Unfortunately this is exactly how I get a read on it too. I do not think they would ask that question to somebody they are seriously considering...it is more likely that they asked it as a joke because they were bored at rush and did not feel like you fit in. It's rude and immature, but I think you should understand what they meant by it.

In addition, the "you were on the line and people didn't get a chance to know you" could be a polite way of saying they weren't interested...nobody is going to say, "nobody in our chapter thought that you fit."

I would spend the time before next rush getting to know each of the chapters better so you have a solid idea of where you would fit, and not just where you "want" to think you fit. Sometimes I think that fraternity rushees are not honest with themselves about where they will actually fit in.

In addition, you mentioned talking about your accomplishments...I think this may have had something to do with it. From what I understand from brothers, cousins, friends, ex-boyfriends, etc. things like GPA and leadership positions do not ever come into play during rush for most fraternities. (I think the exception would probably be varsity sports). I think that most fraternities are much more interested in if your personality and interests match theirs. I'd try talking about things that are common interests among many fraternity guys...college football, cute celebrity girls, investing and the economy, Entourage, etc. If you talked mostly about accomplishments, you may have come off as pretentious, boring or "dorky".

Good luck! I think fraternity rush seems stressful...there is more rejection in sorority rush, but at least PNMs get to look at ALL chapters instead of just blindly choosing one or two to rush.

Not necessarily, but it is a possibility. Sometimes a chapter does feel like they don't know the person enough to say they like them enough to give a bid and more time with brothers can help. However since in most groups a bid requires a second vote for initiation the chapter is likely to give a bid to someone who is really on the line so they can see what they really think of him.


This is true - rush is about your personality, not your resume. I'm not saying its fair, but its true.

Hey everyone,

Thanks for your replies. Since the next rush is going to be in winter quarter, I'll be checking out other fraternities. I guess you were right, I wasn't being honest to myself. I wanted to fit into a fraternity that didn't think I fit in, but that's because I really liked their values and their atmosphere. Unfortunately, I didn't put my real personality forward so it sucks not getting into the chapter. (And my school is socially dead so it's a bit of a challenge to find stuff to do but I put in enough effort. Nope, we don't even have a greek row).

And I talked to that guy about that "go down on your mom" question and he said the reason he asked it is that he was asked it when he rushed, and the answer he was looking for was along the lines of "why the hell would I answer that question, I don't even know you."

I'll find a house that I'll fit into, but since my school has an extremely weak greek system, we only have one week and a lot of the houses schedule rush events at the same time. So at most for next quarter, I can rush two fraternities.

I don't know if I'll be rushing the house that didn't give me a bid again. A couple of the guys keep telling me to come out again, but I don't want to dedicate another part of rush week to a house that I don't belong to.

We will see. Thanks guys for your honesty.

Honestly, you need to remember that Rush might be one week, but Recruitment is year long. You should make efforts to try to try to get to know them now as well as before rush week starts next term.

I'll attempt to get over my :eek: at some of the questions and just comment on the "do I fit in" piece... Think of it in some aspects like a job interview, except more personal. Some employers like it when the candidate is bold and says "Why do you think I would be good for this role?" or "Why should I choose you?". Other employers are put off by that and would rather hear "what do you look for in X" or "this is how I can help you with Y". It's active listening, really. Sometimes it's better to leave the "I" out of it (for part of the time at least) and get more into the "you". You can show your interest that way.

If you want to come off as sincere, ask about the things that really do matter to you. Remember that it's a mutual selection process, so you're trying to find the right group for you as much as they are trying to find the right brother for them. Think about the reasons you want to join and frame questions around those topics. Try to get a feeling for the personality of the group, potential leadership opportunities, personality traits/qualities they look for, hobbies, interests, time commitment, community involvement, campus involvement, etc. You don't have to grill them, but when you walk away from the week you should have a sense of who they are, what they stand for, and how you might fit in.

Those are just my thoughts for the moment. And honestly, if a group asked me some of those questions I'd probably engage in some polite sarcastic banter and never come back. But to each his own.

Yes!

Ditto, ditto.