Awww, Shine, my sympathy goes out to you and your family.

XOXO,
Annie.

Thank you, darlin. :)

Not sure how Shine got involved in this, but okay.

Digital, if I had known that you were starting this thread simply to get some sympathy I would have refrained from posting altogether. However, thinking that you wanted HONEST opinions that is what I gave you.

I think that Cream HAS given some really great advice, and been very tactful about it. However, she is saying essentially the same thing that myself and others are, she just has a much better way with words.

You cannot admonish us for not knowing things that you haven't posted (i.e. certain details about your father's tendencies or your travel arrangements). We can only go on what we read in your posts.

I just think that if you spent less time thinking about how bad you have it and more time working to improve it, you would feel much better.

How very Dr. Phil of me, lol.

Digital Angel,
I don't think you came off as spoiled at all in your post. Frustrated? Yes. Spoiled? No. Believe me, I know spoiled! One of my roommates last year was totally spoiled, and you seem far from it! My best friend is living with her Dad this year, and believe me, he is HARD to live with! So I see your need to vent. Good luck living with your Dad, and I hope things go better on the school/job front for you!

Hey...

libra - - off the subject, but I just checked your profile and you have the same birthday as one of my good friends - - rock on!

Anyhow...I'm tired of sticking up for myself here, it's obviously not doing any good. Again, all I wanted to do was vent and now that I have, I feel better. For anyone who may be interested, I am going to Indianapolis tomorrow for an interview...

Tanks phimu!!

1260

#1. You really are coming off like a spoiled teenager.

#2. You should feel blessed that you even have a father in your life that is loving and supporting you.

#3. Live your life. If you don't like your dad's rules, then move out and support yourself. As long as he is helping you in any way, you have NO RIGHT to expect anything.

#4. You should think twice before insinuating anything about wishing him dead (or killing him), joking or not. My dad has been dead a year this Friday, and I would give ANYTHING to have him back in my life.

Yours,
Shine

Do you all not remember being 19?!

Let he who paid every cent of their college education and greek dues themselves cast the first stone.

She's frustrated and looking for comfort or some positive advice. Some of you are helping. Some of you are exacerbating the situation.

If any of you posting about her "lack of maturity" had their parents pay for most of their tuition, helped with car insurance, health insurance, rent, etc, then get off your high horses. Lord, where is the sympathy that you all used to have. The kindess that drew young posters in? I am in shock.

Everyone must face reality, but let's show some humanity and basic tact.

DigitalAngel, check your PM's, kid.:)

I agree, pbpck! Who on here has never needed to complain about something? Heck, people complain about insignificant stuff every day, but I don't think this situation is insignificant at all. Yes, OK, when you live at home you have to respect your parents' rules BUT it sounds like her father is being unnecessarily difficult. I come from a home where my parents are strict compared to my peers' parents, but even my parents were nowhere near this unreasonable! Seriously. Quite frankly, it sounds like her father is not a happy person and needs someone to pick on, hence the way he makes demands but removes the means for them to be met. We're not talking about a case of "I wanna stay out 'til 5 am but my dad says I have to be home by midnight!" here--this is a little more serious.

I am in shock too. Do you really think no one in here had to actually WORK for what they have?

At 19, I had a full time job that paid for my rent, utilities, car insurance, ALL other bills, and scholarships/loans that paid for my full-time class load. Perhaps that is the reason I took the stance that I did. From my experience, you CAN be financially independent of your parents at age 19. That is why I have little tolerance for people who have never tried to wean themselves from their parents, yet complain about their current situation. I also have grown up on a strict regimen of "tough love" (i.e. learn life's lessons the hard way...on your own), which is why I am a bit harder than some other posters. I do not apologize for my attitude, but I have apologized to Digital for coming off as cold and insensitive.

I have to agree.

No matter the intent, the original post sounded bad. I paid most of my way through college. Once I moved out, I never went back.

I've been lucky enough to be able to pay for our kids schooling -- thanks to some nice scholarships.

I've also had kids come home to stay after being away at school or out on their own. They had to follow some rules -- some of which didn't sit well with them.

They tell me now that they look back with gratitude -- which makes us feel good.

It wasn't always easy at the time, though.

Alright.

I am not condoning the entitlement mentality of today’s youth, a mentality I once possessed. But I do advocate love and an implicit trust factor in the parent child relation. In life, a child is reared to believe that the parents are the ever present allies. The figures that will support and love him/her endlessly. Now, if mutual respect and love is practiced, I believe that a child will respect the parents enough to help out with the financial burdens in life as they move from teenager to young adult.

I often see this situation as one in which the parents are to blame as well. We are all human and have flaws and I believe that if a child is simply cut off financially with no warning it is out of subconscious irritation of the parent, a “that’ll show my child how rough life really is without me!” idea. For this we use the euphemism “tough love.” This idea causes such strain in relationships. I have been there myself.

Now on the other hand, if you raise your child to expect to be “emancipated” at 18, then they are prepared. If this mentality is consistently implemented in the 18 years of rearing a child, the idea of independence, then I can not criticize this parenting method. Pardon my conjecture, but this sounds like the manner in which you were raised, Libra soul.

I Pmed DigitalAngel and she went to college for her father, he wanted her too. She was unhappy in general and it was reflected in her grades. She was pulled out of school and is being treated like she is 13 again, if not worse. She doesn’t have a soft mother figure any longer for whatever reason to comfort her. I believe this calls for sympathy.

More than anything, mutual respect and mature communication with parents are INCREDIBLY important factors during this awkward transition stage in one’s life. I think DigitalAngel is not looking for endless financial support, but respect from her father. That is something we all deserve no matter WHAT the situation. With that respect, comes love and understandment and when her father does eventually pass on, he will be remembered fondly as should any loving parent. So Shine, I am sure she doesn’t wish her father dead, but is just frustrated. I am sorry for your loss, but your level of grievance shows that you had a loving relationship with your father. I think that is all DigitalAngel needs. This all goes way beyond such the simplistic financial aspect!

LibraSoul, I am still shocked.

AchtungBaby-Thank you, I fully agree with you as well!

I have to agree with Delt Alum, the first post did come off as ungrateful and sorry but............. lazy.

Everyone started posting and there wasn't much I could have said that was different. Even the parts that said the responses were harsh, because as someone requested-remember being 19 and your struggle for freedom.

I think at that age eveyone HATES or should, taking money from their parents. Do you pay for food, rent, utilities, phone, ANYTHING? There's a whole lot of information here like the REAL why's behind way too many questions to go into. I will agree the best thing you can do is sit down with your father (and don't be so sure the girlfriend is backing you 100%) and have that heart-to-heart you SHOULD have had when you were a Senior in HS. Like good, old Dear Abby said-pick neutral ground where you can be relaxed and no one will YELL! You father may think you should KNOW what you're doing wrong without having to tell you (because he's TOLD you a million times) and if he's thrown a lot of "threats" around before, maybe you are a little shocked because he finally followed through. Sometimes people DO need a brick wall to fall on them.


edited -pbpck-you posted as Iwas writing. I would wonder what being treated like a "13 yr old" if not worse entails. We all can paint pictures that are slightly worse than they really are. On the other hand, a 13 year old has prettystrict rules. Then, so do most children who live at home. The real hard part is going from total freedom ie, college, backto "rules' even if they are a simple as a Midnight curfew. AND cell phones aren't cheap and kids often run over their minutes...

I think I am more concerned with the general idea being conveyed through these posts rather than the direct issue, since as JAM posted, there are too many details to which we are not privy at this time regarding DigitalAngel‘s situation.

I do not mean to be argumentative, but honestly I just felt DigitalAngel needed some helpful advice not even more criticism that everyone was so eager to dole out.

I have worked 40 hour weeks, took a full load of classes, was active in my chapter and volunteered through out the community. I paid my sorority dues, rent, tuition, utilities, and book fees. I took the bus. I would love to say I find solidarity with all of you who state that you too have “put yourself through college.” But I feel I have sympathy who are facing the “reality” of the world very rapidly with some family crisis serving as the catalyst. I don’t feel the need to degrade someone for not being as capable and strong as infallible me. :rolleyes:. It’s very difficult to find the strength to do this. DigitalAngel is facing a lot right now. None of us know where she is coming from. I highly doubt she posted to be attacked. So let’s keep to the “good-old” ideas and call upon the “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all” rule. What good does it do anyone to tell this poster that she is selfish and spoiled. We are all spoiled to be living in this country, to be given the freedoms we are. I am sure we take that for granted as we complain about rush hour traffic daily.

I am just asking you all to be a bit sympathetic and at least have some tact when posting. If you would like to give the “parent” side, then give advice. If you choose to give her the “harsh reality” and belittle her, then I have lost a lot of faith in some of the posters on this board.

When someone posts about their dog dying, no one posts “well, my grandma died yesterday, get over yourself!” She is 19 and going through a lot of emotions.

Thanks, librasoul. :D You have great advice, too.

I've seen a few of these types of situations up close. I have found first comes sympathy/empathy and second comes advice. It's really difficult to make decisions when it seems like no one is on your side. Family problems are always the toughest to deal with.

DigitalAngel, I hope that everything works out for you. :) Good luck with the interview!

Well, as for my perspective.

I am 19 as well. I turn 20 next month. No, I am NOT fully self-sufficient. My loans pay my tuition, and I pay for food and books, but my mom pays my rent.

As someone in a similar situation to DA, I feel that she has no right to have such high expectations of her father. He is obviously letting her live with him and helping her out.

I don't know if it was the perspective I gained after my father's death, but I appreciate ANYTHING my mother gives me. Even a simple dollar. My mom shut off my cell phone last year. She was paying for it, so she had every right to.

I still stand firm that if your parents support you AT ALL, you should appreciate that, because they don't have to.

I know many people my age who's parents kicked them out at 18 and expected them to support for themselves. Parents have EVERY right to do that, so if they support you AT ALL, you should be greatful.