Some folks are against marriage.

Some folks want the government destroyed.

Some folks smoke the crack rock.

-Rudey
--Everybody is different

Actually, I didn't want to bring up anything related to what she said because I wanted to see if anyone else did. I stand by my original assertion that MOST PEOPLE get married for one of the reasons that I listed -- she's just smarter than the average person.

I'm not against marriage. If you want to get married, fine, that's great. If you're offended by my opinion, you might want to consider why -- does it strike a nerve or something? What in the world is the point of being offended by what someone else thinks of marriage?

The fact is, when it comes right down to it, marriage makes it harder for a person who is no longer satisfied with the relationship to leave, and I think most people find it comforting to think hey, if I really let myself go, never want to have sex and become a shell of my former self, he/she will have to stay with me anyway.

Wow...when I first read this I was shocked. But after I took a step back I realized that you're probably right...many people may feel this way.

Marriage isn't easy. I've been married over 9 years and it's constant work. It's like having a child in that for all the sacrifices and difficulties, the rewards are worth it. At no point do I "let myself go," my sex drive has never been higher and I feel that my marriage has only enhanced my inner being, not leaving me as a "shell of my former self." I guess I'm lucky that I have a spouse who feels the same way and works equally hard to make our marriage work...

Don't get me wrong. We've had our ups and downs. But like it was said in "Miami Rhapsody" with Sarah Jessica Parker, "You have good days and you have bad days. If you work at it, you'll have more good days than bad." I believe this is true.

I never want my spouse to feel like he "has to stay with me anyway." If he does, then he's in it for all the wrong reasons and I wouldn't want him to feel obligated to stay in a marriage that makes him miserable."

Just my two cents...

I am sorry... maybe I didn't state that clearly. I am not offended in any way at the comments that marriage is not for everyone. Of course not. I took offense at the comment that marriage is "really just something that makes people feel better about themselves". That seems to reduce the convenant to little more than a pop psych, self help group. I consider marriage far more important.

I am just surprised that the folks here, who value standing up in front of other people and making verbal and written promises and commit to stick together in another context, would be so negative about marriage.

After all, don't the marriage covenant and our GLO initiation have a lot in common? Yes, it is much easier to walk away from a fraternity or sorority if you are unhappy, but the concept that you commit to support one another through good times & bad is the same.

Interesting comparison...hadn't thought of it that way before.

The word "covenant" here indicates, to me anyway, that this is a religious value for you as well. Hey, that's cool - I can respect that, that's the entire point I was trying to make.


This is such a total non sequitur. The reality is that this sort of verbal promise is what I consider to happen when you tell someone you 'love' them - since there is no analog to this for hetero male relationships, I took an oath to ksigkid that I would provide him anything he needs (and this is still true, almost 18 months since I've seen him last). The error here, in my mind, is the assumption that everyone desires or requires a ceremonial introduction to these 'verbal and written promises' - but I'll leave that for later.

And doesn't it seem slightly trivial to compare your initiation rites to your marriage vows? I get where you're going, but the similarity is weak for me. They're similar in goal, but disparate in function and scope (not to mention that one is a legal contract, while the other leads to intoxication and manhugging).

May I point out that all the legal benefits we receive from marriage have been imposed (and I use this negative term because the imposition has made leaving the relationship so difficult) on us by a country that, at the time, was heavily influenced by Christianity and it was really for little other reason.

Regardless of your personal beliefs, the only responsibility that the government has to us, constitutionally, is national security. It has far overstepped its original purpose in many ways, but I mention this to illustrate one of the major reasons people want to get married and by people, I include homosexuals. It makes perfect sense to me and, on a side note, I vehemently oppose any amendments to national and state constitution banning gay marriage (but please, let's not get on that topic in this thread!!!!)

In response to the original question, my love for God and desire to follow His law leads me to view marriage as righteous in His eyes. So, I would get married spiritually for God. In fact, the Bible (New Testament, I'm Christian) tells me that the commitment of marriage needs only to be witnessed by God for it to be morally binding. That's what makes it meaningful to me.

The legal side was forced on me by a country that falsely claims religious tolerance.

Okay, this is a common comment I hear from my unmarried friends. "Well, I suppose I'll eventually get married, so I can at least reap some of the benefits."

I'd like to know what these mystical benefits are that everyone keeps talking about. They're certainly not tax benefits, b/c for example, last year was the first year my husband and I filed jointly, and it was also the first time either of us ever owed anything.

:confused:

If you consider marriage far more important, that's fine - but there are people who use marriage as an excuse to justify/further a relationship, just as there are people who use pregnancy and other means the same way.

I'm not sure you can compare initation and marriage - marriage being a legal and religous (in many cases) ceremony, while initation being more symbolic. That's not to say I don't hold my initiation into Kappa Sigma dearly, but that my marriage will just be a different type of thing.

Legal benefits were the last thing on our mind when we got married...granted, it's an added benefit, but we sure didn't go into marriage with anything more but a way to declare our love for one another...

Ironically, until last year, filing taxes jointly hurt us more than helped...last year was the first in 8 years that we received ANY type of tax break!

I'll rephrase: any legal benefits...

I understand where you're coming from, but what you're talking about is only one of the issues. Legal marriage, essentially, makes both parties entitled to certain things that unmarried couples are not (think insurance, though there are several others) AS WELL AS making simpler the "legalness" of having children.

ETA: Your tax complaint is not a marriage related issue as much as a graduated tax system issue.

A lawyer could probably answer this better, but I will give it a try.

I think that the benefits are joint property, Social Security, health insurance, citizenship, and inheritance rights. In order to receive S.S. benefits based on the spouse's income, a couple must remain married for at least ten years.

Well, I do have to say, as far as health insurance is concerned, that's not a benefit either, since I am covered under my employer's insurance plan, and he's covered under his...

...but I'm just trying to be argumentative. ;)

On the other hand, I recently left my job and my new job is in private practice, where I don't get benefits. If we weren't married, I wouldn't be able to benefit from my husband's health insurance....

Then again, my old job's benefits were so awful, that I only used my husband's benefits when I did have them in my own name. ;)

:) Argumentative, huh? LOL! My mother has excellent insurance through the State of Georgia (she's a teacher). She has the family "high option" plan that covers pretty much everything - it might even cover broken nails. JK. Anyway, my father has been on her plan for years, as were my brother and I before we passed the age limit. My father is on the plan only because he's married to my mom. He couldn't even get it otherwise. The same goes for veterans' spouses. They couldn't get on a plan for veterans without having been married to a veteran.