I've been helping my daughter make recommendation contacts for recruitment next year. Many sororities' rec. and legacy intro. forms are publicly available on their websites, so a PNM can see what specific info. rec writers might need. Tri-Delt's is not public, but Kappa's and Theta's both have prominent policy messages on the form, such as "Alumnae and other collegians may not make contact with the chapter during recruitment", "You may not send food or gifts of any kind to the chapter", etc. Sounds like they have had some experience with alumnae like your Grandma! Maybe Tri-Delta's form has a similar message, and that could help with Grandma.

Thanks everyone for the advice! Well maybe I will just explain to her that it is really weird, but the surprise sounded good as well. My friend was telling me about Tufts rush, and although I don't remember the specifics, it sounded really strange.

Also, if tri-delt isn't required to give a bid on pref then maybe my sister lied about prefing the other house. With all of the pressure, I wouldn't blame her for doing so. I would feel embarrassed too. I was honestly quite surprised she didn't pref them. So maybe there is my explanation.

Oh and should I have my grandma fill out the legacy intro form even though I'm not a legacy through her? Tri-delta only considers daughters and sisters legacies, not granddaughters. I'm definitely having my mom fill out one, but I wasn't too sure about my grandma. I don't think she filled out one for my sister. She may have just written a letter and called 5 million times.

Probably not since granddaughters don't count for legacy status, but she can do a rec for you.

I am not quite sure what you mean about your sister lying, but work with me a minute. On most campuses, a pnm may be able to attend up to 3 pref. parties. After the parties, she places the sororities in order as she would prefer to receive an invitation to join(bid). She will only receive one bid, so she will never know where she was on the other sororities bid lists. She will be somewhere on each groups(where she attended prefs.) bid list if they comply with NPC resolutions.If your sister attended prefs. at her sorority-let's call it "ABC", and at Tri Delta and maybe a third sorority, and she placed ABC first on her list and she was on their first bid list, or at least far enough on ABC's list before they reached quota to get a bid, that is how she wound up in ABC.

I believe she mant that her sister said she ranked:
1. ABC
2. DDD
3. EFG

However, she may have ranked:
1. DDD
2. ABC
3. EFH

and didn't get a bid from DDD. She was embarrassed because she didn't get crazy enthusiastic Grandma's sorority and lied about getting her first choice.

Yeah that is what I meant! Based on what I have read on this thread. DDD seems less enthusiastic about legacies than most sororities. But leading my sister on all the way to pref day and then not putting her on top of their bid list seems a little harsh (as a legacy). So maybe she was telling the truth.

I cannot speak for Delta Delta Delta, of course. HOWEVER - from my perspective I would hesitate to say that Tri Delta is less enthusiastic about their legacies than other sororities. Many sororities are dealing with the (wonderful) dilemma of having TONS of legacies going through recruitment. Back in the day you didn't have that many legacies, you had far fewer potential new members, and it was possible to bid every qualified legacy. I would be very surprised if my NPC cousins did not give legacies every consideration.

Along this same line of thinking, has DDD never considered granddaughters to be legacies? I guess I assumed that granddaughters were considered legacies at all NPC sororities. Maybe they're so overwhelmed with daughters and sisters, they had to draw a line? Seriously. When I went through recruitment, the bid lists showed an asterisk by each new member who was a legacy to the chapter she joined. DDD was one of 3 sororities on campus that only had a handful of new members who were not legacies.

I don't know if they never have. My mom just said they don't. I thought it was weird too because my sister's sorority considers great-granddaughters to be legacies. And some even consider Aunts. My sister was saying that her particular sorority has very strict rules about legacies and depending on the situation sometimes they are even forced (idk what she meant by this she tends to over exaggerate) to give some PNMs bids, if they meet grade requirements. She didn't tell me specifics as she wasn't allowed, so I don't know what the requirements are to be guaranteed a bid (maybe great-great-grandma was a founder or something). But anyways she stated that some chapters weren't like that at all and may not even give bids to the quintuple, 5th generation, in-house, legacy.

You know, I think it might be best to inquire of all the GLO's involved - sister's, grandmothers's - what their policy is with regard to legacies. And the best way to do that is their HQ via their web sites. Most post such information or at the least the contact information for the person who can tell you. Why not do that and get the final word on all this????

Like!

It seems like you're getting a lot of conflicting, or at least confusing information from your family members; just go to the source. Alumnae (and alumni) are not infallible, and if they aren't positioned advisors for a chapter currently, they may have absolutely no idea. I hear a lot of alumni I work with say, "Back when I was in school the policy was..." when in fact the policy was never that.

So you are saying that I should contact the chapter directly?

No (unless you really don't want a bid). Contact the national headquarters directly.

Also, these things are going to vary WIDELY from school to school. At Tiny Northern U, there may be so few second-generation Greeks going through rush that anyone with any familial tie is considered a "legacy" (even if that's not a written national policy). At Bigass Southern U, a girl whose mom, grandma and 5 sisters aren't from THAT CHAPTER may have a problem getting the second look that a legacy would usually get -even if they are considered legacies through a written national policy.

As far as DDD, I don't think it's a matter of "enthusiasm," rather they had a smart person who did the math a long time ago and realized that if they extended legacy status too far through the family, they would be up the creek eventually.

Thank you! This pretty explained my concerns. A girl I talked to at my future school who is a sorority didn't even know it was usual for legacies to go through recruitment. My future school isn't that small either. I think about 600 girls go through recruitment. I don't even know why I expressed these concerns. I know I just have to wait and see what happens. But that is hard for a PNM with so much "legacy stress". So thank you all for being so understanding.

So, I just found out that my great-great-grandmother was a tri-delt too. And she was married during recruitment. Idk why I never knew this. I didn't even know her name. Wow, that makes me like 5th generation? But she was through another lineage...