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Junior League: http://www.ajli.org/?nd=home
As to the financial aspect, I was trying to make the point that we are at the extreme low end. There are many schools where you are looking at upwards of two thousand for each semester. I was not making any comment whatsoever on your financial situation, I was attempting to explain the thought process. I in no way view motherhood as a bad thing, and considering that a large percentage of the posters on these boards have their own children, I'm sure they would agree. I believe that many of us were trying to say that you will be at a different (NOT WORSE) time of your life. |
I'm sorry that youhave had an experience that has left you with a less than good impression of Greek life. Had I been one of your rec writers (you did get recs, right?) I would have called the chapter's attention to just these things that we are indicating are usually a negative for older PNMs, especially those with children, and explained why I -as an alum and rec writer - think you would could overcome the conflicts and concerns. I would also have advised you to bring this up the first night in conversations with the chapters. It would have been the elephant in the room, so to speak, and bringing it up yourself would be a positive.
All that being said, membership selection is private but we can usually ferret some things out as we know what these chapters look for in NMs. Do you have the time to commit - and this typically means 4 years? That's one reason why upperclassmen have a problem. The chapters spend a lot of time, energy and money on recruitment. They want someone who will be there for the long haul. What are your other commitments? Academically, personally, financially. And what are your grades? You never mentioned that. While I may have errors in this post (it's 6 AM and I haven't finished my first cup of tea!) I'm not trying to get in - and your two posts leave something to be desired from grammar and spelling standpoints. And before you say you wouldn't discriminate, we are all correct when we say you would. Are you going to admit a gang member who is out on bail for a murder charge? Of course not. But the bar may be there but I assure you that there will be SOME membership criteria and someone could say you discriminate. And lastly, we do not hyphenate Panhellenic (if all the groups to which to refer are NPC groups). So be careful about that as well. We wish you luck. I also strongly suggest Beta Sigma Phi. I think it's just what you are looking for at your stage in life. |
This can't be said enough: membership in an NPC GLO is voluntary. We are private organizations. Membership selection is not discussed on this board, nor should it ever be discussed outside of the privacy of each GLO. You have no idea in reality as to why you were not invited to return. Neither do we.
Take time to step back from a situation when it creates a strong emotional reaction. It is always a good idea to write out things and get your feelings on paper, and then set aside what you've written for a cooling off period. You can return to it and edit it, not only for grammatical and punctuation errors, but for cohesiveness and clarity. That way you are responding and not reacting. This process develops self-control, insight, and perspective-taking abilities. There were many great points made in the responses that were written to you. You focused on a few things that you thought were judgmental and disciminatory, and didn't process the help that was being offered. Feel whatever you wish to feel (no one can control what anyone else thinks, feels, says, or does). But be careful: feelings are not facts. Call it being judged, being discriminated against, bottom line is that you were not selected for membership and that is a FACT. How you then move on from that fact is what differentiates the outcome. The choice is yours. Being older does not mean a person has maturity. It only means you have celebrated more birthdays. Being a grown up is not equivalent in any way to being an adult. (read David Richo's books for explanation of the difference). I know some 60 year olds who have less maturity than many 19 year olds. |
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You don't understand what sorority membership entails. It's not just mixers and parties. There are mandatory events. If you don't attend mandatory events, guess what happens to your membership. What do you do if your child is sick or gets hurt? (For which there is no way in the world that the world's best time manager to plan.) Most mothers choose their child. Apart from the mandatory event attendance scenario, don't you want to spend time with your child? I break my neck every day to get home from work at a reasonable hour just to spend time with my daughter before her bedtime. You don't get the childhood years back. Once they're gone, they're gone. Watching my daughter grow and develop has been the single most interesting and fulfilling (and hardest) thing I've ever done in my life. I can't imagine wanting to trade that for anything. Good luck to you. |
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No one knows why you weren't asked back. Who told you that? On a tangent, I'm so tired of hearing "OMG a 28 year old has NOTHING in common with 20 year olds." #1, it's not so much age, but where you are in life. Obvi if you are 28 and have a child you probably can't relate to a 28 year old who is in grad school and still working fast food to pay the bills. #2, not all schools have a Greek system where all the members are 21 or under. At a school made up of mostly commuter students, I'm guessing no one would blink an eye at a 28 year old. And at such a school, it's more likely that the amounts of events and the time commitment would be less than at a school where the majority of Greek members are "traditional" students. This all being said, a child takes a lot of time, and don't expect anyone (in any aspect, not just a sorority) to cut you slack because you chose to be a mother. |
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Grammar and spelling nazi aside (really, this place has spell check!!!), there are a million reasons why you might not have been chosen for undergraduate sorority membership, none at all having anything to do with motherhood. This is my guess, but I think that bunch of 18-22 year olds in a sorority are probably not specifically looking for someone "older" (I'm guessing you equate this with wiser, which is not always the case, but let's go with that for a minute) to inspire or teach them. Honestly, that's what the alumnae and advisers are for - women with experience in the organization. You also come across as very defensive. I can't assume to know how you carry yourself in person, but I can form opinions from how you handle yourself online. Which brings me to another point - when you go through recruitment (or go to a job interview, or a date, or anything these days), don't think for a second that members don't look you up online. It may seem trite, and some may think it's an invasion of privacy, but anything you put online can be used to form opinions about you. It's public, and you made it that way. I am sorry that you didn't achieve your desire to be in a college sorority. I suggest finding some thing or things that give you the social and emotional experiences you seek, because fighting others about this particular issue is not going to help you move on, it will only keep you lingering in a negative state. Good luck. |
What I read from you saying not once but twice, that you don't know what the Junior League is, is that you are venting about why your life sucks and you are not at all interested in input, advice or research to solve your problem. Rush failed for you. We can give you a whole bunch of reasons, but you already know them. There is such a thing as freedom to associate, and club members can choose whoever they want for whatever reasons. So the NPC sororities don't want you. What next? That's what we've been trying to give you help with and instead you have chosen to be bitter because those mean girls who are 10 years younger than you, unmarried and childless, think they're better than you.
So instead of finding a group of women who WOULD accommodate your situation and would provide you lifelong bonds, leadership opportunity and fun, you want to invent an organization from scratch, one that makes little sense and would have VERY little appeal to other women. But hey, go for it. You have lots of time on your hands and don't need help, so I would go for it and prove me (all of us) wrong. I'm sure your sorority, since you have it so under control, will be celebrating it's 100th anniversary (as many of ours have already and the others will be celebrating soon - both NPC and NPHC) in no time flat. Because the nearly 2600 years of combined experience among the NPC sororities probably reflects no gained knowledge over time that could be shared or learned from. BOLTY. |
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You know what, I'm remembering something(s) that happened when I was eighteen.
I didn't go to college right after High School, but did live and work in a dorm situation for about eighteen months after Graduation. Holy cannoli! Twenty women in one large attic between the ages of 18 and 23....I was too young and naive to "get" what the 22 and 23 year olds were doing...and they did their thing and we girls around our age would do ours. I made friends with the eighteen and nineteen year olds who were around, and the older girls would give me the heebee jeebies when they'd want to hang out with us younger girls. It was a "Hello....they're OLD! They don't get us....GO AWAY!" There was this RA who was 26, and the way she'd always come up to us and say "Let's hang out! There's this coffee shop in town that you HAVE to go to!" made us want to run for the hills. We wanted to go hiking, and go camping and do our own thing and we thought that she was extremely creepy for wanting to hang out with us. Looking back on that (hadn't thought of those times in....ten years....), I can see clearly how the women in the NPC groups on campus saw me, at twenty-eight wanting to hang out with them. Tres Creepy. Kallyssasmommy, I hope that my story didn't offend you.....but think back to when you were eighteen. Did you honestly want to spend an inordinate amount of time with someone who was twenty-six, twenty-seven or twenty-eight when you were that age? Perhaps this offers a bit of insight. |
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1st and foremost let me address the issue of spelling and grammar so many of you brought up. A. I was typing my responses back to some of you very late at night and was tired. B. In the moment I didn't care about spelling or grammar I was just responding. C. Even if I did really use bad grammar and suck that bad at spelling who gives a hoot. Janetgrisell Thank you for a nice response and for not being rude like some of these other people on here. I will look into Beta Sigma Phi. ColdinCanada11 Thank you for the link I will look into that. I appreciate your response and thank you for clarifying what you were trying to say. Titchou Not sure what Rec writers are must have been something that we didn’t have. I did address the issue with all 4 chapters and they knew from day one my age and that I was a mother. I understand that they prefer a 4 year commitment however I know for a fact that a few girls I rushed with who are upperclassmen got bids. As far as my other commitments academically I am a full time student, I am part of 2 clubs, I have my own charity that I started, and I do a lot of community service projects and I work a part time job. I have a 3.2 GPA which has been maintained throughout all of college and as far as money goes let’s just put it like this I can afford to pay the membership fees quarterly. As I said in the beginning of this post I understand that there were spelling and grammar mistakes however I explained how I feel about that. Yes I agree 100 percent there does need to be criteria let me tell you and everyone else who questions this what it should be. A Member must have good grades I think that is very important. A member needs to be a good person someone who cares about others and helping others. A member needs to be someone who is determined, honest, and hard working. A member should be a women who is strong and knows herself and isn’t afraid to be herself. A Member should be someone who is trusting and loyal. A Member should be someone who knows what sisterhood means and lives by the philosophies established within that sisterhood. So would I admit a gang member, call me a liar call me crazy ect. But I won’t say that I wouldn’t. Not saying that I would either, but everyone has a story and everyone makes mistakes and I am a strong believer that everyone even gang member murders deserve a second chance. I hyphenated Panhellenic because that is how I saw it on something I looked at online. Thank you for wishing me luck. AZTheta I do that was the reason why because I was told. Whether or not a person was allowed to tell me or got in trouble for telling me I do not know but I was told that was the reason. I found what you said here to be kind of funny and yet interesting at the same time. That way you are responding and not reacting. This process develops self-control, insight, and perspective-taking abilities. There were many great points made in the responses that were written to you. You focused on a few things that you thought were judgmental and disciminatory, and didn't process the help that was being offered. I did very much so process “THE HELP” being offered. What I did not and will not process is the hostility and rudeness of some people. Those who I believe helped me in answering my questions and giving positive feedback I did acknowledge and thank. I am quite capable of doing all the things you said Thank you very much. You spelled something wrong too should I become the grammar police. I wouldn’t do that though because I understand sometimes people are tired or typing to fast and make mistakes and are too tired to read through things and fix them. I know the choice is mine of how I handle it and I think I have handled it quite well. This post was never about how I handled it though or what my fiancés looked like or me not being selected. I could care less about not being accepted. I have dealt with the fact that it was not meant to be doesn’t mean though that it is any less upsetting when you are told to your face the reason you were not invited in is because of your age and being a mother. I agree with you that your age does not make you mature I was not pointing out that it did I know lots of people older than myself who are more immature then a child. I was simply just stating that in my case my maturity could have been something that was beneficial had I been given a fair chance. AMIBLUE I do understand the time commitment it was made very clear and I have lots of friends in sororities and I know it’s a lot of work and not just about parties. That is one thing that attracted me to the sorority lifestyle the fact that so many girls give back to the community, education is important, sisterhood is important ect. I respect all of those things and want them for myself it was never about being able to go to mixers or party’s. Of course I want to spend time with my child but there are things in my life that I choose not to disclose that would of and still do make it possible that I can have it all. I spend lots of time with my daughter and she knows she comes first but I do not think there is anything wrong with having me time. Thank you for the good luck wishes. 33girl I will disclose the 4 sororities Kappa Delta, Alpha Delta Phi, Zeta, and Alpha Phi. Thank you for addressing the age issue. I agree my daughter does take a lot of my time but I am able to manage my time well. Also I never once said I expect anyone to cut me any slack. I would hope to be treated the same as anyone else mother or not. REE-XI I never said being older makes someone wiser I was stating that I am pretty mature and I understand there are advisors to inspire and teach the younger girls but being older means I have more experiences that I could share. As far as whom I am as a person offline or online I am me end of story and me is perfect just the way I am. If somebody doesn’t like it I think it’s their problem not mine. I don’t want to be affiliated with a date or a job or in this case sororities that don’t want me for me. Please Please tell me how I handle myself online????? Because the way I see it all I’ve done is ask for help to start something that could be a good thing. All I’ve done is be upfront and honest. All I’ve done is explain myself over and over again which I shouldn’t even have to do. A person shouldn’t be attacked and have people be rude to them when they ask for help. Yes I did come off a little defensive but when I feel disrespected and judged when all I am doing is asking for help yeah I am going to go on the defense a little bit. Furthermore, I am not fighting with anyone if someone wants to turn it into a fight as some have seemed to try and do I have no desire to even go there because I am more mature than that. However, I do have a right to respond and speak my mind. Oh Dubaisis I was so overjoyed to get to your post what a delight you are. Rush did fail for me so what I have moved on to greater and better things and am trying to start my own thing which is the whole reason I asked for help. I did not ask for help to get pettiness unsolicited judgments. You speak about mean girls and being bitter A. my friend I think you are a mean girl maybe you should watch the movie. B. No ones bitter at least not on my end. I never said I had anything under control obviously you turned this post into something ugly when it did not have to be. I never claimed that anything I start would be better or equivalent to anything already existing. I just wanted to create something for all of the women who feel discriminated against regardless of the reason. As far as appeal to other women I didn’t know you were an expert in sororities for moms good to know and good for you.
At the end of the day I just came on here seeking advice I am not trying to fight with anyone I respect everyone’s opinions as I wish mine would be respected. |
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Ow. My eyes hurt.
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