I read this thread and was a little surprised by the reactions, given that the person in question was the husband of this sister. I guess to me, "the two shall become one" has a lot stronger meaning to me than the vows to my fraternity, and I do not consider anything that I share with my husband (or anything that others choose to share with their spouses) to be breaking a confidence, a vow, an oath, or any other honor code, as we have been joined together. While I don't presume to tell people what they should and should not reveal to their spouses, I just don't think it's reasonable to admonish those who choose to have no secrets.

I think the main issue here is his insensitivity in bringing it up in conversation to others. After all, his is NOT one of her sisters and should not assume that others are comfortable with him having this knowledge.

i guess it's up to each individual what they share with their spouse, but being married myself...i haven't and i wouldn't. if my husband were meant to know our ritual, he'd be a woman and an initiated member...

just a thought...

marissa

I agree totally. My ex was all about sharing his rituals with me and visa versa. He was like "what does this mean?" and "i know this means something" or "I saw a this".
I never told anything b/c that was between me and my girls. And that was important to me.
But some people do not look at it like that. Which is really sad.

Well...I guess I would just have to disagree. I just find nothing "really sad" about having the kind of bond and trust with your spouse that allows you to share everything with one another. :)

in perspective...
 

I think it was 1956 or so that an old lady in her late 80s in Lyons,
KS wore her Kappa Kappa Gamma badge as a barrette, or a hair
something. The KU and KSU girls were horrified!
Some have taken their badges and had them made into rings.
Many have simply misplaced them.
Rituals, existing or defunct clubs, are available on e-bay or can be
found almost anywhere. Pissed off Masons and snake handling
baptist preachers have sprayed the waves with esoteric secrets.
In the whole scheme of things, these things are simply adjuncts
to FRATERNITY, old wine in new bottles.
When was the last time you volunteered to help a chapter of your
organization?
Prioritizing things would be a plus in this era when the GLO's are
trying to come back.

Well said. Hubby doesn't seem to know how to be discreet.
I don't think the wife was right to blab the secret, but since she did, she should have told her husband not to blab them in public. Oy yoi yoi.......:rolleyes:

I dunno... I sure wouldn't want my doctor breaking their oath and revealing my medical history to his/her spouse...

Does sharing fraternity secrets really make a marriage stronger?

Some things I just see as NOT Mr. Munch's business...my parents' financial situation, things that were told to me in confidence from other friends, and some information regarding past relationships. He doesn't give two shits about our ritual, and nothing would be gained from my telling him.

What she said! Mr. 1228 knows better than to ask me about Beta Sigma Phi (their ritual is rather public, IMO) or Alpha Phi. He is pretty much of the "I don't wanna know because I am clueless" club

My first husband was a Lambda Chi and we never shared any ritual secrets. We never pressured each other either as we both understood that it wasn't to be shared. I believe the vows I took meant NOBODY other than Initiated Members. We don't invite spouses to Initiation. If spouses were supposed to know and if it was ok to share it with them, then they'd be invited to Initiation. Even when we have an alumnae club meeting at someone's house and do our opening meeting ritual, the spouse and kids can't be home. My second husband never asked, because he wasn't Greek and had no idea that anything meant anything. My daughter has asked and I told her that the only way to find out is by being initiated into AGD and that I would love to share it with her and talk with her about it THEN.

Dee

Wow, just wow.

I'm sure all of your sisters are overjoyed that one of their own has admitted that she picks and chooses which vows she will keep depending on her life circumstances at the time.

I hope you're not a doctor. Doctors take an oath that they will keep patient information private. Lawyers, similarly, aren't allowed to blab about their clients EVEN to a spouse. Does your husband also share your careless attitude toward secrets he swore to keep? Geez, I hope he's not in the military.

Honor means keeping your vows. Period. You don't get to pick and choose. You, my dear, seem to be sorely lacking in that department and I feel sorry for your sisters and even for your husband. Afterall, you might get tired of him in a few years and decide to get rid of him. There's really nothing keeping you two together except for those pesky wedding vows and we all know how you feel about vows :rolleyes:

Re: in perspective...
 

<hijack>The KU and KSU Kappas should not have been horrified. They're forgetting some of their most important Fraternity history. KKG was born on October 13, 1870, when six women wearing Golden Keys in their hair boldly marched into chapel at Monmouth University.

In that spirit, to this day there are no rules in Kappa's Constitution that discuss the wearing of the badge, save that the badge is for initiates only. As one of my chapter sisters jokes, "We could wear our badges on our @$$es if we wanted to!" :eek: :p ;)

But out of respect for our Key and our oath, we do not.

</hijack>

people break vows all the time-especially in the arena of marriage and we're going to go psycho over a wife telling her husband a few sorority things. You can not simplify the whole world into "a vow is a vow"......no its not. Some are much more sacred than others. Some are just the silly things we unknowingly agree to when we are 18 years old and want to fit in desperately. Of course it would iritate me too and yes I think it is a little disrespectful, but everyone takes sorority life more or less seriosuly than others. The people that post here are the enthusiastic exception in my opinion, not the rule. My ex told me all about his one time, I can't even remember what he said. That is probably yhte case here too...if it doesn't really have much meaning to you, you probably are going to forget it anyway.

Oh, really? Some vows are more sacred than others? Whose job is it to decide which vows warrant which degree of sanctity? Yours? What if you're the only person in your group who decides the vow you took isn't important? Do you blab? Isn't that disrespectful to the people who took that same vow, yet still uphold it?

Just come out and say that you don't respect some of the vows you've taken in your life. If you want to conduct yourself that way, that's fine. But don't try to justify if with an arguement that some things are more sacred than others.

Ok guys, simmer down :)

I'm also married, but I haven't said a peep to my husband about SigIPhi's or AEPhi's secrets. Nor has he told me any Masonic secrets. I took a vow on my wedding day to support and cherish my husband, and he vowed to do the same for me. I took an oath when I was initiated into SigIPhi, and another when I was initiated into AEPhi, which included not revealing the secrets of either org to anyone not a member. My husband no doubt took a similar oath when he became a Mason. These oaths are not incompatible with wedding vows. I didn't swear on my wedding day to love and honor my husband and tell him what my sorority's letters mean.

I believe Carol's thinking is that she took an oath to SigIPhi, but SigIPhi doesn't exist any more, so it's ok to share the secrets. (I didn't get a chance to talk to her privately and ask, so this is conjecture on my part.) I don't share that belief. I took an oath to SigIPhi, and even though the org doesn't exist any more, my SigIPhi sisters are still around... besides, I'm just not the type to break my word.

I guess if she had to share the information, better that she tell her husband, the person she's closest to in the world, rather than spread it all over the internet or something. :)

One of my sisters told me an interesting story. Seems her grandfather was a Mason, but he was kicked out because he had enlisted his wife's help in learning his degree work - thereby revealing the org's secrets to her. Oops.