Good Grief, give the poor dad a break! His information for the most part was correct!

My daughter will be a senior at Ole Miss next year and is looking forward to her third and final rush (recruitment) as an active. She has seen the process first hand, from all directions.

Olemissdad was just trying to let PNM's know what to expect as their eager little selves arrive on campus next month. They may have been special little snowflakes in high school, but they are just another face in a crowd of exceptional young ladies all vying for spots in sororities.

VERY few girls have a "perfect rush". Most will be cut from at least a few sororities, and just about all will experience some sort of disappointment. Even those few who do have a "perfect rush" are still disappointed when their friends are cut from houses. There is no way for PNM's to control which houses they will be invited back to. They rank, but where they fall on the lists is not up to them. No PNM should go through only wanting a handful of sororities. They need to be prepared for cuts & understand that there is no bad sorority at Ole Miss.

My daughter went in wanting Tri Delta, and ended up with a Tri Delta bid, but she was cut from other sororities and even though those were not her "target" house, the sting of being cut was difficult for an 18 year old. Rush at Ole Miss is absolutely a game of Russian Roulette! You spin the wheel and you end up in the sorority that wants you! You may have friends in certain sororities, but so do most girls. Think about it like this: There are over 300 actives all voting and trying to get their favorites in. At the end of the day, there are only 150 spots. PNM's and actives alike will be disappointed throughout the week! If you don't have connections, or friends in the sororities, it becomes all that much harder.

There are several sororities on campus that have more legacies going through than they have spots. Ole Miss dad didn't say anything about girls not receiving bids, he just that their "target house" may not have enough spots for them. This is so true! PNM's should never be disappointed when their favorite sororities cut them! They should not take it personally, it is TOTALLY a numbers game. And, just because you are a legacy, doesn't guarantee you a bid! My daughter was a legacy to another sorority that cut her after the first round.

Now, for an eyeopener. Yes, there will be some PNM's who will be dropped from recruitment all together. The poster who said that as long as you stick to the program, you will receive a bid is misinformed! Yes, they do try to place as many girls as possible, and if you make it all the way through to pref, you are theoretically supposed to receive a bid, but I've known girls to be completely dropped after the first round! There are quite a few girls who will not make it to pref. There are too many reasons to list, but low GPA's and terrible reputations are on the top of that list.

Give the guy a break! I've read and re-read his post, and he is correct. You ladies are just twisting his words!

To all the PNM's and their anxious moms: Go into recruitment at Ole Miss prepared. Understand that most girls have higher than a 3.2 GPA, great resumes, honors, accomplishments, talents, and strong connections in various sororities. Prepare for disappointments and know that the quicker you get over those disappointment, the quicker you can get excited about the sororities you still have left on your list! My daughter has friends in just about every sorority, and NONE are unhappy!

You just reiterated what we said.

Hearttoheart, are you a member of the Greek community? I'm just curious. The OP, who is clearly not a sorority alumna, needs to stop handing out advice regarding sorority recruitment. Parents, if you are not members of the Greek community, please refrain from dispensing advice about recruitment. That's like giving people legal advice because your significant other is an attorney. Just stop!

Yes, I did belong to a sorority 27 years ago at a small state university no where close to Mississippi or the SEC. My experiences were COMPLETELY different than both my daughters, who have also had very different experiences at their respective schools. I have to admit that I am not active in my sorority, but am very active in my daughters lives and volunteer with their sororities, in my role as mom. I have actually volunteered during rush, and have a pretty good understanding of what goes on.

As a parent, I helped both my daughters find recs, polish their resumes, shop for rush outfits, guide them, and encourage them. I was there on bid day when both of them received their bids. I helped pick up the pieces when they were hurt, and celebrated alongside them on the lawn of their sororities on bid day. I am a mentor to both.

I believe that an Ole Miss parent will have more first hand knowledge of what occurs during recruitment at Ole Miss than any alumnae from a different chapter at a different school will have. Ole Miss recruitment is a horse of a different color! People are shocked when I tell them stories and show them pictures.

olemissdad likely has similar experiences! If his daughter shares half as much with him as my daughters share with me, then I would guess he knows what he is talking about. He didn't pretend to be an expert, just a dad who like me has probably seen girls fall to their knees and cry when their bid card didn't have their first choice written on it. Ole Miss recruitment is brutal! Tent talk is vicious!

He was just trying to help and everybody jumped on him like he was the anti-Christ.

This website is not just for Greeks! It is also for moms and dads who love their children enough to be involved in their lives. The fact that it is a public forum tells me that it is for anyone who has experiences to share.

He gave honest advice in an attempt to help others navigate rush.

He plainly said that there were not enough spots in the chapters for all the PNMs and therefore some girls would be left out. He is incorrect.

It is true that all legacies to a particular chapter may not receive a bid to that chapter. That does not mean that they will not receive a bid to another sorority. It is true that some girls will not receive a bid to their first choice. But they will most likely receive a bid to one of the other sororities where they attended a pref party if they maximize their opportunities.

RFM maximizes the chance that a PNM will receive a bid, but it does not guarantee that the bid will be from a legacy house, nor that a PNM will receive her first choice. I don't have to be from Ole Miss to know this. I just need to understand RFM and know that that method is used at Ole Miss.

I don't think olemissdad had any ill intent in posting what he did, but yes, he is definitely misinformed.

I think that anyone who is defending any part of what he said needs to re-read what he wrote:

Please forgive me ignorance but what does RFM mean?? I have been following now for awhile and can't figure this one out.

As for this thread....it has been a lively one and at the end of the day, I truly do wish all the girls the best of luck. Best advice I can offer is going in with an open mind and not allow oneself to be influenced by all the talk they will undoubtedly hear. We ALL want the best for our daughters and do not wish for their hearts to be crushed, but recruitment is a tough process which I do know first hand but there is happiness to be found if one stays positive and open to ALL possibilities. :)

stef831 - RFM is Release Figure Methodology. It has to do with membership selection, and if you do a search, you'll find out all about it.

As for the rest of this thread, I'm going to follow my instincts next time.

The helicopter blades are strong.

And - QFPing. See my post, above.

Thanks I will check it out. Still being so new to the process here, I love learning as much as I can about all of this. :)

The best way to ensure that your daughter isn't disappointed -either mildly or strongly - with her options during recruitment at Ole Miss or any other school is to raise her not to feel entitled! If she has learned to accept and appreciated what she gets instead of pining for what she didn't, she'll be fine. It's the ones who've always gotten what they want who have the problems. As long as you meet the qualifications for pledging - grades, activities, character - there is a place for her in EVERY recruitment. And the person who has all those qualifications can appreciate what's offered to her.

Thank you for quoting me for posterity. I feel honored. Also for suggesting I'm a helicopter mom. You're right about that one! I am as passionate about my daughters as you ladies are about Greek life. It seems we all have our obsessions.

If you ever get the chance to attend an Ole Miss bid day, I suggest you go! It is the craziest experience I have ever had! SO MANY HELECOPTER MOMS AND DADS! I love the fact that my daughter goes to a school that parents still care about their children!

I live two states away, so believe it or not, she still gets to be an adult with me on the phone offering advice when she asked for it. Lucky me because she seeks my advice daily.

It's my money paying for her tuition, room, board, vehicle, essentials, and sorority dues. I will not fully consider her a self sufficient adult until she is able to fully support herself.

One last through. Let's give olemissdad the benefit of the doubt. I believe he was referring to "target" houses and "older" chapters. Not actual spots in the Greek system.

You believe, but have no evidence to support, that he was referring to "target" and "older" chapters. At the very LEAST his "advice" is badly written, and our fear is that those with no background in sorority recruitment will be ill-informed and pessimistic. GC regulars with local and national experience have provided plenty of pragmatic advice in the stickied threads. There is no need for misinformation to continue to be spread, and of course we are going to correct it.

As a college professor, I am VERY familiar with the helicopter/snow plow parents, and the crippling effect their failure to let their children grow and mature has. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ed-needinessWe have a secret FB group where we share stories about the lengths obsessive parents will go to in order to advance their snowflakes. Hilarious - and frightening. It's not just a problem for colleges, of course - http://www.forbes.com/sites/ashleyst.../#b25b66d35089

As a mother, I would be embarrassed if my 18 - 22 year old had to call me every day for advice. Passionate about my daughters? You bet - but I have my own life to live, so don't care to try and live through theirs. I prepared my daughters well, and my eldest is now going to England to complete two master's degrees after graduating with a 3.96, and my youngest is a level 2 sommelier at a 5 star restaurant. Can they call me for advice? Sure - but I've equipped them to be able to stand on their own two feet and think for themselves, so they don't feel insecure in making their own decisions, and I've treated them as being capable and independent from an early age.

Being the mother of a sorority member is not the same thing as being a member, and whatever you may have heard from your daughters is not the same thing as being in the trenches, especially since members don't often see the whole picture as the alumnae advisors do. You note you were in a sorority, past tense, so by your own admission your personal experience was radically different and over 2 decades ago. Most of those who have responded are still active, and are still working within the system and have personal experience to draw on and use as a basis for advice. The goal of the long-time GCers I've seen post here is to help the most pnms find homes, so given their long history of commitment to that, they can be trusted to post about anything that might interfere with that.

SWTXBelle just did the most awesome mic drop. It would behoove PNMs to think about taking advice from her, FSUZeta, AZTheta, Titchou, and many other long time GCers who may or may not have attended or worked with the Ole Miss chapter of their organization. As stated earlier, many of us have attended or worked with sorority recruitment as alumnae, to include with chapters in the SEC. Maximize your options, be respectful to every woman who invites you into her home, keep your grades up, and get involved on campus. Recognize that all of the chapters on campus at Ole Miss (as on all campuses with Greek life) have something of value to offer. Good luck with recruitment.

Oh my goodness, I apologize! I didn't realize I had stepped into a conversation about parenting styles. I had no idea there are parenting experts here that are qualified to judge my relationship I have with my daughters. (who by the way is attending college 800 miles away from home and is capable of a 4.0 gpa) Perhaps I should be apologizing to my children for ruining them. Glad I could add an entertaining "hilarious" topic to your secret FB page!

I thought we were discussing recruitment at Ole Miss! My mistake! So sorry if I assumed my experience would be helpful to other Ole Miss parents as their daughters go through recruitment.

In my experience, my own sorority, a sorority that I paid dues to and supported throughout the years, did not hold their Ole Miss chapter accountable to their national by-laws. According to my sororities national policy, legacies were to be invited to at least the first two invitational rounds as a courtesy, to get to know them better. My mother, my sisters, my oldest daughter and I all belong to this sorority (which will remain nameless). They dropped my youngest daughter after the first round. You want to talk about heartbreak. Not so much my youngest daughter, who had already set her sights on another sorority, but the rest of us were shocked. When I called our national chapter to discuss, I was told "Oh, we wish we had more control over that Ole Miss chapter, they just always do their own thing." !!!!! This is just one example, I could give others, but chose not to.

Ole Miss sororities are old and enormous and set in their ways. I cannot speak for my daughters sorority, but MY sorority apparently does there own thing without regard for all these policies you ladies are so quick to point out.

SWTXBelle, your sorority does not even have a chapter at Ole Miss! You may be an expert in all things Gamma Phi Beta, you may be firmly entrenched as an alumnae adviser for your sorority, but you cannot possibly have any idea what goes on behind the scenes at Ole Miss. None of us can possibly be experts in all sororities at all campuses nationwide!

Olemissdad was speaking from his experience. I am speaking from mine. You are speaking from yours. It is poor manners to assume your advice is the only advice people want or need to hear. Collectively, we all have useful advice. None should be dismissed.

For the record, I am a 48 year old woman who still calls her mother daily! Scandalous, I know!