Yep. It sounds like the sorority is trying to do damage control.

Definitely true.

Especially in the system you’re in. Again, I come from a smaller Greek system, also. Whether you have formal recruitment or not, it is a difficult situation when a PNM doesn’t get a bid, especially when they come to your chapter members with questions about why they weren’t accepted.

PNMs tend to ask their friends who are Greek (both at their campus and at others) why they didn’t get a bid, and a lot of times, those friends are guys in fraternities. I was actually approached by my boyfriend’s little brother in his fraternity the other night. He is an RA and he asked me about a girl living on his dorm floor who attended a couple smaller activities with some of my sisters. He mentioned that she went to one of their apartments to hang out one night, and she attended a date auction with them (and I didn't go to either event, so I had no idea as to who he was talking about). He said that she loved our chapter, she was very disappointed when she didn’t receive a bid, and then he asked me if I knew why she didn’t get one (talk about putting me on the spot!). I politely said to him, “I’m not really sure, but I’d encourage her to continue to attend as many sorority events as possible over the next semester.” (Notice I said “sorority” events, not “AST” events). I later found out that she didn't receive a bid because of her GPA, and I told him that she wasn't eligible because of that. If it was for any other reason, I wouldn't have said anything.

And I hate to say it but... For sorority members, saying, "You didn't meet enough sisters" is a very easy way to get out of this sticky situation.

Also try to keep in mind that this one fraternity brother you talked to probably didn’t discuss this with the entire chapter, and only asked one member. Maybe that one member has 3 or 4 sisters that she’s friends with who all really loved you. But maybe the rest of the chapter didn’t. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but it could be the reality of the situation, and I just don’t want you to get your hopes up because a random fraternity guy said that the CHAPTER (that he's not even a part of) really wanted you.

Honestly, I always look at these kinds of statements in the same way I look at this phrase when people are breaking up: "It's not you; it's me. But we can still be friends."

If you still feel very strongly about these women, by all means take advantage of the opportunities they present to you to hang out and get to know each other better. But make sure you don't turn into that girl whose only motive for hanging out with us is to get a bid later.