I'd say alum chapter. I had to make that same decision and alum chapters are good ways to meet potential friends in new cities.

As far as "different places:" I spent Sunday with one of my best friends from college (non-Greek). I didn't realize how far apart we've grown--different places career-wise, socially, and how we spend our time. I also got to meet one of her good friends from graduate school, and they're just much more appropriate for each other. These things happen, and I guess it's how we deal with it that matters. I wouldn't specifically defriend her or cut her off, but I expect that we'll grow apart as our lives change even more.

There are sorority sisters or old HS friends that I have ZERO in common with anymore, but I would never go so far as to defriend them. To me, it's unnecessarily hurtful. However, some people like to keep their FB really minimal - i.e. they only want to be friends with the people on there that they talk with all the time. If that's the case, they need to explain it that way and not accept FRs from "marginal" friends to begin with.

Oh, I totally agree with you. I'd never de-friend her, either in FB or real life, but I imagine that as we get older (and drift even further apart) there won't be a specific falling-out. I could, however, see her do something like that because my tastes aren't sufficiently "highbrow."

^^^Yes!

As for me, if your situation was mine, I probably would go the alumnae chapter route only or at least until your children are older and more independent. Your family is young and requires a high level of time commitment. You dont want to stretch yourself too thin with demands and add unnecessary stress.

I'd say alumnae route until the kids are older and then step in to the volunteer level. There are bound to be things you can do on the alumnae level that won't take up too much time or away from the kids.