Wrote a response last night but fell asleep. Others have articulated some of the contents of that post.

Bottom line: you drop your current chapter, and you go through recruitment next year. Be aware that you may well have a stigma of sorts attached to you due to the events of this recruitment. We (sorority members) aren't elephants (or eggplants), but we do have long memories, and this will probably be in some peoples' minds next year. However, it seems that membership in Kappa is your goal, so with that in mind, act accordingly.

Just be willing to accept the consequences and pay the costs. That's all. I wish you good luck. The situation as you've described it is problematic and I don't see any quick or easy resolution, especially since more than a day has passed since bid day.

As for the other chapter, given your "unfortunately" remark, I don't see the benefit of asking you to give them a chance.

OP - Is there any possible chance that your grandma didn't meet the requirements of a Kappa in good standing? Or whatever language they use? Just trying to think through technicalities.

If you have friends in the chapter you should definitely let them know that you had ranked them first. They can start the ball rolling from inside the chapter. But take note that unless one of your friends happens to be the President or VPM they are unlikely to know where you fell on the bid list.


I'm also wondering if an email is a good idea or not to explain your situation. Basically you want all parties involved getting the same info. Email "To" the President and VPM of the local Kappa chapter, the President and VPM of the campus Panhel, and your Rho Chi. "CC" your grandma, the President and VPM of the chapter from which you got a bid, the campus Greek Life / Sorority advisor.


If the Kappa chapter doesn't jump through hoops to properly claim you, then my advice is to pull an Elsa and let it go.


Lastly, time for some introspection, is there anything that you may have done that would have caused them to pull you from the bid list or at least drop you down to the bottom? It likely would have required last minute approvals but think hard about it. Is there anything they could have learned about between when Pref invites were issues and before Bid lists were delivered to Panhel that would have caused them any concern?

I sincerely hope that you did not accept your bid to the chapter that offered it to you. If you did, I hope that you will terminate your pledge immediately. I really am not being snarky. I think it will be for the best all around.

Just throwing out the possibility that the unfortunately bit is tied to her disappointment at not getting a Kappa bid and not a true reflection of her thoughts of the chapter that did bid her. I really think that without tone of voice that sentence could be read either way. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt.

Let. it. go.

You want to go to all this trouble to join a chapter that didn't want you as much as they wanted other women on their bid list? You want to be the NM they were forced to take because you were a legacy?

Let it go.

I meant "unfortunately" as in I know that by accepting a bid to a different chapter and signing a MRABA, that I'm not legally allowed by Panhel to just switch into Kappa, whereas if I hadn't accepted a bid, then Kappa could have potentially just added me to the quota. No need for the harsh comments. But thank you to the others who offered advice!

Not exactly correct.

Actually, if you listed both chapters on your MRABA, and one chapter offered you a bid, you're bound for a year regardless of whether you accepted it or not. That's how this works. The language is clear.

If you had ISP'ed (only listed Kappa) even though you attended two parties, you wouldn't be eligible for a quota addition. However, you would have been eligible for COB after recruitment ended, IF Kappa or another chapter was below total and was participating in COB. Considering Kappa met their quota, this probably won't happen/wouldn't have happened.

If Kappa was your only invite, THEN you would have been a quota addition.

Just trying to help you see your options clearly. This is kind of complicated.

ETA: If I screwed this up, PLEASE someone tell me so I can fix this. I am trying so hard to be accurate.

AZTheta you are correct. I suspect the OP understands the gist of the policy even if she didn't phrase it accurately. She "gets" that by listing both chapters, signing the MRABA, and ending up with a bid to the other chapter blocks her from Kappa snapping her or COBing her later.

^^^ yay me! I finally got it right? Holy COW. I can't read into what people mean when they write, I get too confused.

So when she wrote "switch into Kappa" I was like "no, no, no - doesn't work that way".

Just to clarify, this IS your grandmother by blood or legal adoption, right? (I'm assuming it's your dad's mom, since you didn't mention being a legacy through your mom) Grandpa's wife #2 who is not your dad's mom would not be considered your grandma, the way KKG phrases it.

Yes sorry for the confusion--I know how MRABA/COB/snap bids work I just phrased it incorrectly! And yes, it's my dads mom.

This. I wouldn't drop to join this chapter, even if it is my legacy chapter. They messed up, either deliberately (to avoid taking a legacy that they don't want) or through carelessness. Either way, it doesn't reflect on them in a positive way.

You may have dodged a bullet. Make the best of the chapter that bid you and forget about those girls. It's their loss.

Sometimes these things have a way of working out for the best in the long run, even if it doesn't seem so at the time. While it is nice to continue the legacy tradition, it in no way should diminish the opportunity you actually do have. And depending on how recently this all happened, you may well be able to still accept the bid you were offered.

I'm sure this really sucks for you since you were so certain how this was all going to work out, but it might be time to make lemonade, so to speak.

I am guessing with her post centering so on legacy status, not to mention finding direct quotes, she would have mentioned if mom was in another group, went to college and didn't join etc etc.