Just a note from a mother who has had a daughter go through recruitment this year: The sentence, which other posters have picked up on is crucial: Isn't this supposed to be what I want? You know, my daughter may have "wanted" a pony, but she got a puppy. Then she had a choice: love the puppy or not have a pet. She picked the puppy. Life is not always about what you want, it is about what you get and how you handle the gift that you have received.

I am sorry that you are disappointed.

Oh, for the record, my example about my daughter in no way reflected on her recruitment. In case her sisters are reading this she was fortunate enough to get HER pony. But I now know several girls who didn't get the pony and are really happy with their choices.

Chapters generally want every PNM to want them, regardless of how the active speaking to the PNM or the chapter feels about a particular PNM.

Some chapters have a greater number of skilled conversationalists than others.

We really don't know why you were cut, because we were not there. And even if we were there, membership selection is private and we wouldn't share it anyway.

Trying again with a chapter who cut you after round 1 seems like a long shot to me. Unless almost everyone on your campus had recs and you didn't.

Has anyone ever gone into recruitment more than once and come out with a different result the second (or third) time?

Your greek life office is the appropriate place to ask about the chapters that participate in open recruitment. They will tell you how to proceed.

Maybe the actives who recruited you did feel a connection with you, but every other active may have felt a connection with other PNMs too.

Every year during Workshop week I give the same speech to our actives and only the numbers change. This year: "There are about 150 of you and Quota will be 70-80. If each of you has a "Rush Crush" or a good friend or a relative going through, then half of you are going to be disappointed."

If your college is a more selective college, then the problem is that even though you have incredible grades, activities, and positions, it is likely that every other PNM has the same level of grades, activities and positions. You all did get into the same school.

For example, if you are at at school where a person with a 2.5 GPA can enter, then the grades are going to range from 2.5 all the way up to 4.3 women who got scholarships. But what if the acceptance rate is trickier? What if you essentially need a 3.7 to get in to your college? Your 3.85 is going to look considerably less impressive. Not only that but the chapters may not even care that much about grades, seeing as 95% of the PNMs are coming in with outstanding high school grades.

In my opinion, rush ANYWHERE at ANY SCHOOL boils down to conversation. Grades and activities do matter, but at the end of the day if you come off as abrasive, or shy, or boring or a spazz then they are going to release you in favor of somebody with the same grades and activities but who is outgoing, genuine, hilarious or classy.

If you plan to rush next year, I would work on conversation. Asking questions is great, but if you ask TOO many questions you can easily fade into that "I don't really remember her" category. Maybe you asked insightful questions about philanthropy the whole time, but when the next PNM came to the active they talked about the active's favorite TV show or shoe designer the whole time...who do you think is going to stand out in the rusher's mind? Philanthropy and housing points and positions are all very important, but you do have to remember you are being rushed by 18-21 year old women. At the end of the day, most would rather have a sister that they can go out with or watch a TV show marathon with or goof around with in class.

If sophomores routinely get bids at your school, then you may have a shot next year. But, like KSU Violet said, "what is going to be so different about you next year?" I'd focus on conversation and meeting new people. Buy and read and re-read and re-re-read Dale Carnegie's "How to Make Friends and Influence People"...you would be surprised at how simple and how effective this man's advice is. It is a classic for a reason. Join organizations, not just to have them on your resume but to meet as many people as possible. Go out and be social at parties, meet as many people as possible, but also don't be that girl who blacks-out/pukes/shacks too much/does drugs/smokes, etc. And meet people to meet them, not to get into their sorority...we can smell that from a mile away.

Good luck!

Gone into recruitment with an open mind and not wanting just one or two chapters? Depending on the campus and the PNM, yes a different result can happen.

Gone into recruitment wanting just one chapter (that most likely cut them the previous year)? Unless the PNM is now BFFs with a majority of the girls in that chapter, it's very unlikely a different result will occur.

I wonder how many times a PNM says she didn't feel a "connection" with a chapter when what she really means is she thought they were "beneath" her.

Honestly too, I've seen women befriend half of a sororities pledge class...we are talking those were her best friends on campus...and still get released because just enough other women in the chapter STILL didn't think this PNM was right for the chapter or classy enough.

So true. It gets said alot that girls should "meet sorority women."

Well, it's true that meeting people is good...unless the girls you are meeting just happen to NOT think that you're a good fit. Then it won't really help. It will likely hurt you more than anything.

I don't think it's so much that the conversation is not "fun" when you ask questions, but more that your rusher isn't learning about what it'd be like to hang out with you.

The one thing I have not seen written here so far, is that while sometimes it IS something you did .... sometimes, it's just not.

On the larger campuses, with hundreds of PNM's, at the top houses, it's so much of a numbers game that you may not have been actively discussed as a "cut" at all. Rather, your score averages could have been just a hair too low, and one or more groups were asked to invite back fewer PNM's than expected, and you got swept out in that process. The numerical difference between the girl who stays and the girl who goes, could be as little as .03 or .04 of a point.

So, if you know you looked fine and had good conversations, and did not spend each and every conversation using the word "I" over and over (as it appears, used often, in a post above this one), then perhaps you should just move forward and not take it so very personally.

Next year, you'll stand out because you'll have earned tip-top grades, and you'll have solid activities to talk about, interesting but not "stalkerish" questions to ask about each house, and will have an even more sophisticated look.

Yes, it's tricky at some schools to go through as a second-year student, but "stellar sophomores" typically do just fine. Chapters like freshmen because it's four years of dues -- but a 2nd year who is a great role model for her first-year sisters, is always a bonus!

I genuinely didn't feel that ANY of the sororities were beneath me. I was definitely not even thinking about that.