Sorry - meant she didn't know which three to preference for tomorrow. You would think with six, there would be at least ONE that she could at least live with until she fell madly in love. But it's just not the case. She did complete her card and return it, but she doesn't feel good about any on her list.

Do you have any idea why she can't see herself in these six? Is it because she can't get past thinking about the ones that dropped her? I've read a lot of recruitment stories and I don't ever remember anyone getting six (!) invites and thinking they weren't a good fit for any of them.

The houses there are wonderful and those 6 are inviting her back because they see something in her. I'm glad she went back today but I am really surprised she doesn't feel good about any of them.

I hope I didn't confuse anyone when I said Ava was upset today about the choices she had left. She was more upset with getting cut from one she was really leaning towards. That didn't work out, but she would love to be in a sorority and she really liked the other houses. She was just worried about gettig invitations to preference on Sunday from the 7 she was visiting today.

The first house she fell in love with back during the Open House rounds was a house that she had no ties to, but just loved it. She was very discouraged not to get that back, but went to the 9 houses that did invite her back, and decided there were three in that bunch that she really liked - she had friends from home in two of the houses, and her room mate and suite mate both liked the third. She was so excited for today, only to be crushed (her words) not to be invited to the only three she liked. She said the six she visited today were always on the bottom of her list, and she doesn't feel good that ones she wanted didn't want her, and it doesn't make her feel better that six houses did want her, maybe there's something wrong with THEM for continuing to invite her back, and the litany goes on. I guess she doesn't want to be a member of any club that wants her ... Ugh!

I know this is easier said than done, but she needs to get up, dust herself off and reevaluate just how lucky she is to have 6 groups interested in her. I have a feeling that roommate and company are influencing her or she is allowing them to influence her.

I can relate to your pain...I have had two daughters go thru rush at very competitive schools, and the stress can make you crazy. Despite what we tell our daughters, it becomes very personal. These houses have made her feel special, and then she is cut, and to an 18 year old who for the most part has had a pretty blessed life with few disappointments, the focus becomes what is wrong with me?? You feel like your heart is being ripped out because you can't help them, but that is part of growing up. You tell them this will be a growing experience that will make them stronger but they don't want to hear that at the time. Encourage her to complete the process-sometimes they get caught up in the emotion and they're so emotionally exhausted they can make rash decisions they come to regret (my oldest daughter dropped out but then went thru the following year with alot more wisdom about the process, but she was unhappy her freshman year watching what she could have been involved in if she'd let the process play out-she did join a sorority that probably wasn't at the top of her list the previous year). The focus right now is 6 houses invited her back...I'm sure there are many girls that don't have those kind of choices. My best advice is have a martini (or two) to make it thru the next few days!

Sounds like the disappointment of being cut by her early favorite led her to "over focus" on the three remaining chapters that had connections for her==chapters that her friends liked or that had friends from home as actives. Those are "safe" chapters for her.

Hard to believe that out of six remaining chapters, there are not several that would be a good fit. Encourage her to stay, to remain open to what she sees and feels at the pref parties. Those are special times, and emotionally they provide a window into membership, and open the rushees up to see the possibilities.

I hope she puts her wounded pride aside to explore some new options. It's tough to be 18...that is for sure!! It's hard to be a Mama, Auntie, Godmom or friend seeing a young woman take some hits in rush. Hang in there.

You realize that their are members on here that may be in those 6 houses. I don't think anything is wrong with THEM at all and I'm sorry your daughter or you think that or would even say that out loud.

I didn't take it as an insult to the houses she has left. I took it as a very confused young woman who can't figure out what she thinks any longer and is talking herself in circles that don't necessarily make sense.

I didn't take it as insult, either. I don't think Clara Mom was agreeing with her daughter's attitude. I think she finds her daughter's attitude frustrating. She sounds very young and sort of insecure.

If she were mine, I would encourage her to go to pref and keep an open mind. Maybe she'll see something she likes and find a home. If she doesn't, she should probably withdraw and informal rush later with the caveat that she should realize that her favorites may not be able to offer any informal bids and even if they can, they may not offer one to her. I'd also encourage her to explore other extracurriculars. There's a ton of great stuff to do at U of I, and good extracurriculars could only strengthen her if she decides to informal rush or rush as a sophomore.

After watching this board for a year I can only say Clara Mom, encourage your daughter to finish. They have a pledge period for a reason and have her not look at the letters but the girls going back to the house with her. These will be her sisters not the letters. A very wise Aunt told my daughter bid day..."You go in there and put a smile on your face and get your bid card. It won't matter what the letters are the minute you see your pledge sisters."...I later found out she was a sophomore going thru UW's rush years ago...and my experience was a school in New Mexico...yes my daughter pledged at a Big 10 school last year. It gave me another letter and philanthropy to love. Finish finish finish...in the end regrets are only that they didn't.

I just want to caution that, looking at number of active members on the spring grade reports, I'm not certain there will be any chapters doing informal.

I think that Clara Mom's daughter is having the kinds of feelings that so many pnm's share and I do not think that her comments are that unusual at all. It is the reality that on every campus some chapters are considered to be more desirable, for many reasons...campus involvement, # of members, national/regional reputation, and yes, physical attractiveness. The young pnm's feed into the frenzy, it can't be helped I don't think!

But, yes, Clara Mom, I do agree that your darling daughter must proceed with a good attitude! There are many other girls rushing at her school who are in the very same shoes as she is!! Girls that she would love to have as a sorority sister!!

There is NOTHING wrong with any of the six houses. She is just crushed that each round she has picked a favorite, and she hasn't been asked back. I am sure that part of her is thinking that the three she put to top today are sure to drop her, and she will be going back to her back ups, once again. She is also upset that some of her friends were asked back to her favorites, and they were their back ups. Please cut her some slack.

Before I make anyone angry with me, let be clarify my previous comment by saying that the "physical attractiveness" of a chapter in NO WAY determines the strength of the sisterhood or the happiness of the membership. I am 100% certain that all of the Illinois chapters are strong and solid and that they have amazing sisterhoods. Just saying what I think pnm's are perceiving as they go through the recruitment process.