I figured that one out years ago. Works on all relatives, not just in-laws. Funny how the holidays always seemed to go much more smoothly once I was old enough to drink... ;)

my annoyance isn't male or elderly...
 

First of all, I'm always kind of on guard at family gatherings because I recently lost about 80 pounds or so (this becomes important later). I don't know if any of the rest of you have experienced this, but they treat me so much better now. It's always, "Ohhhhh I'm sooo happy to see you, you look sooooooo great, it's really amazing how much better you look blah blah blah." Now, I'm probably being too sensitive here, but sometimes it feels like they think I'm a better person and more lovable now that they're not all commenting about how heavy I've gotten behind my back. In a perfect world, your family's supposed to love you no matter what, right? It's one thing if that insensitive guy in your class says, "You look so much better now that you've lost weight," since you know he didn't even look at you before, but family isn't supposed to do that. Ok, enough of that rant.

So I get the normal goings-on about how skinny I am now, etc, to which my mother yells, "Well, she STILL thinks she's fat, she'll NEVER think she's skinny enough," making it sound like I'm completely anorexic. In reality, I have a few problem areas that I need to work on some more and could maybe stand to lose 10 more pounds, but she has to announce this to the world and make it sound like I have an eating disorder.

Then we're eating dinner. I have one plate that I put a little of everything on without taking a lot of one thing. That way I'm not going to feel like I have to go back because I missed something. When you take a spoonful of a few different dishes, the plate can get pretty full. So my mom then decides to say loudly, "You know, if you keep eating like that, you WILL be fat AGAIN."

The fact that 99% of the time, I live off veggies and lean cuisines means nothing, apparently...but what do I expect from the woman that told me that I must be starving myself because I got into a smaller size than her. She's a 12/14. I'm an 8 right now and am just shooting for a flat stomach, then I'll be happy. It's not like a 00 is falling off me.

No offense to anyone who is that size, it's just not a size I could personally get to without risking my health. My bone structure's just too big for that.

Re: my annoyance isn't male or elderly...
 

Ohhhhh, yes. This reminds me of what happened when I went to one of my out-of-state cousins' weddings in high school. See, I looked like a complete dork all through middle school and the first year of high school, with these big glasses and scary '80s hair (hey, I'm from eastern KY, all right?). So then at the end of my freshman year, I got contacts and grew out my hair, but of course my out-of-state relatives didn't know that because we only got together once in a blue moon. Well, my cousin has this big wedding, and I went with my parents...and my aunt and uncle didn't even recognize me. They were like, "Who the hell is THAT?" I liked the reaction, because people just ignored me before, but all of a sudden everyone was being soooooo nice to me and introducing me to all these people, and then my cousin remarked to my parents that if she'd known "how much I'd grown up"--meaning, how much better I looked--she would have asked me to be a bridesmaid, too. (My older sister was a bridesmaid and my younger sister was the flower girl.) That sort of ticked me off because it was like saying, "Well, you weren't good enough before, but now that you don't look like a white female version of Steve Urkel, you're OK." Geez.

But that's a shame about your mom--I think she's jealous! She should be supporting you instead of trying to make you insecure.