:( I hope you're doing okay.

My senior year in HS I was sitting in class & overheard 2 girls talking about "James" killing himself over the weekend. James & I had been in orchestra for 2 years together & were stand partners for the entire 2nd year. I regret it now, but I was not in orchestra the year before this all happened, so I hadn't talked to James in about a year and a half. Tons of things happened that day including me skipping a proficency test & visiting a friend at work whom had already heard the news.
One of the things that still weighs heavily on my mind is the regret that I never told James how much he meant to me. See, my freshman year in HS I had a horrible time adjusting & ended up with a serious bout of depression. James, who was a year older than me & so so so funny gave me a little something to look forward to each day. I suppose I had a little crush on him & would decide what to wear & how to do my hair based on how he'd like it. It sounds corny now, but he really helped me get better without ever knowing it. It pisses me off & makes me so sad that he helped me recover from the same thing that led him to commit suicide. One other side note- James was (is?) a member of the fraternity that is my sorority's next door neighbor. He was a freshman while I was a senior & only found out abou his frat last year. It makes me mad & sad that if things had been different I would see him very often at school & greek events. When his fraternity was doing their skit for greek week I had to fight back tears because I knew James would have been performing if he was still here. :(

As for coping, please give couseling a chance. Even if it's just to vent to a third party, give it a shot. I know it's cliche, but time will make you feel better. You'll never understand but eventually you will accept it. It's a long sucky process, but you'll get through it.
And even though we don't know each other well, if you ever want to chat you can PM or email me.
Heidi

It was really hard on me when I found out my friend Shannon killed himself. Luckily, we had an awesome group of friends to help.

I was going to school out of state and home for thanksgiving. To complicate matters, he wasn't just a friend, he was one of my best friends boyfriends.

We all met up at someone's house and for three days pretty much just talked about him a lot and really supported each other. If I didn't have them in the beginning, it would have been much worse.

You will have days that you are so angry you won't know what to do. That's ok. As long as you explore your emotions and accept that they will be changing for quite some time, you will be fine.

Talk about him when you feel you need to. Don't worry about "annoying" other people by bringing it up. ITs a tough spot, you need to have outlets (whether it is verbal or physical exercise or something different) to help you cope.

One day, you will wake up and it won't hurt as much. I know it sounds corny and you don't think so now, but it will happen.

The next hardest thing will be the year anniversary of their death. My suggestion is to make plans with someone who knew them so that if need be, you can "mourn" again.

I hope this helps and wish you strength and support.

Thanks to everyone for your advice and to those that have been talking to me through p.m's. It's just a really really hard time for me right now...just trying to get through it all...

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