I would put reputation right up there WITH grades - not even as a #2. If you have a crummy reputation, no amount of 4.0s will help you.

I would say that she doesn't have to stay totally away from situations with alcohol present, but she should not be hoisting one herself.
I don't care what older daughter says, PNMs should not risk their fragile reputations by drinking. People are watching, all the time, and talking. PNMs are held to a different, higher standard...especially at Ole Miss, from what I know. It will NOT help in recruitment...in fact, it may deeply hurt. I'm not talking about a glass of wine at home with the parents. I'm talking about 1-2-3 beers at a frat party or somebody's apartment.

It still is!

It does happen, and the vast majority of underage kids can have a drink or two and quit. Yes, some go off the deep end and stay drunk. They don't last long in school. And yes, there are PLENTY of students who don't drink. They're just not as vocal as those who do.

Older daughter, I'm guessing, has a year in college and is now an expert on all things collegiate? ;)
With recruitment being so competitive, I would not give ANY sorority an extra reason to release me. Younger daughter can smile and be polite when she turns down the booze. She can ask for a soft drink, ask for a Sprite or 7-Up, or even water. Be sure she asks for an unopened bottle or can that she opens herself...and don't set it down and walk away and then come back to drink from it.

My best to you...and her!

Why is it confusing? Does she really want to be a member of group that requires she drink while underage to join? Seems like a no brainer to me.

Consider that offering alcohol could also be a "test" of the PNM... let's see how she handles some pressure to do something that she shouldn't. Will this girl turn into a sloppy, bowl hugging drunken embarrassment without the good judgement to know to quit? Or is she mature enough to trust with our letters and reputation?

I would completely stay away from parties. I am not a prude and yes there can be a lot of underage drinking but there are too many other things that can happen In a party environment even if she doesn't drink. All she has to do is get a little too much attention from a guy a member is crushing on or her boyfriend or anything like that. Then the rumors start to fly and every sorority member talks to another and suddenly she's that girl who steals boyfriends or even worse if you know what I mean. Better to be sweet and nice to everyone you meet but stay out of situations where bad things might happen. There will be plenty of fun times ahead once you're going out with your sisters!

What all y'all said.

<meta name="keywords" content="University of Mississippi - Ole Miss,University of Mississippi - Ole Miss greek life,University of Mississippi - Ole Miss summary,University of Mississippi - Ole Miss fraternity reviews,University of Mississippi - Ole Miss sorority reviews,University of Mississippi - Ole Miss greek life, summary, college life, prominent students, chat, school news, events, greek chat"/>

This and this. The guy issue is probably even more of a gnarly dilemma than the alcohol issue.

P.S. High school students shouldn't be going to college parties, period, unless they are accompanied by a family member or friend who never lets them out of their sight. If I saw "randoms" who had tried to get into our parties going through rush, I would want them immediately cut...regardless of recs or anything else...it's just not their place.

The issue at Ole Miss is that recruitment is held in late September or early October (maybe into mid October some years). So a PNM will already be on campus and possibly invited to parties (fraternity and otherwise) as a student. Also, recruitment is smack dab in the middle of football season. Drinking in The Grove on a football Saturday? I am shocked. ;)

I understand that. I'm saying that this

is a v.v. bad idea unless you are with friends who will look out for you.

As far as when you actually get to school, in this kind of environment where rush is so competitive, I'm going to say that no, it will not kill you to stay away from parties for a month, unless you want to scuttle your chances for the rest of your college career. There will be lots more parties to go to. Ditto fraternity parties or dates. The last thing you want is for Joe Schmo to invite you over to his house for dinner in September, then walk into rush in October with a chapter you love and find out the president is Joe's on again-off again girlfriend. Make up a hometown boyfriend for a month and a half. Trust me, it is way, way, WAY easier.

I'm not sure about Ole Miss, but back in the UT days (and probably to this day from what I'm told) this sort of thing is how many actives actually meet the PNM's outside of "the process". We always talk about how the NPC recruitment process is so staid and hard to get to know people, I do think there is SOME merit to meeting people in a casual environment.

Trust me, I get "not going out because you could be an idiot or make a foul up" but my guess is that MOST PNM's are hypersensitive to that sort of thing anyway, and are doing everything they can to be on their best behavior. This just gives them a chance to meet other sorority women outside of the formal rush process.

I don't understand if she is talking about regular college parties or pre-recruitment type parties.

I know that groups here have spring and summer parties that are specifically for pre-PNMs. They are "unofficial" but they are how you break into the top groups. If a PNM was invited and didn't attend, I can't imagine recruitment would go well for her.

We are talking about regular college parties at fraternity houses and the like. Not recruitment oriented single sex parties....

I think it's important to be seen as social, but this is graduate level socializing for undergrads. She needs to be there and be a play along girl BUT she needs to not get drunk and ugly, and not slutty. Learning to walk that line of being friendly with guys (and gals) while not appearing to be hitting on him or sucking up to her is really tricky. Unfortunately, the best place to learn how to "work a room" is through sorority membership. So how do you learn how to behave correctly for the best possible sorority outcome? Be in a sorority. Hmmmmm.

Ole Miss is a highly ranked party school, still the University has severe sanctions for underage drinking, both for individuals and for organizations. There is a two strikes policy, only two are allowed. What may be acceptable behavior for one Chapter may not be so for others. Never do anything that allows you to be portrayed in a bad light, and especially so if you would be embarrassed about it if it was the lead story for the news.<meta name="keywords" content="University of Mississippi - Ole Miss,University of Mississippi - Ole Miss greek life,University of Mississippi - Ole Miss summary,University of Mississippi - Ole Miss fraternity reviews,University of Mississippi - Ole Miss sorority reviews,University of Mississippi - Ole Miss greek life, summary, college life, prominent students, chat, school news, events, greek chat"/>

Such great advice you ladies are giving!!!

Let me clarify a few things, (and not completely give my daughter away).

1. We are from out of state and she did not know any girls currently in any sorority. We did attend a Panhellenic event in our hometown where she met alumni advisors for three different chapters. These advisors arranged for her to stay with girls from their respective chapters. She took two seperate trips to Oxford last spring. The purpose of these trips was for her to have the ability to meet sorority girls.

2. Pretty much every weekend in the Spring, the fraternities hold huge "spring parties" (I didn't attend, but I got the impression that they were what we used to call "Keggers" back in the day). Anyway, my daughter and her hosts "facebooked" prior to her trips. All the girls she spoke to told her how much fun these parties were and how she needed to plan her trips on weekends when the best parties were taking place. I was under the impression from the alumni advisors that this was done all the time and kind of standard operating procedure.

Needless to say, my daughter had a great time, was picked up at the airport (80 miles away), treated to nice dinners, alcohol and fun parties. She had a blast sleeping in the dorms and met a ton of girls! This was where she was told that they expected her to drink, but it wouldn't be a good idea for her to get sloppy. She did exactly that. I hope and pray that she didn't ruin her chance to have a great rush because these advisors arranged these trips! She was wary of the fact that these girls could be testing her, and made sure she was on her best behavior!

As a mother, I absolutely do not condone under age drinking, but I am not naive enough to think it is not happening. Older daughter still thinks I am paronoid. (rolling my eyes here). When I tell my daughter that she will have to lay low and not be social for the first 6 weeks of her college freedom, she looks at me like my head is spinning around on my shoulders.

I SERIOUSLY WISH OLE MISS WOULD MOVE THEIR RECRUITMENT TO BEFORE CLASSES START LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!! This way I stand a chance of not pulling ALL my hair out prior to recruitment. I still have no idea how a week of parties in October is going to help her GPA! Asking an 18 year old social butterfly to lay low is like asking a cat to stay off the furniture.

I'm going to sit her down and make her read all your comments! Now if only you ladies can come visit where we can all sit down and ya'll can advise me on all my problems! LOL ;)