Do you know how many hours I spent looking for my Temple of Poon tape? One! That's a long time to be looking for porn!

Never call a broad more than once a week. Never, never, never.

I have a head for business and a bod for sin. Is there anything wrong with that?

You hit my hair!!! I spend a long time on my hair and he hits it. He hits my hair.

This is the cleanest and nicest police car I've ever been in my life. This thing is nicer than my apartment.

He'll regret it till his dying day, if ever he lives that long.

It was a cold and rainy day in March. I went to Kristoff's where I usually get my hair done. But Kristoff wasn't there. He had mysteriously disappeared. In his place was a stranger named Rinaldo. I'll never forget him. His eyes were steely gray. His hands were like ice. He said 'I'll streak your hair and I'll give you a body wave.' He worked very fast and then, as he turned my chair around to face the mirror...I saw it...HE PERMED ME!

And then you got in the shower?

It's 106 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, half a packet of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses... HIT IT!

Kickboxing. Sport of the future, sir, ever heard of it?

She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen.

But after my nap I always watch the Kangaroo Song.

It's overtime right now and there's a penalty shot about to take place. This happens about once every ten years so....

Kangaroo Song, Kangaroo Song....KANGAROO SONG!!!

ALLLRRIIIGGGHTT!!

I see we took our happy pill today.

You're a big winner. I'm gonna ask you a simple question and I want you to listen to me: who's the big winner here tonight at the casino? Huh? Mikey, that's who. Mikey's the big winner. Mikey wins.

If you concentrate on basketball so much, why you bonin' me? Why don't you bone Dick Vitale?