John McCain got me addicted to meth.

Obama shit in my cheerios.

Under Obama, the c-word will no longer be the ugliest word in the English language.

McCain will forbid people from drinking alcohol on Sundays.

Obama wants to make buying whores a tax-exempt purchase.

John McCain believes man-on-pumpkin sex is a right and should be guarenteed by the constitution

(I do love America the book.)

Since now we're apparently doing both candidates...


Obama jacked all the pumpkins off people's porches and smashed them in the street.

McCain is the mysterious force that causes socks in my dryer to disappear...one at a time.


:)

Obama wants to close Denny Hastert's (Republican, the former Speaker of the House) famous chicken farm and restaurant, White Fence Farm, in Joliet, Illinois.

McCain is a very close friend of Rod Blagojevich (Democrat), governor of Illinois - McCain and Rod's dad were drinking buddies. Now McCain & Rod down a few together every time McCain is in Chicago or Springfield.

Obama is willing to get a dog for his daughters, but only if he hires a Korean cook.


McCain thinks that Depends & Viagra should be tax exempt.

(barbino - friends of mine live around the corner from RB. Everytime I go there, he & his security guards are on the street - they tease me that he has a crush on me!)

Ralph Nader burned down my house.

McCain stole Christmas plus all my Who-Hash.

John McCain has been e-mailing me naked pictures of himself.:(

McCain licked my face. ew.

Ralph Nader decided he would be the ideal actor to play Hamlet and has been rehearsing his monologues in my library all day long.

John McCain opened up a flea market near my condo and has caused the traffic to be insane 24/7.

Barack Obama got rid of all the Sweet Tomatoes and decided to have them be Asian Fusion cafes instead.

Obama stuffed my mailbox full of toilet paper and lit it on fire.