My two cents...a thank you note takes about 2 seconds to write, a few cents to mail, and down here at least, it's expected. I was brought up to show my appreciation for gifts or favors such as recs, and that it is rude to not take the couple of minutes it takes to write and send one. And in my experience, I'm hardly in the minority there.

As the OP said, it shouldn't be a rec-no rec factor, but it's just the polite thing to do...and she's right about it serving as a reminder. It can sometimes be both polite AND useful. My mother told me that my thank you note to one woman actually got me another rec, because she'd forgotten to send it over the summer since she was so busy.

While the OP could have chosen a better title for her thread, the message within is a good one. I did not find it snippy at all, although admittedly I have been on the receiving end of the "I am rushing NEXT WEEK at Bama and I need a rec written today" request that was not followed up with any kind of thanks, written or otherwise.

With my schedule I very rarely write a rec the day that I get the packet. In fact, about a week later is typical for me unless we are up against the deadline. When a PNM takes the time to send a hand written note, it reflects very positively on her. This in turn does affect the time and care that I take to write that rec. Admittedly I do put a little more effort and work into those PNMs that demonstrate good manners.

I'm originally from (nearly) as far North as you can go, and I sent a thank you note to every person who wrote me a rec about a week after giving them my packet.

I've also tended to put more effort into the letters I've written for women who've sent me thank you notes, not because I appreciate it (which I do) but because I really want a woman with such good social graces in my sorority.

I've also sent a thank you to every interview, but that's a case of (a) wanting to be polite and (b) wanting the job.

I also don't think this was passive aggressive, but that's just me.

The thread title is flat out wrong.

Anything from"How to appease the old people you're asking to write letters for you," to "Hey it's just polite, stupid."

But it does jack shit to increase one's odds and THAT is what comes off as passive aggressive in this thread.

The title was worded wrong, but I agree with KD4Me.
A little thank you note goes a long way! Act like you got some home training!

Bad title for this thread, I've already said that (I think). What was in my head at the moment was that some PNMs come here and ask questions about what they should wear to a party three months from now, so I thought I would offer advice that would be helpful to them right now.

I do think that someone who takes time to write a letter saying that a PNM would be a worthy member of her sorority deserve note of thanks. Will not sending it hurt your chances? Unlikely. Will sending it result in a more favorable impression on the alumna, resulting in a stronger reference? Possibly. So when PNMs are posting pictures of shoes, asking us which ones we prefer with which dress for a party that won't occur for months, I offer a suggestion of something that they can do NOW that might help them, and that certainly is a good practice for life.

Lane-swerving here, but I think there's something about this that applies to all favors. Whether it's small or large, a thank-you note is a quick and simple gesture that should always be done.

I'm from the west, and even here, thank-you notes are a nice gesture. It's just that only few people do them. Yet, they definitely are a plus.

Now I'm kind of disappointed I didn't quote you for posterity.

But in reality, the controversial part of this WAS the title. It comes off not as a good bit of advice or even a bit of venting about rudeness but as really passive aggressive because it is soooo utterly unrelated to the title you gave it. Thus suggesting you'd sink someone's recruitment for failing to thank you properly OR suggesting that you'd guarantee someone's recruitment for the right note. Neither of these is really within your ability so it comes off poorly.

And despite my strong dislike for dress the PNM threads, you're still coming off rather patronizing with your "good practice for life" lines, in my opinion.

North, South, East, or West, you should always do your best to thank the people who help you improve yourself, or have gone out of their way for you.

Which makes you a better person, which makes you a more positive, interesting PNM, which helps your chances with recruitment.

Oh come on. That is a ridiculous stretch.

I'm from the North, ok, now the Middle East, and I think thank you notes are a sadly forgotten art. But the part that jumped out at me is the PNM sent in the packet without a cover letter, which to a certain extent would have served as a thank you. "Here's my stuff. Please send it to the AB sorority at Big State U. Thank you so much for doing this for me." This is also a good life lesson that is missed on so many job applicants. You HAVE to have a cover letter, and it HAS to be specific to the job at hand, or rec request in this case.

Thank you notes are not a regional thing. They are a manners thing. I will chalk thank you notes up there with a man helping a women on with her coat, a gentleman opening up the car door and pulling out a ladies chair. A lot of these gestures are a forgotten art. You can never have enough manners IMHO.

I totally agree with KD4me.

Exactly.

Plus stationery is cute and fun and girly to buy. :)