When I signed my bid card, I voted Eyeliner as number 1 and Blush as number 2. Obviously the second I walked away I regretted it and started thinking of all the reasons why I should have done it the other way around. I was pretty stressed out. I didn't know what I wanted. The Eyeliners were just so accepting. I had been at my lowest and they made me feel better. Isn't that what I wanted in a sister?

Fast forward to bid day..

We were sitting and everyone had their envelopes but we weren't allowed to open them yet. When I did, I saw that I was...






























































...an eyeliner! I had mixed emotions. Some of you might think this is the end of the story, but not yet, so I will wait to reveal the chapter.

aye yie yie! please continue.

To be fair, I don't think many on GC are rude initially. Once we've attempted to answer questions to the best of our ability and the OP has an attitude problem or won't listen to reason the snarkiness can come out. However, I do believe it's typical to be sad and even wistful about the chapters that release you that you liked.

I do hope you’re very happy at eyeliner and, whether you decide it’s for you or not, that you have/make friends on campus and become involved in some other way.

Agreed. Another reason, especially lately, that I think that GCers have been "rude" to PNMs is because they've kind of made it clear (whether they flat out said it, or not) that they think they're better than the group that offer them a bid.

^^^dying of suspense...

i was really not a fan of the OPs shallowness (the talk of "being recruited on looks" and "being really attractive") but these rush threads always suck me in, especially here:
so i'm ready to know who the Eyeliners are!

BTW, does anyone know what school it is? i feel like it would be pretty easy to figure out (in the NPC lane): 4 NPCs, seems like a non-competitive rush, junior transfer? if 617 is reference to an area code, perhaps a school in the Boston area?

Hey guys I'm really glad I got some responses about that because that is sort of where my story is going. For all main purposes, the story is over. I will start pledging eyeliner tomorrow. However, the emotions and feelings concerning recruitment, pledging, and eyeliner and blush in general, are definitely not gone, and I would like to work through it (hopefully with your help) so I can make the most out of my experience as an eyeliner.

I think I should have put blush first. It doesn't really matter now and who knows if it would have made a difference.

And I want to comment on something one of you said. Do I think I'm better than the girls? No. I think they are extremely nice and very accepting and that's why I put them as number one. Maybe deep down I feel that I am simply better looking. Should I apologize for feeling that way? Yeah, probably, and I am sorry for sounding like a snob. These emotions are all very recent and I don't think I can get past being catty without expressing what everyone else won't say. If you want to condemn me and say I don't deserve eyeliner, fine. I love the girls as people, and I WANT to stop thinking about everything else. Maybe for some of you it's easy and you can just erase those nagging thoughts, but I'm not as strong.

What other people think does matter to me. Maybe this will just take time. The more I grow to love eyeliner, the more everything else will fade away. I don't know. I do love greek life already, and I knew no matter which sorority I ended up in, I promised myself I would give pledging a chance and initiate if I wanted.

Another thought. (And yes this is all jumbled order, but I just want to get everything out). We had a great pledge class, but I know many will drop simply because eyeliner was their last choice. It really upset me to be at the bid day dinner, excited, but most people were pretty solemn. I know some bid day parties, people probably were crying they were so happy. It almost made me feel not even good enough.

I don't know really what I'm asking, because probably all the good advice you guys will give me, is the logical and rational explanations that I can already come up with myself. I think the emotions just need to subside and then it will be easier. Thanks for listening to my story, and please leave any comments, positive or constructive. I look forward to being the best eyeliner I can be

I'm sorry you feel this way and I suspect you will loathe my latest response. I will reveal my chapter and school in a bit, and I respectfully ask that you guess privately.

I'm going to be a nice person and not touch your other comments, but I highly suggest reading this thread:

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ghlight=choice

You're entitled to your feelings (everything is still very new) but at some point, you really do have to get over it and realize that you have 3 choices:

*Drop out of eyeliner.

*Stay in Eyeliner and be pissed everyday about it.

*Stay in Eyeliner and make the VERY best of it.

At the end of the day, you will only get as much out of your Eyeliner experience as you allow yourself to get out of it. Obviously, being mopy about being an Eyeliner isn't going to help.

As much as you may want to be a Mascara, Blush, whatever, the fact of the matter is-- you aren't one. It's up to you to decide how you want your experience to be from here.

Good luck.

I thought I made it pretty clear that I do want to stay in eyeliner and make the best of it, and I feel bad about the way I feel, but unlike others can't just erase the thoughts immediately. I understand that you will grow to love some sororities and instantly love others. Nothing I have posted in this thread differs from that. I think you misunderstand my feelings. I don't feel as if I'm being defensive, but you've suggested two options that I never wanted to do, and that's these two:

*Drop out of eyeliner.

*Stay in Eyeliner and be pissed everyday about it.

I am making the effort and I am going to work through this. That doesn't change the emotions I'm experiencing right now. People say there's a cookie cutter sorority, but I think pnms are stereotyped this way too.

Edit: I don't think you were being nice by saying you're not going to touch my comments. You obviously are looking down on the way I feel and that's not nice. I'm sorry I'm being honest.

Your feelings ARE normal.

You are probably not going to instantly feel at home with ANY chapter (even girls who get their top choice from day 1 don't feel that way).

I don't think anyone is saying that it is wrong to feel the way you feel, especially at this stage in the game.

Nothing is automatic and it all takes time.

Some advice: get involved and meet other sisters.

If you keep your positive attitude about Eyeliner, and get genuinely involved, your feelings likely will change.

you may be having a bit of "buyers remorse"-i do all the time! who knows-you might be questioning your decision had you chosen blush instead.

i think that it is very few new members who instantly truly feel at home and have no period of adjustment. heck, if your roommate is a stranger, there is a period of adjustment with her, and there certainly is a period of adjustment in a marriage.

the best way to feel comfortable with your new sisters and the girls in your pledge class, is to participate in every event possible with your chapter. join a committee within the chapter that interests you. walk home from your new member meetings with your pledge sisters. set a goal to learn something about a different sister every day.

I think I just need some time. I want to go in the right direction

p.s. i am in the midst of about 100 new friend requests and am definitely feeling the love