Why not have a 13th birthday party?

I attended a couple of bar/bhat mitzvahs. I understood that they were religious and not just cool parties.

If the girl is Catholic, then why not throw a Confirmation party? I think it is very tacky for her to have had it in a synagogue. VERY TACKY. I have been to a few bar and bat mitzvahs, and none of the receptions were held in the synagogue. All were at home, a reception/banquet hall or hotel ballroom.

Ticky Tacky, as we used to say.

Basically sounds like she wants the party without the rite of passage. Don't you have to go to classes before you are confirmed? Even if she was Jewish, isn't there work that has to happen before you get a bar or bat mitzvah?

For my bar mitzvah I spent a year going to special classes. The event required understanding, learning how to read and sing certain passages of the Torah - and let me tell you when you don't have vowels on Hebrew letters it becomes even more difficult especially when you have to sing it in a particular fashion. Bat mitzvahs are generally newer celebrations and are mostly just parties while some denominations like Reform may also read.

-Rudey

That's about what I did for my bat mitzvah. (I've never been to any bat mitzvah that was just a party! There's always been reading there.) I had bat mitzvah lessons with the cantor after Hebrew school for a year or so, where I learned how to read and sing my Torah portion and Haftorah portion. I had to spend quite a bit of time practicing as well...I probably still have the practice tape of the cantor singing the portions somewhere. :) I had to read part of the Torah portion and the whole Haftorah portion, lead some other prayers, and give a speech.

But that was almost a cakewalk compared to what kids nowadays do at their bar/bat mitzvahs. I have gone to several of my younger cousins' bar and bat mitzvahs and the kid leads a significant amount of the service, if not the whole thing. In many congregations, the bar/bat mitzvah kid has to do a community service project (not unlike an Eagle Scout project but I don't think it has to be as large-scale) or has to do a certain amount of hours of volunteer service.

I have a huge problem w/ ANY congregation of ANY faith allowing this kind of mockery to occur. All the person in charge had to say was "NO". Real simple word. One syllable. And yet it seems that more and more leaders are caving in to it. You can't change the spoiled bratdom of people like this woman and her kid, but you can set a decent example.

Re: other rites of passage - if she'd waited 2 more years, a quincinera would have been perfectly appropriate. But I doubt this oh-so-dedicated "Catholic" knows what that is. I'm guessing she's Catholic in name only but couldn't find her local parish w/ a police escort.

:rolleyes:

--add
(I'm not a morning person.....)

it is actually quite common in some areas to have the celebration at the Synagogue. Mine was held there and many of my friends had theirs there.

and Sister Havana, your experience sounds very similar to mine. i had lessons with the cantor for about 4-5 months prior to my Bat Mitzvah learning both portions and much of the service.

My question is what is wrong with the mother? Spending 40K for a 13th birthday party?
As adduncan said I also have a problem with the fact that the person in charge of the synagogue didn't say no. When my cousins were younger they went to a lot of bar/bat mitzvahs for their friends, and one kids parents bought him a porsche....hello the kid is 13...he' can't drive that. My aunt was telling me how lavish some of these parties are in her area, I was disgusted.:rolleyes:

But a quincinera isn't a Catholic tradition, but a Mexican one. I don't think this little girl is Mexican-American, is she?

No, Taualumna, she isn't Mexican-American.

Sorry, I thought people understood the evolution of this tradition. My bad.

Quincenera (my apologies if my spelling is off) began as a social and religious rite-of-passage in Mexico and Mexican-American communities. Since this tradition is rooted in traditionally Catholic communities, it has spilled over to other ethnic groups and the religious association has evolved along with it.

So yes, TA, it is at its essence partly a Catholic tradition. I made a suggestion, and it was not to start a debate.

Adrienne
(I am REALLY NOT a morning person.....)

Yes but for girls that is a relatively new thing and in subsections of groups like reform which created the tradition. Community service projects? That is way too strange for me to even consider.

As for how lavish parties are that is a different thing from this topic altogether. People make money and can spend it any way they want. Should people who work hard be looked down upon? Should people who are successful be ridiculed? Should they live in a 2 bedroom house and drive a Kia and shop at Old Navy and perhaps splurge on Olive Garden? Or perhaps they enjoy the same fundamental freedoms of this country as everyone else and have every right to spend as they please - especially when such spending helps our economy and they already pay the largest amounts of taxes.

-Rudey

That's really interesting. I went to Catholic school for five years and have never heard of anyone do this. Then again, the Mexican community is relatively tiny in Toronto (and probably Canada in general). Girls of Phillipine descent (at least in Toronto), however have a coming of age party when they turn 18. I don't know if a Catholic Mass is involved with this, but if it isn't, it is probably more of a debutante than something religiously based.

You have a point. If the story was just about parents who host expensive birthday parties, I'd say fine. Live and let live. But it's a sign of something bigger going on ,especially with this parent, when it's a sign of blatant disrespect.

Kathy O'Malley and Judy Markey, well respected talk radio women on WGN720, brought up a point. This is something not mentioned in the article. The mom called the newspaper with the idea for the story. The girl called into the radio show yesterday and she complained that the reporter twisted "facts". She went on to give a plug to a local designer who made her "courturier(sp?) dress" and was left out of the story in the paper. I'm guessing mom prepped her to give a statement as well as standing by the phone. Just because you have money doesn't mean you have class.

Sorry to hijack, but I feel ya here! And these 4 days in a row of 645a-315p shifts SUCK!