also more urban which both can impact when someone gets married, plus on the whole more go to higher education as well.

In smaller communities and more rural areas, people do get married younger. I dont think there is anything wrong with this, its what they are use to and most are happy.

As far as regionally, I have had a lot more pressure even with going away to school to get married younger than some of my other friends. A lot of my friends are engaged/married already. My exboyfriend however, was from the philly area and he thought it was crazy to even think about marriage at that age.

Hmmm.... Interesting...
 

I do find it interesting that most folks on the east coast and mid-west get married at younger ages than in Southern California...

I guess the SoCal climate is such that you don't want any lunatic to take your stuff that it would be unwise to get married unless you sign a prenuptual agreement, or a covenant marriage...

Portapotties in SoCal cost half a million dollars. And Vega$ is owned and operated by LA County--in fact, it is LA County!!! :rolleyes:

So, the commitment to marriage and family and other things are a bit skewed in SoCal...

Good thing I don't live there anymore... But where I live, they don't support marriage and families in general... Lack of commitment rules the streets out where I am now...

I'm not really sure what kind of pressure there is to marry around here. I'm from a small country town in Maryland, and there are definitely people I graduated with that are married with a kid already (and I'm 19). My mom married my dad when she was 20 and he was 22, and they're still together but my mom always tells me and my sister that she was way too young when she got married. So there isn't any family pressure coming in!

Butttt my grandmother seems to think I should get married any day now. I dated someone last year (my first love) and my grandmother always used to ask me and my mom if he was "the one" because I was getting older.. I was 18! And then my other grandmother always tells me to avoid the Italian boys (even though she and my grandmother are 100% Italian, so go figure).

I'd ultimately like to be married by the time I'm 23, 24 at the latest. I want to have children when I'm young because my mom had me when she was 33 and I don't wanna be that old!

I don't know about the rest of the country, but in Florida its a bit different I think. I think people here get married when they feel like they're ready, not when someone or some class of people says its acceptable. I know people who got married at 16, 17, 18 yrs old and are still happily married...some of them have children and some don't. They have successfull careers, nice houses, drive really nice cars and appear to be the model American family. I also know people who never married until they were 30 or so and by the time they reached 40 yrs old they've been married 3 times with 3 kids from 3 different dads. I think here people do it when they really want to. I agree that being set in your career and having a nice chunk of change before you marry is a good idea. However, I also think waiting that long and doing that could, at the same time, take some of the fun and memorable experiences you go through while young away from the two of you. Some of the funniest stories I hear from my parents are when they had nothing together, when they just started out and had basically nothing but good credit..like days when the two of them lived off of hamburger helper and chicken. I remember them telling me that T-bone steaks were considered a really special dinner...lol. I laugh so hard at times because I see where they are now and I cannot picture the two of them going through that. I think that if you go into it together while either of you isnt really well off, then money isnt an issue. If you don't really have a lot then there's no reason to fight over it.

I always said I'd marry before I turned 26, I just turned 25 and I don't see it happening within a year. As far as pressure goes, I think my mom is the only person pressuring me. Her mother, my olma, does it sometimes but not very often. All she does is bitch about me not having a German girl in mind to marry. She thinks I shouldn't mix outside our ethnic background (she'd have a heartattack if she knew where my dick has been). My mother pressures me because she wants grandchildren before she gets too old to play with them and do things with them, selfish reasons if you ask me. My father, on the other hand, tells me to wait awhile. He thinks the longer I wait the better. He's looking at it from a money aspect. He looks at it like this; first you get the money and then you get the ultra-hot breeder. Problem is, he has no problem with a guy being 35 and marrying a 25 yr old hottie. Personally, I don't want 10 yrs between me and the spouse. So, that leaves me thinking.....do it when you feel ready. If you wait till you have enough money then you'll never get married and have kids. I think things never go as planned in the game of life and you make the best of what is given to you. How you react to whats thrown your way determines the person you are, the same applies to marriage.

I remember when my dad said to me, "Michelle, it's too late for you, but your sister will proabably meet the man she marries in college." :eek: way too funny-- but i think he was going off the expectations of his own generation, not mine.

Haay? I am way past 33 years old and don't have a kid yet... So how is that too old???

The irony is, there is a window of "reproductive opportunity". If you google for the "infertility sites", they charge $10K upwards to isolate human eggs... So, if nunna y'all want to get pregnant until way after 35 and you are like 22 y/o and have not chance of sex, go on ahead and get your eggs saved... You can also sell your eggs for a nice chunk of change--starts at $5K...

Sweetheart, that is about the wisest post I have ever read from you...

I guess your Dad sees it like this: Do you want a similarly aged woman that will have a biological time bomb going off when you turn 30-somethingish? Or do you want a manipulateable pretty young thang that needs a suga-daddy? Remember, you now have Viagra if you have a problem when you are older...