Really? You think your daughter is special in this regard? I'm only a few years older than she is. Even a few years ago, when something was really truly important to me, I was the one to research it. Not my mommy. Somehow I managed to get into a sorority without her doing my footwork. Shocking, I know.

If you're so unhappy about the replies you've received here, why don't you go back to cc and fwap around with the rest of your kind. We're grownups here. We even spell out big words like d-a-u-g-h-t-e-r.

The reason it's a problem that you came on to ask the question is it speaks right TO your question. Your daughter isn't comfortable in new situations and she has you handle things that makes her feel awkward. This would have been an EXCELLENT lesson in communication for her. And in fact, it's not too late. Since the user names are anonymous, SHE could sign up and ask the questions herself and none of us would know the difference.

But in the meantime, I'd be making her do a lot more stuff independently. When your family goes out to dinner, make HER make the reservations. This is a retardedly simple one, but I was astounded to meet college women who couldn't even order a pizza delivery. Make HER do all the arranging for her rush prep. She feels awkward calling your friends to ask for a rec? TOUGH. That's a perfect life lesson for this situation. Sending out inquiring emails is the easiest, then phones, then face to face. If she needs to start from square one, I'd be getting on that right now because she has a lot of ground to cover in 1 year.

And please, if you've read through many threads here, you have read a lot of psycho-Mom rants. Long time posters here may just have leapt to a conclusion. If you have your daughter's best interests at heart, start focusing on her independence now. It will pay off in a year when she's happily wearing her new sorority letters.

Good luck!

For all of you that were kind and willing to share positive advice, I greatly appreciate it. For those who feel I am being a heli-parent (which I guess is a lingo term for helicopter parent), that I am certainly not. Our family dynamic is much different than most, and my daughter's life is certainly not average, normal or even "easy" as some have made it out to be. My daughter is a kid who's mom has cancer. A sucky life I suspect although she would never let me know that. After her 12+ hours at school, she gets the pleasure of coming home to a Dad and her two younger siblings and doing what ever her Dad needs her to do. Typically giving her 7 year old sisters a bath, doing what little homework they may have (just 2nd graders) and talking to them about their day. We end the day with a conference call with a Mom that simply can't be their physically, yet craves so much to be a part of every single part of their lives. At that point she goes and does what normal kids her age do and completes her homework. She gets up early in the morning, goes to the gym, comes back to the house, her Dad leaves for work, she takes over with her sister's care, drives them to school and then goes to school herself. So I apologize if looking for a little bit of advice for my daughter was a crime on this board. It is really all I get to do all day. Read about this, read about that, try to find something to talk to my daughter about that does not involve cancer, chemo cocktails and missing hair. I have lived on the 7th floor of this hospital for over 4 months and I see no light at the end of this tunnel. I see my children twice a week at best (I am almost an three hours away) and my husband three times a week only because he comes to this city for business. He of course is under tremendous pressure to keep a job that holds the insurance that keeps me here. And when he is not doing that, he is doing my job. And all I do is sit and stew like the cancer filled person I am.

So really, I am just a mom, who wants to be normal with my daughter. My daughter who understands that research and paying bills and ordering stuff online is all I get to do anymore (okay I do get to visit radiology ever other day or so...so I do "get out"). So again, I certainly apologize for stepping on toes here. I have encouraged my daughter to post here, and maybe she will do just that. But of course for me, it will be my last post as I see I have no place here. So for all of you who judge, criticize and play a bit snarky, just remember this could be you some day and my prayer for you is that when you seek out kindness that you actually receive it. When you pass the lady in the grocery store who you tisk tisk for looking a hot mess, remember, she might have been told she had cancer yesterday, she may have lost a child, she may have lost a husband, etc. Not everyone has a picture perfect life. But for the ones that do, please cherish them because they are rare and every life is beautiful.

I'm truly sorry for what you are going through, but it has nothing to do with what was discussed on this board. I'm sure it is a horrible experience for all involved, but throwing it back at everyone here in an attempt to make people feel bad isn't appropriate and seems petty. Let me be clear, what you are going through by no means is petty, but using it to try to shame others is.

You have openly said that your daughter has some communication issues. By posting here for her and doing research she should be doing, you are only enabling those issues instead of encouraging her to communicate herself.

I'm restraining myself, lest I get too emotional and let loose all over the place.

OP, your daughter should be doing research herself, and yes, that involves asking YOU questions about greek life. Times may have changed since you were in school but stories about the "good old" days can be super valuable especially when taken with a grain of salt.

Also, there are many many members of the board who have been through similar situations as you and your daughter. So when YOU post on a message board assuming that everything's just hunky dorey in our lives, remember, someone here might have lost her mother/father/brother to cancer or another illness or suddenly or whatever recently.

WTF? Is Lifetime doing a movie about GC? I want Tiffani Thiessan to play me.

This is not about throwing it back and shame. Why would you ever think that? That is not who I am. I simply was addressing the critics out there who think that I am trying to micro manage my child's life. Dear God, if only I could. I hold no anger or irritation toward anyone. I know life is way too short for that. Just trying to make people realize that life is not black and white and maybe kindness should not be so hard to come by. Like I said, I made a mistake by coming here. I have apologized, yet the digs continue. I simply do not understand that kind of behavior. Again..thanks to all who have been helpful and kind. It is appreciated.

I thought you weren't going to post anymore?

The point is that your daughter should be using you as a resource in her own research, rather than using you to do her research. I understand that it's hard to talk about things that aren't related to cancer/terminal illness when you're right in the thick of things, and reading GC and talking about it is fine - she should just be asking questions on her own, which will help her communication skills. To be honest, I think parents SHOULD read GC or similar sites (it's the posting on them I'm kinda iffy on) so at least they know as well as their kid what's going to be happening - recruitment is a heady time for everyone.

I also understand why you're preparing so far in advance.

My other point is that OUR lives are not black and white, either. And yes, I do see it as a "throwing it in our faces" type of deal - an "I'm going to make them so sorry they reacted this way" because that's how your post READS. I simply do not understand THAT kind of behavior.

Again, LOTS of us have been through similar types of situations. Some of us in high school, some of us in college, some of us as young adults, some of us as grown-ups, and all ends of the spectrum. I for one find it offensive that your assumption would be that none of us have dealt with that (and I'm pulling that from your comment about the lady in the grocery store).

I'm not trivializing your illness, or your daughter's situation, or anything. Dealing with this type of stuff is tough (at any age). Please, feel free to continue to read the forums, but let your daughter do the question asking for herself so that she can hone those communications skills. I assure you, GC still exists on the weekends, and one does not need to wait by the computer with baited breath for answers to their questions.

If you're truly grasping at straws as to what to do with your time (for what it's worth, my mom flew through 7 or 8 crossword and other puzzle books while she was in her appointments - that stuff is boring as hell), try researching something that you're interested in. Just because you're ill doesn't mean you don't have your own interests.

I feel that agzg said it best. In the same breath you talk about not judging others and their situations without knowing, you do the same thing. You insinuated that your daughter is very busy and many of us (who just happen to post on GC meaning we must not have lives) have nothing going on in our lives. I do feel as though you attempted to use your illness as a means of gaining sympathy for your error in judgment and I have a hard time accepting that behavior.

As I said before, many of us have different life experiences. I've met people who look great on paper but, as soon as you meet them, you question how they made it through high school (let alone get into college). I wish your daughter the best of luck but, let her do this herself. She will learn from this experience. Right now, you are just enabling her to be dependent.

Why does it seem like any time anyone is given advice they don't like here, they throw back some take of great tragedy? It seems that Greekchat ought to come with a warning since it must be hazardous to the health of you and your family.

The OP thinks these are digs but you all are actually being a lot nicer and explanatory than you should be. :)

Personal opinion: There's still no need to be rude.

As I was proofing my post I was thinking "wow, this is totally als463 would post." I edited a lot of it out, but I still think it.

Totally not my posting style.

http://www.mediabistro.com/agencyspy...WELL_loRES.jpg