Good gracious.

My sister-mother (we called them pledge moms, informally) dropped out of college after her sophomore/my freshman year in 1971. I haven't seen or heard from her since I went to her wedding in 1973. Nor have I seen or heard from my sis-grandmom since I went to her wedding in 1971.

OTOH I have three pledge daughters (or sister-daughters). I have kept in touch with the biological mother of the first, and thus tangentially in touch with her. [They lived in town, so I got to know the whole family. Ironically their third daughter--an ADPi-- lives five miles from where I now live, though we haven't ever gotten together.] I've resumed an e-relationship with the second; she is the webmistress for the St. Louis alumnae club. I hear from the third at Christmas time.

My pledge buddy (pledged same night, initiated same day, sat next to each other in Chapter all those years) came from a great family and I am in contact with the sis-mom and sis-grandma, as well as my buddy, still.

Nann
pledged 11/5/70; initiated 3/13/71

I'm going to try to revive this thread.

Tau does the mom-dot thing traditionally, I guess. You get your mom when you go throught the pledging ceremony. I suppose I kind of wish it were done a little differently. See, the girl who became my sis-mom was on the Panhellenic side of rush, so I never met her when I came to any of the parties. I don't remember her being there on bid day (she has a band and is always in & out of chapter activities). I think the first time I met her was when I was actually pledged. I never spent any time with her, really, before I was initiated, for the same reasons. She didn't come to my NM weekend because her brother's bar mitzvah was that night.... I mean I know there are some things you can't change but it was sad when everyone else had their families and I didn't :( We got to Initiation and Feast and she only learned that I wasn't from CANADA at all while we were sitting at the table during Feast!

Now that I'm initiated and living in the chapter house, we know each other better, but I guess my point is that I wish I could have had a big, or even a sis-mom, that I knew a little better, one that knew me at all! I mean, everyone else in the chapter knew that I was from the US, but not my sis-mom. Felt kinda sad.... it would definitely have helped my transition into AGD if I had had a more "guiding" sister-mother there with me.

I like have a big and a sis mom, I am really close to both, but more so my big. I think that it is a good idea to have both. Your sis mom helps you through your new member period. Who knows you could end up having your sis mom as your big. I know several people like that. The great thing about a big is that you get to chose each other, b/c what if you and your sis mom don't get along. It's not fair to either one of you to feel as though you are "stuck" together and the nm misses out on being part of a great family.

Brittany

Again, I completely understand that sometimes sister-mother/sister-daughter match-ups don't turn out as wonderfully as we all would like. It happened to me! But even when they don't turn out well, there *are* other options, as Susan pointed out:

Maybe chapters aren't aware that this solution exists. I know I wasn't.

As some of our other sisters have mentioned, Alpha Gam's policy is to give new members a sister-mother during the Pledging Ritual. It doesn't allow for additions later on. BUT (and this is a big but) there *are* ways to solve problem match-ups when those problems arise.

I know that sisters might not agree with Alpha Gam's policy on this, but unless its changed, we have an obligation to operate within the guidelines that IC and Ritual sets out for us.

I would say that the combination of assigned and mutually chosen families would be a greater benefit to the fraternity. The NM is looking to be a part of the organization and having a fail safe like a Big Sis would ensure that. I knew some girls who were bitter about not having a close SM, and even though they ended up being "adopted" by other sisters, there was still the explanation of what happened with your first sister-mom. With the combo plan, there's no embarassment and you have the potential of having two close relationships with your "mom" and big sis.

I don't believe the way our chapter had it set up went against ritual in ANY WAY!
We had sister mothers at the pledge ceremony, and the continued all they way through your time- my sister mother is about to get married, and she is ALWAYS my sis mom- they are there at initiation and everything. We had it set up that AFTER initiation the newly initiated girls could mutally select a BIG sister with the older girls. It worked out wonderfully, because if your sister mother was the absolute best and you wanted her as your big, you could ask her. And some girls did, some girls felt closer to other women in the chapter and asked them. My big sister is now the chapter advisor.
There are some chapters that I know for a fact have Pearl Pals and stuff or Squirrel Pals and they stay with them until later.

What about this- have a Pearl Pal or Squirrel or whatever through pledgeship and mutually select a sistermother, and find out who it is at initiation?
that would be even better than a candlelighting!

And how do we go about getting this changed? Personally, I don't see why there is a policy on this at all, or why it doesn't allow for a Pearl Pal/Squirrel Sister/Bid-Day Buddy (that's what ours was) or whatever you want to call it. We really only had our bid-day buddies for a week or so, pretty much just for the first pledge ceremony, and then we were assigned a sister-mother that we felt closer to. (Sometimes it was your bid-day buddy, and sometimes it wasn't. In fact, we usually tried not to match someone with a bid-day buddy that would become her sis-mom because we wanted to encourage closer relationships with other sisters. A lot of the time, we would have the bid-day buddies be seniors, and sis-moms were usually juniors, so that the new members got to know more people in the senior class.) I think it's a good idea to allow the new members to get acclimated to the chapter and get to know the sisters better before lumping them with a sis-mom and making them feel like they were just stuck in a family that they may not necessarily want to be in.

I like this. It sounds like they are sticking to the program set for all the chapters regarding sis-mom/dots. And they have just added a nice perk. I don't think it can hurt to encourage more new member relationships within the house. I like the sis-mom/dot program, you don't get to chose her, just like we don't get to choose our birth mothers. And I like the big sis/lil sis because you can mutually select our big/lil, just like we selected our sisters during recruitment. Best of both worlds.

I was hoping a member of the VST could comment.

VST do read all of our sisters' comments here and I'm sure it's been noted and will be considered. Perhaps in the future you'll see some changes in the SM/SD program. International Council needs to do what is best for all of our chapters and when they do make decisions for change they do it very carefully after much study, input from our members of all ages, and thought!

Thank you AGDZO Susan,
As a VST member I have read this post as well as taken notes. It is important to remember that it is not just Alpha Gams who read these posts. First, I am sad that some are sharing some the special things we do that may be a fun surprise for our new members, especially those who are going through recruitment. Not that it is a secret by any means but it is a fun surprise. Second, the issues you are having with the Fraternity are best handled by reaching out to your Advisors and/or VST/IC. Lastly, please remember that you are representing all of us on these boards. All Alpha Gams!
Thank you.