I know this is an old post, but there's a certain chapter PR term for this phenomenon--the use of "face girls." Basically, it means that you pick the girls who look attractive (yes, it can happen with larger sized women, too, so please don't jump on me for bringing this up), but there's some girls who are going to "look good" to PNMs and some who aren't.

It's a huge societal problem, IMHO. We're constantly told by the rest of society that skinny or athletic chicas are more successful, less lazy, and all around better people (even though in a lot of cases this isn't true), so for a lot of folks, it's just an automatic association even thought it's not PC at all. I try to think of the "face girl" concept as putting girls who look confident, well-dressed, well-made-up, and fun in pictures for the website and other chapter things. I think there are a lot of girls out there who don't see that in the same way, and that's sad.

As for my cuts, I got cut HARD. I had done all I could--contacted my area panhellenic in Seattle for recs (they didn't really know what I was talking about or was asking for), kept a 4.0 before rushing, and tried my darnedest to show up to each party looking my best and being my friendliest. I didn't, however, know much about the sorority system and rushed at a Texas school with only a couple recs. I accidentally talked about how my day was going overall (hey, I'm not gonna lie--I liked everyone and I didn't think it was a faux pas to compliment those chapters elsewhere), I was probably a little too open with what I said, and heck, I'm not exactly drop-dead gorgeous, despite my efforts to the contrary (mother nature played a big part in re-frizzing my hair after all that work).

There was, however, a computer issue with me being invited back to KD's party one day, and I accepted, but it somehow didn't make my schedule the next day. I let my rho chi know, and I guess it was fate that she was a KD and I got COB'ed on Bid Day as the "computer glitch bid." Don't get discouraged by the process and there'll probably be a chapter you'll really love later on. Learn from that attempt and go on.

or the other half could learn to like the girl... from reading the posts on GC, i thought in situations when some sisters do not like a pnm, you were suppossed to trust your sisters and cut her, ? or is that just for some chapters? because if that was the case, then every girl who gets heavily rushed is liked by the sorority, isn't it? i'm seriously curious bc maybe i'm at 50/50 right now with the sorority i mentioned.

Membership selection is ritualistic and private and not to be discussed. You're delving into that territory. We can't talk about how many sisters are needed to issue a PNM a bid or anything like that.

But theoretically, why should a house take a girl that only 50% of the house when there's another girl for that spot that 99% of the house likes? Why would you want to join a house where only 1/2 the people liked you?

how is it delving if the question was meant to be in general and not directed at a particular chapter? well, i doubt you'd know what THIS chapter's rituals are anyway. actually, i just asked bc i wanted to make sure i didnt misunderstand what jocelyn (?) said. but MAYBE you're right and MAYBE i shouldn't have asked on a public site. my mistake. i did not know.
why would i want to join where half only likes me? because honestly i could care less what the other half thinks as long as i have my half that does. what are the odds of you chillin with the whole house anyway? and unless you really suck, i doubt the whole sorority would hate you for long.
and why take a girl that only half the sorority likes but not one that 99% likes..well maybe you didnt have to chose either or,maybe you didn't meet quota or one of the girls are "freebies" and you're in the position to take both girls.
or maybe withthe girl that 50%of the sisters liked, maybe the sisters that liked her didnt just like her but felt really strongly about her. I dont know bc im not in a sorority and I dont want to "delve into their territory" or even speculate bc i'll most likely end up wrong, anyway.
im agree that this is a unique situation. i thought it sounded sketchy, AT FIRST ( i don't anymore..I just wanted to hear everyone else's opinion before I decided whether i wanted to rush or not. Yes! I do care what other people think! I'm not narcissistic enough to think I'm always right. I wanted to hear from girls more versed on this issue than I am.

Please allow me to take this one:

We had a woman going through Recruitment whose brother was one of our favorite guys (most sororities have one or two of these), really a super guy. But his sister...! A lot of us could see potential, a diamond in the rough - long, black hair, beautiful blue eyes, nice skin and the worst potty mouth we had ever rushed! When she dropped the F bomb in front of ten, count 'em, ten Alumnae, 3/4 of the chapter was done with her.

With lots of campaigning, the odds became 50-50. With a bit more pleading, she got a Pref invitation, and with a slow Recruitment year, she got a bid to make quota.

Yippee! Hooray! Right? Wrong.

Her attitude - even with a LOT of guidance - became even more obnoxious, "I got in, you can't make me go!" Sisters who had previously been for her were horrified, then hostile. Our suite became very close to an armed camp, meetings became bitchfests. She started to turn the rest of New Members against the sisters. It was a nightmare. Many sisters just avoided the suite completely. There were four sisters assigned to stay with her, to take that leadership ability and turn it into a plus. Try to get that potty out of her mouth. Try to make her into the type of woman that was our chapter's style. It took over two months, but she destroyed us. Thank heavens, she depledged prior to initiation, along with two other malcontents.

We held initiation, and tried to make nice until the end of the year. By the beginning of the next term, our chapter, which was then second largest on campus (darn DZ's were always the largest!), came back with less than half of the sisters. Honestly, they disappeared in the middle of the night - just moved out, cancelled their membership or wrote a check for the rest of the year, and were never seen again. If you saw one on campus, she'd turn the other way. The stress of this ONE unhappy New Member was too much for most to handle!

To this day, whenever asked, I have said that, if a large number of sisters dislike someone - not on the fence, but dislike - DROP HER!!!

I've obviously had to leave parts out, but the bottom line is this:
No one woman is worth the destruction of your chapter. NO ONE!

Thats not the stress of one depledging new member, that was the drama caused by the rest of the chapter's bitchfests.

Thats just silly. Grown women driving each other away because they disagree over something.

James, if you haven't been there, you have no idea.

-------

HC, I know exactly what you mean. The couple times that I can remember us taking girls because a few people REALLY liked them and a lot of sisters didn't......... never turned out well. They were the pledges that missed all sorts of events, that we tried to help and accomodate them, make an effort to get to know them, do nice things for them, then they turned into the sisters that never showed and when they did it was mainly for the social stuff.

I'd say that if that many sisters dislike someone, chances are very very strong that they won't work out. Trust the gut of your sisterhood!

Isn't that the point of social sororities? Doing social stuff? lol

Not really. Showing up for just the mixers and stuff that involved boys is just a very small portion of being in a sorority. Maybe I didn't phrase it correctly, i'm dead tired and about to go to bed.

I have ZERO respect for people who only show up for the "fun" stuff and don't help put any work into it or other things that keep the sorority going (i.e. attend meetings, serve on a committee of some sort, help out in various other ways).

James, you doubt very much if you've ever tried to make a silk purse from a sow's ear. You can only defend or hide bad actions so many times.

To the credit of our President at the times, the bitchfests were kept few and far between at meetings. She had every chance in the book to straighten up, but just wouldn't.

And while I agree with kddani, there's a LOT more to social sororities than showing up at a mixer! There's the planning of the mixers, Greek Week, Homecoming, making floats, keeping the Suite & self clean and pretty, learning to live together in harmony, and much, much more.

thanks for your insightful reply, HC.... i could see a chapter giving a bid to a pnm that only half the chapter liked but if the pnm still made no attempts to fit in after rush then why even give the girl a bid just to make quota? isn't it painfully obvious that she's just after the letters? an "unpopular" PNM and a crappy pledge are two TOTALLY different things.

I don't know if the full amount of pain came through, yes, an "unpopular" PNM who works at becoming a good sister and a New Member/Pledge who doesn't are two entirely different entities.

This woman had it all - including a father who was District Attorney at the time, and running for Mayor! While the sisters who were against her from the beginning didn't make it easy for her, she could have tried harder herself. AND, those of us who saw that she had her guard up but could be awesome should have given her less chances to change her attitude, or advised her to quit earlier. It was a big lesson for all of us!

gem_star17, it really sounds like you want us to reassure you that you have a good chance at overcoming your previous bad behavior towards the sororities at your school. I don't know that you're going to get the answer that you're looking for.