No problem -- I agree with you. :)

I just don't think that party behavior by chapter actives -- or among potential pledge sisters -- is possible for a PNM to evaluate during rush.

A BIG part of college, like it or not is heavy duty drinking, probable drug use (hopefully mild and limited), and sexual exploration. She's seeing it more in the house than on her dorm floor because she's spending more time with her sorority sisters. But I can assure you that there is no corner of Bama, or any other school (besides maybe Liberty and Bob Jones) that aren't dealing with all of this.

This is the time for her to learn how to deal with people who are different from her, and who make bad decisions, and where it is none of her business. If she gets harassed or bullied about participating in dangerous or unladylike behavior, then she needs to do something about it. Otherwise, she should focus on finding her right fit within the sorority. This isn't a chapter of 50 girls. It's not even a pledge class of 50. She can find girls who don't want to drink or whatever else she's finding offensive. But suggest she keep it to herself or she will risk alienating herself from girls who are less judgy.

The OP’s impression is actually not unreasonable – it is understandable, even according to the advice given on this message board:

PNMs are told to hide evidence that they drink and party -- to clean up their fb and other social media, and not discuss booze, boys, etc.

Girls participating in deferred recruitment are advised to be cautious regarding their campus behavior. It seems that the sororities themselves are not very “open minded” about heavy drinking, drug use, and sleeping around among PNMs on the front side of recruitment. Sororities absolutely are “judgy” about not-so-classy behavior among PNMs.

In-state girls are more likely to have a known reputation (for better or for worse), since girls from their high schools are likely to be scattered among the chapters. Typically less is known in the reputation department about OOS girls.

Here is some of the advice stickied on this forum:

And this advice is given all while girls are told to be “themselves” during recruitment. :rolleyes:

So unless someone can explain why there is little open-mindedness regarding this behavior before bid day, but plenty of open-mindedness from that point forward, then Bamajama’s confusion is understandable.

I think she just inadvertently pointed out the double standard that we all know exists.

I don't know about anyone else, but peer pressure as you might experience it in HS is pretty absent in college. From my experience, the usual response, if you're not judgemental about it and just straightforward, to "I don't drink/smoke pot/sleep around" is "cool, more for me." So I wouldn't worry that your daughter is going to turn into Lindsay Lohan II.

As far as girls being rude, they are new and feeling their oats, especially if they pledged what is seen as one of the more prestigious groups. They will get knocked off their self-imposed pedestals in a hurry once a guy they like rejects them in favor of some hot emo-girl GDI. :)

Seriously, this is so common in the first months of college life it's not even worth a thread. It just shows that glowing recs and a glowing high school record don't tell everything.

lol, so you are saying that girls who pledge "one of the more prestigious groups" are more likely to be rude and behave badly?

And you base this statement on ... what?

lol. Just lol.

No, I'm saying they're more likely to be a little prouder of themselves in the beginning stages. If that wasn't the case, there wouldn't be "tiers" and terms like "old row". The OP who you are so vociferously defending is the one who mentioned the girls being rude, I didn't pull it out of my ass. Go back and reread the post.

And I base what I said on...pretty much what everyone else would base it on...seeing it happen at their OWN school. "We all know that people are the same wherever you go."

I think you are stereotyping and making faulty assumptions about girls in chapters you know nothing about, on a campus where you have no experience.

If a poster here did the same regarding chapters that are less well-established, it would be tantamount to throwing a grenade in a henhouse.

Just sayin'. :rolleyes:

Good God woman, lay off the bath salts.

I am saying I've witnessed this happen to girls in chapters at MY SCHOOL, as probably everyone else has. It's a universal experience, like dreaming you haven't studied for finals. Girls who get [insert very desired thing here] are snobby and bitchy for a bit. Then they calm down.

It was meant to be a joke and alleviate a mother's worry. If you really need that spelled out to you, you might want to go to a Labor Day sale and inquire as to which department the "senses of humor" and "reading comprehension" are in.

/swerve

Taking orders for the upcoming book: 33girl Tells All About Life. Subtitle: Read This, You'll Save Yourself a LOT of Trouble.

I know I'm gonna make tons of $$$$$.

Or, I could sell microfiber wipes for computer screens that are covered in (insert liquid here) spit as we read your pithy, astute, funny as hell posts.

/end swerve *and I don't give a flying f if I put the slash marks in the wrong places.*

stealing this.

as long as you don't call it a back slash when it's a forward slash. I heard this one on GMA again this morning. Makes me CRAZY. Only forward slashes are ever used in anything to do with the interwebs. Better yet, just go ahead and call them slashes. Everyone will understand.

/climbs off high horse with a FORWARD slash.

Really? Wasn't my experience on the campus in question.



Oh I see. My apologies for being so dumb. I didn't realize you were attempting to "alleviate a mother's worry."

I guess the joke was somehow lost when you did attempt to 'spell it out.' :rolleyes:

Your omniscience on matters relating to what new members think -- in chapters you were not a member of -- at schools you did not attend -- is just remarkable. :)

Okay folks, calm down or I'll have to close it. No attacks.

It's weird that almost all of the threads (maybe all of them) that HartofSec replies in get closed. :confused:

To the OP: I was surprised at the variety of women in each chapter on my campus. There were the hard core party girls and the "stay a virgin until I get married" girls on the straight and narrow. I was somewhere in between, but did not (and still do not) drink & party. I definitely had sisters that embarrassed me and probably embarrassed the name "Delta Gamma" -- but it is part of college (and there were also girls on my campus who gave the other chapters questionable reputations as well), like many have said. As long as they were staying legal and safe and it did not go against our bylaws (drinking at certain functions, hazing, drinking in letters, etc.), then there isn't much I could do.

I did find girls in my chapter that were more like me...and now that all of my pledge sisters are 30 years old, we've mostly calmed down, gotten married, and started little families. AND we enjoy our sisterhood more than ever.

One other thing I thing the OP is experiencing. She has just emerged from recruitment (er, her daughter did) and after hearing all summer about how competitive it is, how difficult cuts are, how selective the old row groups are, etc. she and the daughter are surprised to find that 'wild" girls actually get bids in those houses.

And don't flame me for using the term 'wild, girls. I don't mean that in a judgemental way. :)