Yeah, but 99% of the people in the above situation simply think they are too good for certain chapters, though they use euphemisms like "I don't fit" and "I didn't feel a connection". I'm sure this woman could have been happy in one of those two chapters, if she wanted to be happy in one of them. The disconnect is women thinking they belong in Phi Beta Popular, when they really do not.

You posted before that she was "sacked" from recruitment. I felt really awful when I read that, but your daughter was not sacked. She turned two wonderful chapters down so I don't see why you are looking for sympathy on here, you likely won't find it.

She did post elsewhere and got sympathetic responses, she left out that her daughter wasn't actually sacked though.

Where do you get your statistics on this 99%? Sorry to snark, but there's a poster (can't remember who) who gets very hung up on stats and where they came from...

I really see both sides on this and know that there are probably many PNM's who feel "above" certain chapters, but there are some that just don't "feel right" being in certain chapters. We should not blame them for taking a bid away from another woman who might really love that house. So instead we snark at the PNM, and I personally don't like that. They're told to "go out and find your home" in formal recruitment, and they didn't. Pat them on the back and tell them your sorry, and move on. Maybe she could have been happy in that house, or maybe she would have made a bad decision that locked her to that bid for an entire year. Who knows? But we do know we can't change it now with our snarky advice.

But why then, don't we snark about our own NPC organizations when the MUTUAL SELECTION process fails a perfectly wonderful PNM who is dropped from the system completely? We don't, because God forbid, we say something terrible about the system that we are a part of already...

OK, I get the gist of it. Bye.

Goodbye. Your daughter was not sacked and is not a unique snowflake.

I think we're all reasonable enough to point out that the system isn't perfect on either side.

When you have that volume of people being shuffled in and out over a short period of time, both sides of the equation are going to make snap decisions which may or may not be rational, grounded in fact, etc. If we were to give every single person the thorough vetting, "rush" would last 3 months.

The difference, in my opinion is that the sororities have been participating in rush for years, so they likely have more practice at making quick decisions with better end results.

I'm not saying that you should 'settle' for anything, but what are the odds that in two 100+ member organizations, any young woman couldn't/wouldn't find her niche?

I agree with most of this, but does the bold part give us license to snark at them like we have a superiority complex or something?

These 19-22 year old women are doing formal recruitment for (on average) 3 times total (soph, jr, sr year). Yes, there are advisors, yes, the wheel isn't invented over and over again, BUT they're still young and making rash decisions like the PNM's.

The system isn't perfect. I just hate seeing people kicked and snarked at when they're down. Furthermore, finding a "niche" is far different than finding a "home". They're 18 years old and under the impression they're looking for a "home".

Stop acting like you're above it. See below.

And I apologized for it! But the fact of the matter is, there really is a poster who will challenge you on where statistics come from, so if you throw it out there, you should be willing to back up the claim. Otherwise it's just nonsense.

I also wasn't snarking and beating down someone who is already LOW and SAD. That would be referred to as BULLYING. Which takes me back to my original point - can we just be a little nicer? I know that there those who feel "above" certain houses, but some just don't feel the "connection" we tell them to look for. Let's quit kicking people when they're already down.

If I could point out one other thing: I don't have any personal connection with Auburn and the only info I have on their recruitment is what I have read on this site (including the link to their recruitment brochure). From what has been posted, every chapter at Auburn attained quota. Not knowing anything about the 2 chapters in question that hmills2's daughter was invited back for pref, we don't know if those chapters are at or above chapter total. If they were pushing chapter total at the time, it is possible that the daughter may have taken a bid from a girl who only had one pref invite or really liked that house and suicided for it.

Like most here, when I read the post about the daughter dropping because of 2 invites she "didn't like," I was not overly sympathetic and immeadiately thought of the poster, Wareagle, who was completely dropped from Auburn recruitment but showed lots of class about it on this site.

With that said, I think we can all agree that PNM's should at least go to the parties where they are invited, even if their favorite houses dropped them. As far as pursuing membership, that is a decision each woman must personally face.

I suggest we go back to a positive spin.

^^Like and agree!

I'm an ex-lurker, but felt compelled to comment on this thread! I discovered GC about a month before my own OOS daughter went thru rush at Auburn! Ever since it's been my own guilty pleasure.

Most of the advice on these boards is invaluable! Anyone that has looked around on these boards has read about how competitive rush is at Auburn (and at most SEC schools!) Because there are so many great girls in the process, some of those girls are going to slip thru cracks. Is the process flawed -- yes. But, it's the only process there is. And, although some girls get hurt, for the most part it does work.

What bothers me, is the perception of "good" houses. And, honestly, my daughter and I had those perceptions prior to her own recruitment experience. We talked about having an open mind, but after the first round, I think her ranking was somewhat biased by those perceptions.

My daughter had what most would consider a tough rush experience, despite having a nice resume. First round was perfect. Then came the axe! After the 2nd round, she was only left with only one favorite -- a house that most would not consider a "top tier" house. Her legacy chapter released her (I didn't go to Auburn.) She did have an almost full schedule, but she had to take a new look at houses that weren't on her radar the day before. She was very lucky, because in the end, she received a bid from her favorite! But, even if she had not, she was determined to find a sisterhood.

What have I (as her mom) taken away from this experience?
1. There are NO "bad" chapters at Auburn -- when you have this competitive of a rush, all the chapters fill their pledge classes with incredible young women. Who decides anyway, if a chapter is "good" or not? Some chapters may be higher profile, but it doesn't mean that they are any better. Joining an organization for "status" may not be the best reason to be there.
2. There are more similarities than differences among the chapters. Every chapter has bookworms, massive party girls, involved girls, etc.
3. Please remember, when you label chapters, that the labels hurt the women within those chapters.
4. Life isn't always fair. Yes, I wish my daughter had had a perfect rush experience. But, I firmly believe it worked out the way it was supposed to, and there were a few life lessons along the way!

Greek life is not for everyone. For me, it has been a great experience. For some, like me, it will be life long experience, that I'm so happy to have. That's what I hope for my daughters as well. And like anything else, the more you put into it, the more it will give back to you!

Okay -- I will get off my soapbox now, but I feel much better!

Tigerfanx5 AWESOME POST

If you were actually "sorry", you wouldn't have said anything. It's like saying, "No offense, but..." Whatever. Substitute "99%" for "pretty much everyone".

I don't think it's bullying by pointing out that the woman in question does not have to be sad and calling out what is almost certainly her/her daughter's true feelings.

Fabulous post, Tigerfan!!