My Vote...
 

Give the bracelet back!!! (Even though it's perty :D), you don't want to feel like you "owe" him anything, if you know what I mean. ;)

Imperial 11, since you're asking for feedback, it sounds like you've already made the decision to give it back!!!!!!!!!!!! and you want to know if you're crazy for returning a piece of jewelry because the person who gave it to you wants something way more than you're willing to give him.

Be strong young one, and follow your mama's advice! Give it back so you can sleep soundly at night. Like one of the posters said, you may receive something 10 fold, maybe not money or presents but what YOU have been searching for in a mate.

So, Imperial11 what happened? Did you return the bracelet??

I still have it in my possession. I spoke with the guy again a few days later and told him that I thought that this bracelet was too expensive for him to be giving to me. He admitted that he hoped it would make me look at him in a different light, but he can clearly see that that didn't happen. I pointed out that his wishful thinking was even more of a reason why I couldn't keep it, but he insists that he would like for me to keep it because he meant for me to have it regardless of whether or not I decided to be with him. He says that if I like it, I should keep it and not worry about the cost because he has $$$$$ and it's no big deal.

So, I have decided to hold on to it for him. If at any time I feel as though he is "holding it over my head", he'll get it back. Also, if he ever asks for it back, I'll give it to him. I figure that by saying that I'll "just hold on to it for him" I am promising myself that I will not get attatched to it. I'm just going to look at it as though I'm keeping it safe for a friend. I'm not going to keep trying to throw it back at him, though. Why let perfectly good diamonds go to waste? I know that he won't take it back and get a refund anyway.

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. ;)

My newest dilemma!!
 

Okay, here goes!!!!

I have been dating a guy (not the one who gave me the bracelet back in '02) for about 7 months now and I need advice. He is a really sweet, compassionate, and "family oriented" man. Anywho, we've had many discussions about our futures as far as possible marriage and children together are concerned. My problem with him so far is that he feels that a husband and wife should split all expenses (household bills and entertainment) 50/50. His arguement is that a marriage is a partnership. I agree with the "partnership" thing but feel that splitting bills in half equals "roomates", not husband and wife. When my parents were together, my father paid all of the household bills and my mother made sure the house was stocked with detergent, toothpaste, food, etc. She also bought clothes for me and my brother. Since this is what I saw growing up, I'm programmed to believe that this is what a man does. He's a provider for his family. He says I'm selfish because my motto is, "I'm either going to pay all of the bills or very few of them and if I'm paying them all, you ain't gonna be here".

Like I said before, I really care about him and could see us being together long term, but money is a very important issue for me and we are already bumping heads about it. I just don't see how a marriage could work if a couple is already bickering about who pays for what during the dating period. So my questions are:

1) Am I being unrealistic?
2) Am I being selfish?
3) Is it too early to even be thinking about this type stuff?
4) How likely is it that his perspective will change?

BTW, here are a few facts about us just in case it makes a difference to anyone:

He's 29 & I'm 23
He already has a child
It's highly likely that I'll always make more money than him

I always wondered how married people paid bills. Clearly my people aren't together. I am very interested in hearing what others have to say. I have never been exposed to married life, outside of television, and I wonder how it is really done.

Re: My newest dilemma!!
 

To answer your question about are you being unrealistic, my answer to you would be no. If you are splitting the bills 50/50 that is your roommate, not your husband. I am not married, but I do know married couples that the husband provides for the wife. However, the wife works outside the home and manages the money within the household. So, its realistic...some may think its old fashion, but its doable.

Are you being selfish? I don't think that you are.

How likely is it that his perspective will change??
For the most part, however he is, that is how he is. You cannot change him.

To gain some clarity, my advice would be to pray about it. God will answer your prayers. However, you should be open to the answer, even if it is not what you want to hear.

Peace. One. Continued blessings.

Imperial,

Have you ever seen The Joy Luck Club? If not, watch it. One of the daughters is in a marriage where they split EVERYTHING down the middle. Y'all should watch that and then discuss that scene.

What do I think? I agree with you, mostly. I do think that everything should be 50-50, but not all like that. For example, we each put a certain percentage of our checks into a joint account each pay period (say, 50%). If he makes more money than I do, he ends up putting in more money, but proportionately, it's the same. Then the bills and household stuff come out of that joint account; whoever is more financially savvy handles that account. Then again, I don't have a man, lol, so perhaps he wouldn't go for this, either.

Re: Re: My newest dilemma!!
 

Ditto. I realized after I posted that I didn't even answer the questions. :o

Re: Re: Re: My newest dilemma!!
 

LOL!!!

You answered the main question. So its all good.:D

Re: My newest dilemma!!
 

Here are my answers:

1) No.
2) No.
3) No.
4) Not likely.

My husband makes more than I do, so from his check we take care of the majority of the bills. I take care of the other things (food, my cell, clothes, etc.), but we don't, nor have we ever, done a 50/50 split. Your friend is right when he says that marriage is a partnership, but believe me, marriage is never 50/50 (now, this is just my humble opinion). There are gonna be times when you give more, and there will be times when he gives more (in the relationship). Anyway, somebody's gonna get tired real quickly of trying to remember who took out the garbage last and who washed dishes last, so now "it's your turn!". That mess gets old real quick. And you say he has a child. What happens if the child needs something (besides child support) and he needs to come up with funds? What happens with his "half" if for some reason he doesn't have it? Will he have to eat humble pie and tell you that he can't pay his "half" this month?

NuQueen, I've grown up much like what you've seen. My grandparents both worked outside the home, but my granddad would come home, plop the money on the table, and the rest was left up to my grandma! She'd take care of the bills, food, etc. and give him spending money. Guess it worked for them - they were married nearly 62 years.

I don't think it's necessarily too early to start thinking on these things if it seems like you're turning toward marriage. At least now you know how he thinks. And if this is gonna be an insurmountable obstacle for you, then you might wanna pull out your old bracelet! ;)

LOL@ "give it back". Y'all are tripping! KEEP IT! Mean are so cheap these days, if it were me I would not have even offered to give it back. He would've gotten a hearty "thanks" and a "see you later".

Ha Ha!! That was a little while ago, but I do still have it. He and I are still the best of friends though.

Oh and thanks to everyone for all of the input so far :)

Re: My newest dilemma!!
 

1) NO. A marriage is a collaborative effort built upon a spirit of cooperation. The times that you live in call for each person in the union to step up to whatever role is needed in the household. I will say this the only way you can compare this relationship to your parents is if this man is just like your daddy and if you are just like your momma and I'm sure even they had a bump in the road and had to learn how to compromise.

2) Yes and No. I'd suggest counseling with someone live in person. Don't rule it out because you are getting free internet counseling from us by posing your dilemma here. So you believe in counseling. You just need to change up the arena and include your man in it. You both have money issues. You need to understand his and he needs to understand yours.

3) I dunno. How long y'all been datin?

4) Not very