Wow, talking about a rock and a hard place! I like Titchou and BlueSkies' advice, but with a nasty twist: Gift wrap a small mascot or symbol of DEF and hand it to her for Christmas, with a "I thought you'd like this!"

I like Titchou's advice, too. However, I would also follow Benzgirl's advice and do a little investigating on my own. I wouldn't be able to resist. I'm sure someone from that sorority would be glad to make a call to HQ and check it out for you.

I'd seriously talk with her about the seriousness of her actions and tell her, "hey, fool, sooner or later, you'll expose yourself and when the members of DEF come knocking at your door to give you a beat down, don't come calling me."
Or I'd seriously tell her, if you don't stop this, I will call the nat'l headquarters and let them know of your behavior and claim to their sorority.

I know that I'm lane hopping and swerving, but if someone called the nat'l headquarters for a NPC sorority, and let them know that someone was perping as a member, would the sorority not send them a cease and decist(?) letter or face further consequences?

OK, perhaps there is a logical explanation for this and I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt. What if she did join but resigned for some reason? So, she says she wasn't Greek so that she doesn't have to explain it - I know people like that. But maybe this neighbor knows someone that was in school with the woman and doesn't know she resigned. Could be...so I wouldn't jump on her case without details but I would mention the discrepancy and see what she says.

Well, for sure she wasn't Greek, even AI, but I think I'll pm someone from that group to check their website so we can say that we reallyreally know for sure. This is so stupid! Her mom and her kids know she wasn't Greek and if someone mentions it to them, they're bound to blurt out the truth too. I figure since I've heard it several times, they probably will as well.

Seems like if someone decided to perp, they'd do it far from home and not in the town they grew up in.

That's what I was thinking too. If she self terminated or was terminated she might not have wanted to bring it up.

A member checked and D is definitely not a DEF. I doubt she ever was; she's too status-conscious to terminate and she wouldn't have done anything to get kicked out--you'd have to know her.

Here's something ironic that popped up this week. She has a chance to be AIed into another group that she has ties to. Haha! I'm sure she's dying to but then she'd have to figure a way to gloss over her earlier story to the women around here. ("Did I say I was a DEF? Oh, what was I thinking, I'm an ABC!")

This is the definition of POETIC JUSTICE.

Our's do!

I just looked, and ours don't, but that's a damn good idea I'll be suggesting.

I know for Kappa, we have to write our initiation date and undergrad chapter along with a the rec form. Our ID #s don't get used very often, and I only know mine because I use it to log in to the website.

However, how easy would it be for a membership chair to check that? Hmm...I guess it would be on the website, too. My chapter hardly ever got recs for PNMs because Greek life is so low-key there. I think we already knew the people (in person) who wrote the ones we've gotten. Weird.

carnation, is it possible that she pledged DEF, but did not actually initiate? Maybe that's why she partly thinks of herself as a DEF.

I don't know the situation nor all of the details, but looking at the posts that everyone has made so far & the information provided, there's been a lot of assumptions being made about how things appear. I also wonder if these other women who claim that D said that she was a DEF got the details confused? It's entirely possible - sometimes the recall of others is not 100% accurate.

If you want this woman to come clean, she will likely need to feel safe before she will speak her truth.

Just my $0.02. :)

PS You could also play dumb and ask her, "Do you think that you will AI into ABC? To do so, you cannot have initiated into any other NPC group. Did you initiate into any other NPC group during college?" and then see what she says. If she says no, ask her if she ever had any ties to DEF? And then see what she says. My point is, if you ask her anything where she might get defensive, you might not get the straight up answer.

good luck and let us know what happens, as I'm curious now - LOL.

Maybe she terminated her membership? I know two people (a friend's mother and a former sister of mine) who still say they are XYZs although they resigned their membership during college. They do not seem to understand that technically they are not in their sororities anymore. They seem to equate initiation with full membership.

But it sounds like you know her well enough to know she is making it up. I would definitely go the passive aggressive route...I like the suggestion of telling her that she has been hearing the funniest thing...that people have been saying she is an XYZ. That will probably send the message strongly but without being rude.

Our reference (rec) forms ask for the collegiate chapter and initiation date of the alumna submitting it. So you really can't submit a rec without having those things.

Wow.

DEF rec forms can only be gotten off their website's sister side, like ours, so she doesn't have a snowball's chance in H of writing a fake rec. I mean, who's going to print one off for her? I still think she could do quite a bit of damage, unintentionally, by offering to write a rec and then not following through; people do get desperate for recs during the summer. She probably doesn't know how damaging it could be for a PNM to take off for Auburn or Georgia thinking they have their DEF rec taken care of and it's not.

:( I'd love to take honeychile's suggestion about giving her a DEF gift but I'll probably have to go the passive aggressive route, as suggested by APhiAnna, or the one suggested by CutiePie2000 so as to save face for her and keep family peace. Ironically, she would make a great AI and probably throw herself into it 100%. But dang! Why is she embarrassing us all like this?