That's the thing -- these are business cards, not calling cards. Miss Manners weeps that people don't know the difference anymore. And calling cards traditionally don't have contact information on them, just names -- though I can see how times could change on this one.

I'll admit it -- I'm laughing at them, and shaking my head at them. Anyone finding their identity in being someone's Mom (or Dad) is sad.

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A co-worker came by my office a few weeks ago. A friend of his had "inherited" a jar that was full of business and calling cards. For whatever reason, they were going through it and found my grandparent's calling card, which would have had to have been left at least 50 years ago. He btrought me the card. Kind of cool, and also kind of wierd that someone left those cards in a jar for 50 years.

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The thing is, I don't think the intention is for someone to find their entire identity in being someone's parent. At least, not any more than my entire identity is tied to my company when I use my business card.

^^^ I can understand that to an extent. I think people are mentally associating the Mommy Brigade with those cards, that is, we already know the annoying mom's who would get them.

On another note, though, when I am working on behalf of an organization, I need for my identity to be tied to that company. It has affected my ability to do business when people find out I'm also an author. (Sometimes.)

My counterpoint would be that when moms and dads are networking with other parents, it's helpful for their identity to be tied to their kids, because the likelihood that another parent is going to remember YOUR name rather than your kid's name is slim. Just because their identity is tied doesn't mean that's their entire identity.

I'm sure the mommy brigade is going nuts over these, but I can also see working parents finding them useful so that they're not that asshole parent flaunting their job all over the place by handing out business cards as contact information.

Like.. my daughter's friends all call me Mrs. Shannon's Mom. That is my official name with them. It cracks me up :) I wouldn't have cards made up with that on them.

While I certainly can't speak for all who use "mommy cards", I can tell you that I have personal cards with my sons' names on them for the many parents I need to exchange information with who may well not know me aside from my role as my son's mother. For the situations in which I use them they are invaluable. They do NOT, however, say "Sons' Mommy" - just their names and then mine. I hate having a parent's business card and having to try and figure out whose parent this is - especially in this day and age when so many children have a different last name than their mothers. I also hate digging through my purse to find a pen and something on which to write - the cards have my name, cell phone number and e-mail. Problem solved.

I don't think that cards for personal use is a big deal. When I was living near Boston, several of my friends had them. Vistaprint is a great place to get cards.

Calling cards - for social reasons - have been around for ages. It was common during Victorian times to leave you calling card for someone when visiting someone. If I'm not mistaken, this practice was practiced up until the turn of the 20th century (1900).

I guess I remember reading about it in books - maybe in "Little Women"?

Lastly, Danny Ocean in "Oceans Eleven" left a calling card, with just his name on it.

But, people can understand someone's career being their "entire identity" but not their family life (which should have a stronger and more time consuming hold on their life) being their "entire identity."

It is also no coincidence that women are the brunt of the joke more often than men.

Exactly, hence my Elsa Maxwell reference. (Google it, kids)

Wouldn't it be a better idea to get a card that simply has your name and #s on it - that idea's been pushed for years by stationery companies - and depending on who you give it to, they can write a note on it as to who you are? That way one card works for Aiden's Mom, Possible New Account Executive, and Chick With Major League Yabbos I Met At Applebee's.

Not being a mom, I guess this is a dumb question. Is it getting to the point where kids' parents have no idea who they're playing with/socializing with any more? Maybe that's a raised in a small town thing, but I guess I just don't get who you need to give these to.

I agree. Also, so many kids don't have the same last name as their moms, with blended families and mothers who didn't change their names upon marriage, or mothers who use their maiden name professionally and their married name personally (which would negate passing out a business card). A friend's parent/coach/teacher might not know "Jane Smith" as "Tommy Miller's mom," a card with "Jane Miller" would be good for people whose sole connection to the person is through the kid.

Yikes. Judgemental much? It doesn't necessarily have to be someone's whole identity. But I don't think that's what this is about. I saw it more as a compartmentalizing thing so your kid's social activities don't take over your life. If anything, I could see myself using these because my kid's friend's mom doesn't need to know my work e-mail, but might want to have my personal e-mail address.

Not at all.

Considering how we mock and decry "helicopter parenting" he's exactly on the right track. Pride in your child, pride in parenting, all that good stuff is completely separate from basing your own identity on your child. The latter is the genesis for helicopter parenting - the cognitive dissonance loop that begins with "My child's successes/failures are my own" and ends with "My baby couldn't be _____________."

These cards have a time and place - I'd hope they'll be used by people with agzg's line of thinking, but I wouldn't be surprised if they're not. As a "compartmentalization" I find it ... lacking, in that you usually don't compartmentalize by drawing attention and giving yourself the easy ability to integrate it into other, unrelated areas.

As always, you've summed it up better than I could have. I agree with both you and MC.

I think there's a difference between this and "helicopter parenting," the latter I clearly detest. Whether we like it or not, when one becomes a parent, some aspect of their identity is wrapped up into being a parent. That doesn't mean that your whole life revolves around your kid--it's just that you can't disassociate it.

Again, this doesn't bother me so much because I can't imagine handing a kid's coach my work business card. It wouldn't say "Mommy," but it would be a personal card. I see it as a way of setting boundaries between personal life and professional life.

You're making a non-functional distinction here - "can't dissociate" is "your identity is your kids" and the shades of gray you're trying to draw really only obfuscate that main point.

I agree in principal and in general, but the difference you're drawing here IS the functional difference. Personal cards have been around forever. This is a change to the personal card, one that appears rooted in the kinds of wrong-headed thinking that lead to more pernicious elements of helicopter parenting.

Buy personal cards. Not "Mommy Cards."