James, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Never again will she need the strong presence of a man who understands what has happened to her than now. I'm glad that she has you as her friend.

This happened to a friend of mine in school; the perpetrator had been accused of date rape prior to my friend, but no one ever pressed charges. He was a football player who STILL works just off campus, and no matter what is said to the local greeks, they STILL continue to order/buy from him! I don't know what gets me angrier, that he didn't do time, or that people still think of him as "Joe Football"!

I'm sorry to hijack, but can I say i'm not surprised? He's a lowdown dirty sleazebag. Besides how dirty he is (he is totally the stereotypical sleazy Italian (i.e. Sopranos) guy), he's so shady with orders and stuff that most of my sisters started going the campus bookstore (the off campus one) b/c the letters and people were nicer. But for so long he was our only option for letters... I refused to go there when he was there.

/hijack

James, I hope your friend can work through all this.

:mad:

Thats Sexual Assault (no legal term for rape) up here... if the person was too drunk to give consent then it's a crime, so if she wasn't lucid or coherent then she could not give consent under the law and she could charge the guy...

All that aside the guy's a sack of shit and hopefully he'll get what's coming to him... let's just say he's lucky he's not from my chapter... or even my school.

[another hijack]

kddani, thank you SO MUCH for this confirmation! You don't know HOW many battles I've fought over that reason-that-old-Italian-women-wear-those-mazooka-thingies!!

[/another hijack]

Yes. She has to understand this. As does the person that did this to her. This is NOT okay. This: "wow I had sex with a cute boy, I wish I could remember it. It might have been a good time." is a very frightening statement to me. This is NOT her fault, this is NOT her "my bad." This was COMPLETELY and UTTERLY WRONG of that guy to do this to her.

It would not have rapidly faded. Trust me. It would have come back later and could be potentially more damaging if she does not deal with it now.

Be supportive, be encouraging. Let her talk things out or figure things through alone. Suggest going to visit a counselor, even if it's just to tell her story to an impartial person.

Damn, with everyone saying it was rape...let me ask you; Lets say I brought a chick home and was making out with her. In the middle of it all, she tells me she wants to give me the best blow job I've ever had. So, she starts to go down....but, as soon as she starts sucking....I pass out. She doesnt know I passed out till she's done. Is that sexual assault? Could she be put in jail for it? I think a lot of times situations like this happen, the person wakes up feeling good and as if they had a good time. But, once they start telling their night to their friends everyone starts telling them its rape because they were incoherent and before you know it charges are filed. I'd say 90% of the sex I had in college was drunken sex and that would apply to over 1/2 of the people out there as well. When you're in college, who the hell has sex sober unless its morning sex or before class sex? If I was the girl, I'd be pissed off at my friend who left me there instead of driving me home or letting me stay at her house like a good friend should have done. I thought most chicks watch out for their friends. :rolleyes:

cashmoney,
to answer your question:
if you can recall giving her permission/consenting to receive oral sex, then it's not illegal. if she decided to do it while you were passed out, then it is illegal b/c no consent was given. if a person (male or female) is unconscious and any sexual activity is performed on or with them, it is illegal. how can you give consent if you are unconscious?
i agree that there were plenty of drunken sexual encounters that i had during college, but there is a definate difference between rape and drunken sex. i've experienced both.

shelley j
sigma k

In CA if a girl is drunk it is illegal to have sex with her because she can't legally give consent. Now, people do give consent drunk all the time, and generally nothing happens, but the law exists to prevent stuff like this, where a person really is blacking out, or isn't in thier right mind.

I'm almost 100% sure that every state has added this to their consent laws - the reality is that, under alcohol laws, you are not in a mental condition to give any sort of legal consent for anything, sex included.

The fact that it seems she would have given consent anyway had she been sober (purely off the "cute guy" comment, no judging included) is irrelevant, at least in legal terms.

I had a situation very similar to this happen to me, but luckily I was with my boyfriend at the time. He found me wondering the streets about 3am in the morning and thought I was really drunk. He took me home and stayed with me. I don't remember anything except a couple of moments of what I thought was sex. The next thing I remember is my roomate waking me and my boyfriend up because a couple of my friends were taken to the hospital because of the date rape drug. I went downstairs and told her about what I remembered and she took me to the hospital. I didn't have a lot in my system, but enough to black me out. When I told my boyfriend about he was shocked because he said I was responding to him and even talking to him. Yep don't remember that at all.

Let me tell you...that was the last time that I ever drank anything that I didn't see get poured.

I hope your friend is well.

For those of you that view this as rape, do you also view this as a situation that warrants 5-10 years in prison for a guy?

Or maybe just an ass-kicking?

Honestly, I would say probation and required therapy or some sort of course on the issue.

I think a written apology to the girl (if she wants), some sort of counseling and an educational seminar to be given to his chapter especially if the attitude of "dude, I hit it with a totally wasted chick, I rule" is prevalent within the entire chapter.

The most important thing is that the boy needs to be made aware that what happened was wrong, and why.

Just remember though, once you involve the legal system a lot is out of your hands. You won't be able to pick and choose the punishment, usually you are talking jail time or nothing.

I agree! I was talking about what I, personally, would do with him if I could.