True love is hard to find. Sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a god-damned magic show.

Honey, do you think KFC is still open?

Yes, yes, hail Caesar!

Nice try, I worked at KFC for two summers during high school.

Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday, and you're not feelin' real well, does anyone ever say to you, 'Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays'?

Face it Flounder, you puked ON Dean Wermer.

I'm gonna bounce back and when I do I'm gonna buy you a diamond so big it's gonna make you puke.

Is there no one else? Is there no one else?

Do you know what I would do if someone did that to me? I would kill him, I wouldn't hesitate. I would stab him 78 times. I would chop off his fingers, slash his throat open, carve numbers in his chest, gouge out his eyes, I swear to God! ...But that's me.

What do I look like, Mother Teresa?

Live her alone....get it? Liver!

Earth to tall bitch!

Mawwaige. Mawwaige is what brings us together today. Mawwaige--that bwessed awwangement, that dream within a dweam.

Good thing I didn't flatline. My 350-pound babysitter would be chasing me for the half-eaten pastrami sandwich I stole from her.

Great, that's just what this country needs. A cock in a frock on a rock.