I agree. Encourage her to give it a chance. She is not allowed to rush for a year, so she needs to make a huge effort by going over to the house for meals or just hanging out. She needs to give herself time to meet other members and make friends with girls in her new member class. When initiation time comes around, if she is still not happy, then she should speak to her big sister and her pledge trainer and tell them how she feels and then she should decide if she wants to drop or go thru with the initiation.

On the other side of that coin TarheelMom, if she's more worried about what others on the outside think of her than what she feels for herself, perhaps she has more growing up to do before she is ready for a lifetime commitment to others who considered her worthy.

Just a thought.

Also, the tent talk all but disappears 5 minutes after rush is over, and while it seems like the entire world is judging you, most of the school neither knows nor cares. It's just hard to believe that when you're inside the bubble that is NPC rush at a large campus.

Tarheel Mom, tell your DD that NONE of the young men at school will give a flip about which sorority she is in! They really won't.

UNC is an interesting campus. It is Southern traditional and has the distinction of several top award winning chapters for their respective NPC groups. Though there are long-standing perceptions, I know alumnae from most of the chapters and feel comfortable saying that she can find strong sisterhoods in any of them.

Thank you all for your advice. I talked with her last night and again encouraged her to stick it out for a few weeks before making any decisions. She said the sisters have been wonderful - they've all friended her on FB and sent sweet messages about how happy they are to have her. She seemed very upbeat on the phone. Then this morning she texted me a picture that broke my heart. Everyone that pledges a sorority is surprised by a dorm door decoration with their name on it - usually it is their sorority symbol. My daughter's had been torn and vandalized. She lives in a coed Freshman dorm, and Thursday night is a big night out. Someone probably thought they were being funny. Her roommate's door decoration for a different sorority was untouched. If she sticks this out, I will admire her so much and it will show such a strength of character.

TarheelMom, stay strong. Those who do such acts are, as we know, not worth our time. That was hurtful, yes. I am reminded of the young woman who made a video in response to cyber comments about her weight. I'll search for it.

(((hugs))) to you and her, and shame on those who did such a mean thing.

For the love of Mike, people need to grow the feck up.

I made a jack o lantern from construction paper and put it on my dorm door freshman year-everyone on my floor decorated their doors for holidays. Someone threw food on it and ripped it almost in two. But I think it was just a random act of idiocy. I don't think it was any of the girls on the floor because we all got along. I too lived in a coed dorm and I think it was probably some random guy from a different floor (the floors were single sex). I didn't know many guys in the dorm and the ones I did know were friends. I hope the vandalism your daughter experienced was also random.

I'm so sorry to hear about the act of vandalism. Young adults are very spontaneous without much empathy for others who are the subject of their cruel hurtful actions. Maybe it can be replaced?

It already has been! Her sweet roommate fixed it for her!

Yay!!!

TarHeelMom, I'm glad you told her to consider sticking it out. As someone who has attended various institutions for school, I can tell you that reputations of sororities and fraternities vary from school to school. I've seen what are known as "top tier" sororities at my undergraduate institution be viewed as "bottom tier" sororities at some of my graduate institutions. Conversely, I've watched girls act like they were too good for what they viewed as "bottom tier" sororities at my undergraduate institution, as they cried that they got that bid while girls who got cut by that same sorority at my graduate institution were beyond crushed. Sisterhood is more than four years. It's for life. I can guarantee you that whatever sorority she joined at UNC has very strong chapters at other great schools where girls would be thrilled to get a bid to that sorority. Also, when someone tells me they are Greek from another well-respected university, I don't think, "Well, I wonder if they were top or bottom on their campus." I just think, "Wow. This person went to a great school (like UNC) and they were Greek. They must have had a really cool collegiate experience." Good luck to her.

I've been involved in various alumnae associations as I've moved around and one thing that almost never comes up is who was in a struggling chapter and who was in the IT girls chapter. We all look and behave the same as grown ups!

That is small consolation right now, but if she can look at the big picture, she can appreciate her great sisterhood for what it is, not for what it isn't or could be.

The whole concept of tiers is just so frustrating to me. Based on what?? Looks? How well they did in a homecoming decorating contest or talent competition? Grades? Who determines this??

It creates an environment where girls come in thinking they need a certain chapter or chapters because they are in the top tier by someone's estimation.

What is important is to find like minded people you can see yourself forging a bond with. So if you are a high achiever and high grades are really important to you, then look for a chapter that holds those ideals high. If you want a chapter that is a bit more "laid back" and isn't super competitive about things, then look for a chapter with those qualities. If you are preppy, hippie, athletic, etc.....look for girls you feel may share those qualities, though I am sure every chapter will have girls who fit those descriptions.

College is a time to begin thinking for yourself and to not be narrowed down into thinking your must fit in a "tier".

Tell your daughter to put a sign back on her door! Why let someone ruin her fun? Have her call her Bid Day Buddy or other active assigned to her this week. She should tell her what happened and I ask her to help her make a new sign for her door. It will give her an opportunity to spend time with a/some sisters and show some initiative.