It's been three years. You should be sure enough to make the commitment by now.

IMHO pinning is a fraternity tradition and is only meaningful in that context.

An engagement ring is a totally different story.

Seriously, y'all -- you know nothing about this guy and his relationship with his GF. Enough with the marriage crap.

But she's Greek. He wants to make a special promise to her that's short of an engagement, and he wants to do this because he knows that it would mean a lot to her as a Greek. I think to say that an independent can't do so, that he needs to barrel straight on into asking her to marry him while Alan Alpha Alumnus could just pin her, is absolutely ridiculous.

This is really what it's about for me. It is something that she has always wished could happen, and I know that it will mean a lot to her if I can do it for her. This is about telling her, in her language, that I love her and am committed to her. And, I really like the symbolism of the pinning ritual, telling her that she comes first.

Thanks again to everyone for contributing, I really appreciate the opportunity to hear your perspectives! This post was about finding out whether this was appropriate, and so I value the comments from people that don't think it's appropriate, too.

On my campus, there was a tradition where a non-Greek man could "pearl" his girlfriend. Maybe yours has something similar?

Not that I really need to justify this, but here's our line of thought: neither of us want a super long engagement (more than a year), and immediately after graduation she is starting a 3 year graduate program. I can't afford a ring and a wedding right now, so we're going to wait a little longer to make that leap, mostly for logistical reasons. I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with waiting longer than 3 years.

That said, thanks for your opinions on the pinning question!

I did bring this up in my message to the chapter president, but I'm not entirely clear what this is. Can you elaborate?

Thanks!

Generally, it was a pearl on a chain. It was considered the equivalent of a fraternity lavalier.

It's discussed more here, so it looks like it is not something specific to my campus.

This is not specifically at you, but I've never understood why people won't get engaged until a certain time because they don't want a "long engagement". If you're planning on staying together, what difference does it make if you're in a "committed dating" or "engaged" relationship status (besides a ring and a Facebook status :p). I get the wanting to save up for a superfabulous ring, but beyond that I don't get it.


I guess the opposite is true, though...if you know you're not going to be able to get married for awhile, why get engaged. In the end, to each his own, but I'd rather have the ring (well, the officially announced intention, the ring actually truly is meaningless without the intention) now than later.

A couple can be committed to one another without plans for marriage. You can be unsure about marriage without being unsure about your relationship. In this case, the OP and his girlfriend are still in school. Maybe they don't yet know what they will want their relationship to look like post-college.

I totally get that, it was more the sentiment that they know they want to get married but he doesn't want to "put a ring on it" because they don't want to be engaged more than a year. Again, I'm not just discussing the OP - I know other people like this.

Yeah, but I bet you'd have to explain yourselves over and over and over again. Everyone asks about wedding plans. It would get old in a quick minute, and I could see why people would want to avoid that.

I heard back from the chapter president today, who said she'd love to work with me on something. It looks like this is happening! We'll see what we can put together, and I'll let you guys know how it goes, if you're interested. Thanks again for all of the advice -- you have been a big help!

Yes, we are interested!

Awesome! I bet it will be a really special event for her. What a great boyfriend you are for doing this for her. :)