I can distill AKA_Monet's post down to that one sentence. What she says is really true. Your men aren't into you. When they were into you they did wonderful stuff right? Well there you go, the question is what YOU can do to get them to be more into you, because you can only control yourself.

Don't ever expect them to do the nice things when they aren't feeling into you.

Could be. Lots of girls let themselves go to seed once they're comfy in a relationship. I frankly don't blame guys for looking elsewhere, if this is the case. At the very least, being less affectionate and doting.

Make more of an effort yourself to remind him how lucky he is to have a wife/gf like you - give him cute gifts, do something wild and new in bed, cook him dinner, get tickets for him to go to the game with his boys.

Talk to him and agree that you both will put the work into it. You shouldn't expect him to do everything.

This is my philosophy... it didn't work for me last time, but I have every faith that it eventually will.

:D

Mr. valkyrie hardly ever gives me cards (except for special occasions) or flowers, but you know what -- I don't care about that stuff. I think it's more romantic when he makes dinner or rubs my feet or brings home beer or does any of the little things he does all the time. I think that defining "romantic" as cards and flowers is too limited -- romantic can be the every day things that we do for each other. And lots of really good sex doesn't hurt either.

I got to know, are you in your 30's yet?

lol Thanks for all the replies and some good advice.

I will say this, whoever said they dont blame men for looking somewhere else, I dont even get started on how wrong you are and how rude that was.

As for the sex, that sure isnt lacking AT ALL... We may have been together for 7 years and married for one year, but we are still like we met in that aspect. Lets just say that is not a problem at all in creativity and times in a week lol.

I think someone said this, but I think its jsut a guy does things for a girl to get her to be with him and he does the romance thing and the mushy stuff all the time and all of that, but after you are with him for so long, he doesnt think he needs to do that as much cause he has you now. I think I lost sight of that cause I never had long term relationships before my hubby, so I was always in the first stages of it and the guys I dated we all mushy then.

I need to just remember he married me and loves me so just cause I dont get mushy poems or love letters anymore, it doesnt change how he feels about me. The other night we talked about it and he said Shan, I dont have time to go out and get you cards and flowers, I leave work and come straight home so I can spend as much time with you as I can. I thought that was very sweet and very true. Id rather him be home with me then out shopping for cards. Plus he does still have his moments where I get cards and flowers. I need to realize just as our relationship has grown and matured so has the romance and its just as sweet and caring that he calls me everday from work to tell me he loves and misses me. :)

ok. in other words...this guy doesnt have to spend money on you with flowers and cards, all he has to do is call you and tell you he loves you and he get to sleep with you every night? THIS GUY IS MY GOD!!!!

jk. sorry...i was trying to make it sound like Joeys quote from Friends. oh well.

Granted I am not married, but I always let him know when I am feeling a little underappreciated. I'll sit him down and tell him what's up. I'll remind him of all the nice things I do for him (wash and fold his laundry, cook dinner when he's working late) and that I don't have to do them at all. (We don't live together....we live about 2 miles away from each other.) Usually he gets the picture and he shapes up. And if he doesn't get the picture, I will get all dressed up for him, treat him like a king in bed, and then tell him after the completion that if he doesn't shape up, that could have been the last time for everything. ;)

Now, he gives me fresh flowers every week! :D

I don't really understand this concept . . .

Ok, when you first start dating usually the guy is extremely attentive and affectionate because he is seriously into you.

If after a week or two he stopped being that way, you would correctly assume that he is not into you and move on to the new boy.

If after a month or two the same thing happened, you would again correctly assumed he is not much into you and move on to the new boy.

But after 6 months, a year, or two years or whatever, when he is no longer into you and therefore not being all that attentive or affectionate you want to stay and somehow make him focus on you again.

IS there some magical time of investment that makes it just really hard to move on, even though the guy is showing you by his actions that he is no longer into you?

I mean its like once you have an official "title" or he says "I love you" he no longer has to be into you or act like it for you to stay.

Now as a guy, this works for me, but is it rational?

Judge how people feel about you by their consistent unprompted actions towards you.

LOL, yes. ;)

lol James. I think most girls would know if he wasnt into them cause he was being rude and ignoring them and just showing hes not interested. I think in some of our cases its not he isnt into us, its he just isnt the bring home flowers everyday guy anymore. I know my hubby is still interested in how he treats me, the way he is with me, the things he says, and how he still listens to me even if its about the stupidest thing. He shows me everyday he loves me and I think if he didnt want to be with me anymore he wouldnt be so much in love with me and so attentive and all. Besides I would say if a guy wasnt interested in a girl and didnt sit down and tell her, then he is a butt. Its not fair to pretend to feel some way when you dont. I would hope guys dont do that after years and years just cause they dont want to hurt the girl. Id rather be hurt then led on. You cant get the time you lost back if someone were to lead you on. Better to know...

Agreed. Its nice every once in a while to get a surprise. We all love them and romantic ones at that. Girls just need assurance. I know he loves me but I love to hear it thats all....

The Five Love Languages
 

Just recently, my husband and I both read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

It's really good and was very informative for both of us.

I had never thought about the different ways that people "speak" love before this. It does explain why some girls just love a phone call, flowers or a card and others would prefer a back rub, doing the laundry, or a nice Sunday drive up the parkway. And it applies to men as well.

In addition, it addresses the "in love" vs. "love" thing.

I'd recommend it to anyone asking.