It happens SO MUCH now! Women hear of a girl in another chapter going early alum or inactive for no reason, and they think they can do it in our chapter. We do not do any early alumnae status, and have the same standards for inactive status as you do for reduced membership. Lots of women today, in my opinion, feel that once their closest friends leave, they want to leave too, and don't take the time to reinvest in the new women. And then when you can't give them inactive status, they say fine, I'll disaffiliate. It's such a problem.

I don't remember this happening when I was an active (late 70's) and it does seem I hear of it more now. I've almost gotten the sense - from the situations I've heard of, including the daughter of a close friend - that a) girls don't realize that this is a lifelong commitment, or b) they get tired of the commitment. Yes, there are times when girls experience financial stress, etc., so those are different than what I'm describing.

A friend's daughter, for example, tired of "being told where and when to be somewhere" so she deactivated. A few other girls I've been told about didn't think it was "a big deal" to deactivate, they just "didn't like being in the chapter anymore."

Once girls start doing it for those kinds of reasons, I think it can spread to other members and begin to "normalize" de-activating and making it seem like it's not that big a deal.

I also know that in some chapters (like the one I advise/attended), prom notes and payment plans only take you so far- you typically have to pay nearly all, if not all, and the time period can only be extended for so long. So I wouldn't necessarily count on being able to save a lot of money and/or spread it out over that long!

I really wish that the term "de-activate" didn't exist. That sounds to me like something that can be turned on/ off.

It is quitting. It is breaking your commitment. Young women may not really understand that this means their membership is wiped out. No legacy status for relatives. No alumnae ties when they are older.

We always referred to it as self-terminating. I think that more accurately captures the gravitas of the decision.

Totally agree.

I wonder if the "quitting rate" has increased with the revised pledge period. I feel so strongly that it's a mistake to pledge and then get initiated 9-10 weeks later because earning something makes a difference and that doesn't happen in a few months.

When I was initiated, I had studied and learned in-depth about Gamma Phi over 7 months, had really gotten to know my sisters (actives and pledges), had made my grades, had worked with my pledge class to become a true part of the chapter...I'm sad that girls don't get that these days (with the exception of Chi Omega who I understand sticks to second semester initiation, praise to them for this) for many reasons, including that when something takes time and you earn it, it can (and usually does) have much deeper meaning.

There are many members who are dedicated to their sorority that initiated within a few months, so this isn't anything against those members, but I do sometimes wonder about how early initiation has changed attitudes, not to mention lessens the ability to learn more about the sorority and what sisterhood for life means. At any rate, I certainly got to know many more sisters as a result of waiting and that made initiation even more special.

Sigh.

You are preaching to the choir, sister! I hate the speed with which we initiate now. The girls do not have the time needed to form bonds and attachments or do much to earn the rights of full membership. They don't even know their pledge class, much less all of the actives. We can't blame the pledges.

9-10 weeks? Heck, sometimes it’s FOUR weeks!

It would be one thing to hack pledging in half if rush was longer, and you had more time to get to know the rushees. I know mechanics at big schools don’t allow that though.

Wow, four weeks? The schools I'm familiar with rush in mid-August and initiate in late Oct./early Nov. Even if rush were longer, I would't be a fan of same-semester initiation. I think girls need to really learn about their sorority, what membership means, get to know actives and pledge sisters and realize they're having to earn it; I don't think that can be done in even 10 weeks. Even more so now since so many chapters are so big.

I've also been told by a few actives that some girls who 'quit' are those that don't come from a Greek background and are from an area where sororities aren't a big deal, so quitting doesn't seem to 'matter' because it wouldn't embarrass their families or be a big deal in their community. That said, I have friends whose daughter 'quit' and they were both Greek so this is not always the case.

I also think there's a different mindset among some college kids that's influenced by technology - i.e., they can get things so fast - text and hear back immediately, get something overnight from a business, etc. I think this is why some girls don't understand how feeling part of a chapter takes TIME, hence they don't even want to take a bid (if they don't like the house) and give it a try.

Lastly, I think some of this could be influenced by how big chapters are. When you have 300-400 girls, you could feel overwhelmed and disconnected, especially if you're having problems really giving it a try or realizing that bonding takes effort and time. I wrote in another post how oddly enough, you'd think large houses would give girls a chance to find their "own group" (especially for those who weren't thrilled with their bid, for example) but sometimes I think it works in the reverse - they never fully bond because of feeling overwhelmed by so many members (and perhaps feeling invisible), so they don't see a reason to stay.

What annoys me is when women deactivate, drop, go inactive, resign, whatever. But then still want to show up at social events. or come as a "date" of another sister to formal, semi-formal, date parties, etc. Basically they want all the "fun" stuff but none of the work. And then women in the chapter that are "friends" with these women don't understand what the big deal is about inviting them along. It might be harsh, but I would love to be able to ban them from all sorority social events and from visiting the chapter house. (yes I know there are valid reasons for dropping out, but they are few and far between IMO)

Sometimes, it's not even other sororities providing that information, but fraternities. Not that they're telling women, "Sure, just go inactive!" but I know of some fraternities that permit it, women hear this, and they assume the same goes for their organization. I've seen it happen.

At the chapters I've advised prior to my last placement, disaffiliation was never really an issue. Women were committed to the organization and knew the expectations. I took a 7 year break between advising stints, and with the chapter I currently advise, disaffiliation is thrown around all the time. And it's not just our chapter, it's campus-wide. I don't know why or when this change happened. And in my 4.5 years active, we never had one woman self-disaffiliate. Women may have depledged during the NM period every once in awhile, but once initiated, women didn't leave. It's truly disheartening to watch some days.

This bothers me as well. I know people from my chapter who have dropped for whatever reason but continue to list themselves as a member on social media, LinkedIn, come to social events, etc. I even know people who have had their own big-little reveal as they would have been grandbigs or great-grandbigs had they remained a member.

It's confusing to both new and active members, as there is no way of knowing if someone has resigned unless you ask them directly. My little is a member of a business fraternity and their policy is to announce who has resigned at their chapter meetings. While it may be disheartening, at least you would know who is and isn't going to be attending events and such.