James: Awww...rock on, guy! You are ten steps ahead of many, many men out there.


And something you posted made me re-think what I posted earlier. Yes, lying can be ok. For instance, I DO NOT want to hear that the ex-gf was "wild in bed." It makes me feel inadequate. But lying about what you did last night? Baddd.....

I have also learned that if you want to date someone who is very similar to you, keep on loving the good, but be patient with the bad. Sometimes it's hard to deal with someone who reacts in the same negative way you might, but if you can see it as what it is, you learn a lot about yourself.

I have learned that I should date men my age, not too young and not too old. I need to date men who share my values and have similar goals. Trust, respect, and honesty are essential in a relationship. Also compliments are always nice if they are sincere. :D

Never live your life for someone else. Before long you'll look in the mirror and you won't be able to recognize the person staring back at you.

Don't push away all of your friends for your significant other. If you don't have friends, who are you going to turn to when you have a huge fight?

WOW!!! Some of these are great lessons!!! Sometimes despite how much the relationship/break up hurts the lessons we learn are much much more vaulable!!

I thought I would bump this back to the top .. . . surely some of the people that post the most about their problems have also learned effective strategies for improving their relationships?

No? Well that would explain a lot LOL . . .

James.....the things you have learned are all wonderful things to know and i am so impressed that guys can learn those things. Almost everything on your list were things i wanted my ex boyfriend to learn desperatley. Ive had many, many arguments over them...especially the ones having to do with respect and manners...it is so true...people tend to take each other for granted the longer they are with them...and respect is often the most damaging thing that goes away.

The belching/farting thing is so true....it is never funny...it is probabaly the biggest pet peeve of mine.

The part you wrote about girls venting made my heart skip a beat...my ex always used to try to solve my problem or tell me how to fix it...when most of the time i just wanted him to listen and give me a hug. Even when i told him that, he never really understood.

The small gift thing is also very true....id rather a guy buy me my favorite frappacino at starbucks than a fancy necklace...it just means more.

Anyway, you seem to have learned almost all the vital lessons there are on how to treat a girl...nice going!

ttt

I have learned that I don't have the time, energy or patience to deal with a relationship and therefore, have stopped dating altogether.

ETA: I've also become increasingly picky, which makes it even worse.

I learned my way down town.

How to open to someone, and when/where to say what. Yeah. Also, how to find a way to be there in right time.

I've learned that the following is SOOO true:

-Women have to love a few bad men to appreciate a good one.

-Always believe you deserve to be loved and someone out there is looking for you.

-Always talk things out...NEVER let something bother you inside.

-ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR WORTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've learned how to:

Smash harder and smash often(er).


Do you see the pattern?

Because it's all about the ern.

I've REALLY learned about giving and taking. How both need to do both, in order to suceed. You can always give.. and you can't always take. Each party needs to be able to give and take from their partner.

I know that might sound quite simplistic.. but I've learned that in the 3 months I've been living with my husband-to-be.

Also - that it really is not worth it to get upset about every little thing.






PS- James.. your long post with everything you have learned from 2002 was awesome. SO MUCH of it is true. :D

some shit doesn't always have to be discussed.

I've learned...
 

Not only does most of this go for dating but also marriage...

Pick your battles... Not everything is worth arguing about if it really is not a the "end of the world"... It may be valid to you, but you need to ask yourself will you stop breathing if you do not have what you want out of your relationship?

Never let a partner fill that "void" you think you need to fill that should be found inside yourself... Be independent to stand on your own if you have to. If you like window shopping at the mall every weekend and your significant other hates all shopping, then be able to fulfill that "void" by yourself and not require that the entire relationship hinges on your significant other's presence... Maybe sometimes, but not ALL THE TIME...

And the only huge expections you can place on anyone is yourself... It is unfair to place any kind of expection on someone else because you are basically setting yourself up for failure every time you do it.

And just sometimes, just go with the flow and have fun. Relationships should be ~95% fun even during the hard and bad times. If it is going to last, you have to be able to laugh about it--most of the time... Because if you cannot laugh about some of the hard and bad times, when they do come, then what will you have to look forward to in the memories from them or the lessons you must learn from them...