HILARIOUS!!!

LOLOL....that's a man for ya..LOL! Oh my...

Dear Masq71
No i dont want to view your webcam.... you dirty dirty man..you are lucky my "ignore" button doesnt work on my messenger...

Dear finals,

I rebuke you in the name of Jesus H. Christ. May the Lord cast you as far away from me as the east is from the west and this coffee sustain me for all of my days...at least till Wednesday. Amen.

lol@ "from the east is to the west" you are serious about that!!!

Dear Kanye,

I'm sorry to hear that you are no longer engaged. I hope everything works out for the best.

Your fan,
JB13

P.S. Call me! :D :D

Dear Dennis:

I know that you and I haven't been spending a lot of time together as of late. You know that Hubby and I had a little one and he takes up a lot of my time. However, you and I will be spending some time together very soon. I just got an email today from CBS stating that they will start showing re-runs of The Unit very soon in its regular time slot and that the network is still considering renewing the show for the fall. I am very happy to hear that because I missed you a whole lot. I know that I could watch you on DVD, but with a baby in my life now, I have to watch things that don't require all of my brain power like Maury and Divorce Court. My friends and I plan on sending beer and cigars for you and your Unit buddies in a bid to convince CBS that they should definitely bring your show back because it is the best show on Tuesday nights. I have to go now--the little one is crying. We will talk later to discuss the need for you to have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Still your biggest fan ever,

9dstpm :D

To the rude behind lady who was at Curves while I was closing out,

You told me you had an appointment at 2:30. I told you that we are closed from 2 to 4. Then you got on saying that you had scheduled an appointment with us at 2:30 and every time you came there, we were closed. I didn't even see you in the appointment book. I ASKED YOU IF THERE WAS ANY WAY YOU SCHEDULED AT ANOTHER CURVES. You said no. I called the one on A_____ P______ Road and they were closed for lunch as well. You said "I guess you don't want my business" and left in a huff.

Guess what? I called the F____ Road Curves and YOU HAD AN APPOINTMENT WITH THEM. NOT US, THEM. I hoped they called you and made you feel like a biscut.

Because of this, this big @$$

WHOMP, WHOMP

goes to you!!

JB13, Curves employee

To my boss, (or better yet, "spy guy" since you are always sneaking up behind me at work to see what I'm doing), please stop raising your eyebrows and glancing at the clock when you see me leave at the end of the day. I work my 8 hours and turn in quality work so I see no need to work 10-12 hour days like you. I work to live and don't live to work.

T-Pain,

The collaborations have got to stop! Do you have to be on everybody's record? Your sound is NOT original. Roger did the synthesized sound back in the 80's. I am not trying to knock your hustle or anything, but enough is enough....

Mystique

Dear You,

I am trying to be supportive and stand by you during whatever it is that you are going through. However, you aren't giving me ANY incentive to stick around. I think you are a great person and I REALLY want to see where this is going, but I feel like you aren't feeling me and I'm not trying to be a fool. However, you keep trying to get me to stick around. I'll be around... but I'm going to fall WAAAAAAAY back. Holla at me when you are ready.

A lot on my mind.
 

To My Loves,

I know you may not understand, but discretion is not a bad thing. I choose to use the D because it is what I deem necessary. Please understand that this does not mean that I dont trust you with my secrets. It simply means that I know you talk entirely too much and since I'm away at school and cannot monitor who you are talking to the D is extremely necessary. Dont be offended; be understanding.

To the 1 I lost:

I havent even attempted to deal with the fact that you are no longer with me. Finals, Essays, Papers, Life, and other things have kept me from even noticing that you're not here. When I return home for the summer I will be forced to face your absence every day. I pray that God gives me the strength to handle this and be "the strong one" for everyone else in the family.

To my roommates:

In these final days of the semester I have only one thing to say. IM AM SO GLAD I GOT A SINGLE NEXT YEAR!

Dear Oprah~

You just had to come out with the Oprah's favorite things list. Thanks to you I am now hooked on Garrett's popcorn (the cheese and carmel mix) and Carol's Daughter products like Lil Wayne on his cough syrup . I have been making frequent trips to Chicago which is only 67 miles away but gas is HIGH and it's too cold for the train right now.

By the way, I would really like tickets to your show especially the give away show in the front row would be appreciated.

Dear Publix Bakery,

Hi! My name is 9dstpm and I am addicted to your chocolate chip cookies. I became acquainted with your delicious product when one of the deacons and his wife (my soror) brought some to the hospital after the birth of my little boy last month. Since then, I eat them at least 3 times a week. They are that good! :D I have noticed that my love for your cookies has turned into an addiction because yesterday, Hubby and I had a fight to the death (cue the "Star Trek" fight music) over the last cookie in the box. Hubby ate the last cookie and because I wanted some sooo bad, I went out to your store in the pouring rain to get another box. We are fasting at church for the month of May. Since I meet the medical exemption (high blood pressure) and cannot fast for the first 7 hours of the day, I have to give up the cookies. I know it hurts, but Hubby and I cannot continue to fight and trick each other out of cookies all the time. It's not right! I will say a proper goodbye today and go to your bakery and get a box and eat them all before Hubby gets home! Ha Ha Ha!!! Ok, I will leave him 2.

Your Faithful Customer,

9dstpm

Dear Professor,

Crack is whack.

CG