Well, these women should be as class conscious as these black men are, anyway. So find a black man of a higher SES and move on. :)

I admit, way back, I used to take issue with black men who dated non black women. My life experience has made me much more tolerant for a number of reasons. But the one I like the most is that 99.9999999 times out of 100, a black man who denigrates black women, he has a gang of head issues and I dont want to be bothered with him anyway.

I may be naive, but I dont thing that most black women object to interacial love. I think what many black women object to is being disrespected when black men choose to date outside of the race.

i get stares.

go white girls!!!!!

The bubble is a non issue to me. Unfortunately these men graduate or leave college and bring that mentality to their jobs/careers furthering some of the institutionalized bigotry and racism in that "good ole boys club/network"...

How different is it when a young college teenaged Black male says generalizations like these versus late 20's/early 30's college educated Black male who says it that is likely pursue marriage/longterm relationship?

I tell you what, I would not want to seriously date, leading to a longterm relationship with someone thinking that mentality no matter what age he is...



Now that is what I am saying. The brotherman who has decided to date seriously my EX-sister in law said some crap like this to my Ex-SIL... I think she was taken aback with his comment enough to tell my mother--her former MIL...


Sadly, these same men do not think they are disrespecting Black women by their choices. Or rather, they plainly do not care. While I understand your point, I would like to add a clarification: It is NOT the disrespect of choices of who a Black man dates that a sistah has issues with; it is the further demonizing, denigration, beatdown, browbeating, belittling and outright discriminatory practices that Black men do against the Black woman--the same woman who bore Black men in her womb and exited her vaginal canal to enter this realm of the Earth that I have problem with...

Hayle, Black women could choose to abort Black male fetuses, because we decide to buy into the craziness that the stats are far against him? Albeit, it does not seem to be the case. With one full swoop, Sistahs can take out an entire Universe of Black men... That is a power very few recognize--like a 5%'er... Sometimes that thought is a revelation and sometimes it is a burden. Like Assata Shakur.

:) I am responding to your comment about being able to find black women of a similar background. These men are using the campus as their pool of potentials. So, whether or not there are black women who share their experiences off campus isn't what they are considering in that context. And whether or not they don't connect with black women when they graduate is unpredictable. People relate to and date what they are exposed to and their campus is what they're exposed to right now. And I don't think those men (based on what Totally Wicked said) are saying that Latina women are necessarily better than black women beyond the similar background (which doesn't seem like such a compliment, really) thing.

Well I interpreted Totally Wicked's comment to state that Black men are saying they cannot find Black women with similar upbringing as theirs on a college campus that they can date. So, they date "other women" because that is similar to their upbringing as theirs. What I am saying that these men are full of shit, regardless to make a blanket statement. And if they start when their young and not be held accountable for their thoughts, then how will they be any different as they age?

Ignorance breed contempt... And is not always bliss--in fact it might get you killed. One less person contributing to the gene pool...

What is sad is it is justifies a Black man's choice to be anything other than he wants to date {insert ethnic group here}. I don't think anyone is saying here they have issues with personal choices. Hayle a man can date a goat for all I care, but to say that Black women stink worse than goats, well... :rolleyes:

I agree, it is not much of a compliment, though... And it is said that these ladies are buying that bullcrap these kind of bruhs are "rappin'" to them... Like Reefer and Liquor...

Well, from what folks have told me (Black men and Latinas that date one another), is that they do go with one another because of similar backgrounds...SES speaking, but I DO find it interesting, as some couple friends of mine are from areas of the country that are highly racially homogenous and/or segregated.

For example, a couple friend of mine is composed of a Mexican American woman from Los Angeles and an African American man from Detroit. Both have told me they were raised in low income neighborhoods and that they also were raised in neighborhoods and attended public schools of which their racial/ethnic group was either the majority or the entire make up of the school. Thus, coming to college was their first exposure to mass diversity (my school is located on the 2nd most diverse neighborhood in the nation).

Now there are several ways to look at this:
1) they are going for the first person who is unlike them racially/ethnically because of their past experiences
2) they are embracing the diversity of the neighborhood (reaching I know :p ) 3) They grew up not wanting to be with someone of their racial/ethnic group

and various more...in the long run, I am hoping that my friends are aware of the consequences and possible reactions of people...some of my other friends really go all out to say "Yeah, we're dating and you can't do anything about it!"....I'm like ok..pass the salt LOL

How come these friends of yours just cannot say to folks that saw each other and fell in love? Or like, whatever, they found uniqueness between each other that they decided to date. Cool Beans, whatever...

But to say, Black women aren't ______________. Well, that just sucks.

numerically, this doesn't compute.

I was trying to get understanding, but I still don't understand why it's an issue if they're attracted to each other and really like each other. That's why I said I guess I'll go on clueless. I'm sorry, but I don't see why it's a problem.

but you said you didn't want to read the books.

@CheerfulGreek: You were looking for a validation of your perspective, not understanding (because if you were looking for the latter, than a bit of reading and research might be necessary). When you didn't get that you decided to "remain clueless," which essentially means I am right even if y'all don't agree. That's okay--I guess.

Exactly my point, soror.

Cheerful Greek, it's not a problem at all. :)

That was pretty much the situation at college for me...unless they were from South America, or Cubans from Miami, the Latinas tended to be urban working-class, whereas the black women were majority middle to upper-middle class. But, my undergrad is not like most colleges! :)

----------

Back on topic, I will say that, as a black female, I don't understand why black women feel so disrespected about interracial romances. I just don't! There have been black guys that I was interested in, who started dating white women. Was it a reflection on me and what I lack? Hell no!

I thought it was a trite stereotype, but between reading this thread and the Harold Ford stuff on blacksocialite, it still comes as a suprise to me. I have an aunt who used to really bitch and moan about black men dating outside their race, until my cousin brought home a half-Asian woman...and then she got real sweet once grandkids started coming. She's a bitter lonely bitch anyway, so I figured it was just her. But no!

Well, hopefully and chances are, this is just because of that campus climate and they haven't "sold their souls." :p Out of that campus climate, they would be more able to find black women of their social class and experience background. Maybe.

"Well, well, well...the gang's all here...bring out the 40's."
~Shelby ~The Best Man~

How did you get to that point in your thinking? Has it always been that way for you? Just asking? Because, maybe you can help a Sistah out... ;)

even though your question wasn't directed me, I somewhat agree with Munchkin03. I'm Nigerian and I went to high school in two African countries where more than 25% of the school's population were what we affectionately called .5 or half caste, kids of mixed heritage, African and some other Eurocentric nationality. So growing up in the 90s seeing all these multicoloured faces was nothing of a big deal to me.

I really couldn't care less if black men want or choose to date exclusively non black women, it just means one less person I can cross of my list. I take happiness where I can find it, be it the arms of my Bacardi Watermelon, or the arms of a non black man/woman/tranny/shim/it.

Just like there are men who date exclusively non black for *hitty reason, there are women who do the exact same, date non black for *hitty reasons, and when you sit down and listen to thier logic, its scary, its almost like they're brainwashed or have had a one bad experience and are tainting everyone with the same brush.

:)

I grew up in a highly multicultural environment (before it was cool!), near a military base, where you have all sorts of people, from Filipina GI brides to Indian aerospace engineers, mingling. Even though it's a highly conservative area of the country, interracial relationships were commonplace.

Part of it is also the fact that I have dated people of all backgrounds. So, how can I attack someone, when I do the same thing?

Finally, I was raised not to project a man's opinion of me onto how I live my life. So what if a man doesn't dig black women? No reflection on this one, because for each one that doesn't, I've found 10 more who do! :)

ummm.....

My friend would always say, "that it is just one less person to think about a Christmastime..." :)

I understand what you are saying. I am just not "there" yet. I need prayer...


It is not that I am not open to various kinds of relationships, folks will do what they want to do. But, I really take issue with our group basically stating their reasons why they choose to avoid women of their similar group...

The other issue is many kids resulting from the liaisons suffer some form of self esteem issues. I am already seeing it in my little 3 year old nephew. He knows something is wrong, but he does not understand it in his little mind. How can I buttress that up so that when he gets older he is not displaying risky behaviors? Yes, his parents should KNOW this, but they are inundated with work or whatever other issues that I cannot go into in here.

Starang--don't hate, participate!!! ;) :D

i'm not hating.

i don't know whether or not i should have been mortified or unsually aroused. it's all so confusing.

rotfl @ starang

lol at Soror Monet and starang.

This is going to be a little controversial here, but I'm going to say it because I've felt this way for a long time. I suspect that the kids with the most "problems" that can be connected with their heritage are the ones where the parent of color is emotionally or physically absent or less than functional, leaving the white parent to raise the child/ren in an environment where they are very isolated.

That is not controversial!!! :D That is downright dead on accurate. :eek: No doubt. I am seeing that RIGHT NOW!!! These young ladies who had my brother's babies, wow... All they wanted was a meaningful relationship. Maybe they went about it with less than altruistic reasons, nonetheless, it not involves another human being. These poor kids don't know any different. So, what does this say about the development of their self-esteems?

Another question--if the dude is an asswipe, in general, how do these women manage? Especially when they do really have any Sistah friends because of the bullisht dude ingrained into their heads? I.e. Sistahs are more hostile--see the sneers!!!

No I don't want to read them. Just because it's in a book or written by some famous author doesn't make it right.

I'm clueless as of why, because it's pretty shallow for someone to say "Oh, he shouldn't be with her because she's white."

Sweetie, now are you being obstinate or do you really NOT understand? I do not think that is what most people are saying (in bolded)--what they are saying is that these men prey on some types of women for baseless reasons and are derogatory and bigoted to the women in their same group...

It is one thing that a man sees a woman and is physically attracted to her, gets to know her more and decides he likes being around her and wants to get to know her more in a dating capacity and the man happens to be Black and the woman happens to be White...

It is another thing that this same Black man says that ALL BLACK WOMEN are bitches and that he hates them because they are not {insert derogatory comment here}--so he going to date anything BUT BLACK... That is what we are talking about... That is ALL we are discussing...

The conclusions we all have come to is:

• That these men are idiots.
  
• They are one less person to think about at Christmastime.

And we have sort of moved on to the kids that result from these liaisons and their self-esteems, which is a very real personal issue for me...

It says nothing about your situation. If you have found a young man that enjoys your company and treats you respectfully and he happens to be Black, I wish you all the best in your relationship.

But, after discussing a variety of topics with you, I really think you can benefit from reading and educating yourself with references rather than solely relying on this young man for his culture. So that when you encounter that awkwardness, you are better prepared when you communicate with your loved ones. Hey, you can take it or leave my advice. Besides, how come you desire cluelessness? Do you have anything we all need to know? :rolleyes:

And if your "boyfriend" is telling you not to interact with Black women, I am here to tell you that is full of shit and EFF that... You had better make some Sistahfriends and not the bootylicious subculture--because hayle no, that is not it... You know what I am talking about... Let me know, because we can assist you in what to say and do...


Now with that said, I have something for you in the News and Views thread!!! :)

and just because you say it's wrong doesn't mean it's wrong, either. in fact, they're way more on the dot about the subject than you are. but you are more than allowed to wallow in your "cluelessness" i.e. ignorance.

that's a choice, not a circumstance.

On another note, when I have recently seen black men/white women pairings, to me it is almost as though they are expecting me to give them dirty looks.

For instance, if I am walking towards such a couple on the street, there is almost an air of challenge in the way that they look at me, as though they are waiting for something to happen (and I don't think that I am projecting). I just do the internal shoulder shrug and walk on by. I am not particularly concerned with who random people date or their reasons for doing so.

Has anyone else noticed this?

Ditto
 

^^ I agree. I'm not sure if it's a defense mechanism because of prior harassment, a guilty concious, perhaps an uncomfortable feeling being in the presence of African American women, or what. But I have noticed a fearful glance, a somewhat challenging stare, individuals grasping their partner's hand or grasping it tighter, and other body gestures that seem to scream "get away from me", "what do you have to say about it", "see, he's happy who he's with", "here comes the angry sistah", "she's judging me or us"...etc.

And I'm like :rolleyes: or :confused:..was that reaction even called for?

I have noticed this, but more often than not it's the black man looking nervous and the white woman looking scared. I do the internal shrug thing as well. I have NOT noticed this when the man is black and the woman is latina/asian

Stealing a line from a bad movie I saw once..."Are you being deliberately dense?" I honestly think you have zero desire to become more educated about the issue and just want to ask a bunch of questions that you THINK you already know the answer to. I don't hate you, I really don't, so please don't think that. I just think you might not be the brightest crayon in the box.

i agree, and i think it happens with BM/WW as much as the other way around. just my experience. i just dont even look their way anymore.

one of my friends from college (a white man, gay at that) and i used to walk all over the village hand in hand just to see people's reaction. the "dirty looks" ALWAYS from black men. one dude screamed across the dining area of a freaking McDonalds "What the f***, that's how it is?"

and in another funny incident, we went to a bar and a bunch of older white women sized us up, and my friend approaches them. one of them says "well i guess ive seen it all." he says "yeah, you know how us gay white men from connecticut love our sassy black new york women!"

to which the WW replied, "well... youre better off staying with her than one of... them."

definitely one of those :confused::eek::D moments.

and yes, i too do think CG is just moving the thread along by feigning ignorance and cluelessness. between this and the SEX thread...

No offense to cheerfulgreek but she does this with certain topics once she sets her mind to a particular way of thinking. :)

tld211's incident with her gay friend reminded me of this:

I had recently moved into my apartment. My colleague (gay and white) offered to help me with my drapes, etc. A girl moved in across from me. She was white, her guy was AfAm. My colleague and I went to the store for supplies so he could hang my valences, etc. We met them going down the stairs as they were going up. They had this expression like they validated us being together. Oh, so you're into the swirl, too?!?!? Ummm, sorry, we are not a couple was MY expression!!!

He and I both laughed. I laughed b/c I'm not into IR and he laughed because he's not into the va-jay jay! LMAO

My neighbor (dude) turned out to be one of NOLAs most wanted. After he was removed from the apartment in a Cops like scene, she soon left.

LOL. They thought they had connected with you all real quickly.

(I'm mad that the AFAm dude ended up NOLAs Most Wanted. See, interracial daters, don't lower your dating standards so that you can date interracially. And if you never had high dating standards, boooooo to you.)