Quote:
Originally Posted by ISUKappa
As with anything in life, you have to figure out what works best for you and you alone. To hell with Ferber, Weissbluth or the Sleep lady or your neighbor, church friend or coworker.
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Well, here's one thing I can agree with. Add to that your parents, in-laws and friends. That sounds cold, but they can be a very disruptive force if you don't intend to do things exactly the way they did.
You do have to figure out what works best for you.
For the most part, I'm in line with with ZTAMiami and crew. I only speak from our personal experiences -- and, frankly, I was not understanding of many/most of the concepts when we began having children.
I should also say that we had two miscarriages (one, a set of twins) before our first full term birth.
I should also say that I'm personally not impressed with the arguments about missing out on promotions and upward advancement. It may be more difficult, but the best people will always rise to the top. If your most important personal goal is corporate success above family, then perhaps children are a mistake for you.
My opinion (there's that word again -- opinion) is that there is nothing more important than raising a human being, should you choose to create one -- even if the "choice" is really an accident. When our first was born, Mrs. DA and I made about equal salaries -- both fairly small. The 50% cut when WE decided she should stay at home and raise the kids was not easy to take, but somehow we managed.
By the way, Mrs. DA is a powerhouse. I'm convinced that she could be a CEO of something -- but her priority (which I went along with reluctantly at first) was to raise her/our family, as was her mother's, grandmothers and great grandmothers -- all of whom had college degrees which was almost unheard of in those years. Powerful women. She decided on volunteer work where she could set her own hours and rose to the top in every instance, including sitting on the board of directors of a not-for-profit with branches in eighty-one countries.
My opinion is that certain lifestyle issues (how to pay for the second BMW), should take second place to the child. Please don't even try to tell me that children get as much love and affection in babysitting or daycare as they do from parents. Even with the best providers, you can't really believe that.
My opinion is that raising the next generation is the single most important thing that anyone who chooses to be a parent can do. More important than promotions, salaries, houses, cars or pretty much anything else except the family health and wellbeing. I see MOST (certainly not all) of the other excuses as personally selfish. Of course there are exceptions, especially single parents, that are obvious.
With all respect, those of you who are not parents really shouldn't be judgemental one way or the other in the breastfeeding (which I vaguely recall was part of the original topic, but will almost always move into a parenting/lifestyle discussion) or the parenting beliefs, techniques and skills of others. While you may violently disagree now, if and when you do have children, you will discover that this is one of the things in life that you really must experience to understand.
Reading books and advice from friends are useful, but no two babies and/or parents are the same and the beliefs that you begin with seldom survive more than the first few days.
Finally, my opinion is that being a parent is the most difficult and rewarding thing a person can do/be. It isn't something that you can easily walk away from for even a day. You just can't. The child is constantly on your mind -- and rightly so. This think your trying to figure out is someones life -- and their future.
It's obvious that many will not agree with my opinions, but I'm content with my beliefs which were formed during the raising of three pretty good kids. When some of you get to that point, come and see me and we'll chat.
