Long Distance Relationships...

APhiRattlerGal · #1 05-01-2002, 04:34 AM

Ok, so I was just curious about ya'll's opinion regarding long distance relationships. I just started getting involved with someone who lives in Sacramento California (I'm in Texas). His family has been friends with my family since before i was born. When him and his family came down to Texas for a visit we hit it off immediatly. (last time i saw him i was 8 yrs old when he threw mud at me......i forgave him after he apologized over and over again when i saw him for the first time in April since the incident). I'm a little scared to endeavor in such a relationship. He wants us to start something but i just dont know. He is a wonderful guy .... everything that i've always wanted. Help! Give me advise!!

Always-
Ili

Optimist Prime · #2 05-01-2002, 06:07 AM

If you like him go for it. Life is too short not too. Besides, its not like your commiting to marrige or even to something final. And if it doesn't work out you can be like, "dude, you live too far away" and he has no answer to that.

lionlove · #3 05-01-2002, 07:21 AM

I feel like an expert in this subject, all of my relationships have been long distance at some point. First was my high school boyfriend, we dated for over a year before we went off to college in different countries (me in Pennsylvania, him in Ontario Canada) we lasted a year after that before we broke up the beginning of our sophomore year of college. My second (and current) boyfriend goes to college with me but we are apart during vacations. Now, I'm studying abroad and he's back at school so I haven't seen him since January.

It's hard but if you have the dedication it can work. Some advice on making long distance relationships work:
1. Email or call each at least every other day to keep each other updated on your lives
2. Don't expect him to be there for every important moment in your life and vice versa
3. confide in him. He may not be there to help you solve all of your problems but crying on his shoulder (via phone or email) will make him feel like an important part of your life.
4. Don't get whiny and say things like "you never visit", transportation is difficult and time consuming. On the other hand if you guys never make the effort to see each other then the relationship will not work.

This is all I can think of for now. Good luck!!!

XO_Princess · #4 05-01-2002, 12:01 PM

Ok, I'm going to put in my $ .02: long distance relationships can work-but you have to make them work. And both people have to make an effort. And above all, you have to trust each other. That is the big thing. When I went to college in D.C., my boyfriend was still in Texas...and man, that was hard. Probably b/c we were young and not mature enough to work at it. But we did stay together for 2 1/2 years. Then, right when I started dating Mr. XO_Princess, I moved 5 hours away from him. We ICQ'd a ton, emailed everyday, and called as much as we could. Plus, being only 5 hours away, we were able to see each other about every 2 weeks. Trust wasn't a big deal, b/c we were both mature enough to trust each other totally. Any long distance relationship is hard though, b/c like LionLove said, he won't be able to be there for every important moment in your life. And thats really hard. There are somethings that I would have given my right arm for Mr. XO_Princess to have been there with me, but he just couldn't-and vice versa.

It's alot of work, but if you think he's worth it, then I say go for it. And good luck!! BTW, Mr. XO_Princess have been together for 4 years now.

AchtungBaby80 · #5 05-01-2002, 12:13 PM

OK, I'll be honest--LDR's are a bitch. But I've stayed in one for the past year because it's so great when we're together that it makes up for all the time apart. I think everyone else has been right on the money with their suggestions, but let me re-emphasize the regular communication part--that is VERY important! If you don't talk, there's no relationship. If you let this part slide, you're in trouble. So call, e-mail, or whatever...just so you talk often enough so that you still feel like you're a part of each others' lives. And also, don't make promises that you can't keep; for instance, if you say you're coming to visit, then do it. Don't say you will and then call three hours after you were supposed to be there and say that "something suddenly came up," because even if you're telling the truth, it won't wash. Give at least a day's notice, because it's hard to believe anything someone says when they never follow through with anything.

I would say give it a try, though...one good thing is that you never have to worry about not being able to get your work done because you're always with your guy.

It could turn into something pretty nice. And hey, if it doesn't work out, you can just use the old, "Well, you see, it's the distance...." excuse.

LexiKD · #6 05-01-2002, 01:07 PM

A topic that I actually have experience in!

They can work but are difficult. It really teaches you about your needs. You will be amazed what you learn about the both of you.

My man was one hour away and then moved to Ca. while I was stuck in NC.....but it works it just takes time and a lot of understanding...

Go for it!

James · #7 05-01-2002, 03:06 PM

uhhh . . . just to be different, why bother? Be a practical romantic, and cherish the time you spent together (how long was it even?), reserve a small dusty room in your heart for him, and then meet and hang out with men within a couple area codes!

Yes you can make a long distance relationship work. You can even fixate on the person where the drama of the long distance makes the relationship more than it would be if you were present.

Like an internet crush or something, or the tradition of courtly love with letter writing.

But there will be pain, and there will be a LOt of absence where you have no one to be physically close to which is a key part of a relationship. Life can be lonely when the person you love is never around for a heart felt hug, and I dare say that phone and email are a poor substitute for that closeness.

Plus you have almost no time invested in this do you?

So I vote No! Or if you really like the comfort and pseudosecurity of it at least have the option of seeing others.

PS. From a guys point of view. We used to LOOK for the girls that had a long distance relationship. It would be like: Does she have a BF? Oh, how far away? And the farther away it was the easier it was to have an affair with her because often she was very lonely (for affection) and didn't even realize it.

But good luck.

DeltAlum · #8 05-01-2002, 04:42 PM

A) Our oldest daughter go married while still in college and her husband went to live with her (In the condo we were paying for) as soon as he graduated from college. They ran out of money, so he moved back to Colorado while she finished school in Ohio (2 quarters as I recall). I thought they were both nuts. Why not wait 6 months to get married. But they didn't want to try that "long distance" romance.

By the way, they were divorced within two years.

B) Be prepared for huge long distance bills.

C) Good luck.

AchtungBaby80 · #9 05-01-2002, 06:05 PM

I feel like a little bit of a traitor for saying this, but well said, James. It really is lonely. And other guys know that, which is really annoying.

But if she wants to go for it, great. It's just not something people can keep up forever.

GreekLetterGirl · #10 05-01-2002, 06:40 PM

Ok I have been on both sides, my freshman year I was at a college in a different state than my "hometown honey " and it was the worst year of my life. Huge phone bills, teary good byes, never having him close when I needed, just like James said "Life can be lonely when the person you love is never around for a heart felt hug, and I dare say that phone and email are a poor substitute for that closeness. "We made it throught that year, but than broke up in the summer because we where so used to being apart we didn't know how to be together. But that was just mine, we where both young, it was our first year of college and we thought we could do it. This year I had a boyfriend "the torried ex that I post about so much

" on campus, and it was awesome, I swore I would never do another long distance relationship. When my bf left campus for 8 months we broke up, though it was hard we both knew that it would be for the best, because having one person out having fun and living it up while the other one was not around with them would be hard. And honestly we didn't want to put the effort it takes to make it work. Granted we still keep in touch and more often than not it does feel like we are together, we know that we aren't. Who knows what will happen when he gets back in the fall?! But right now we are single, in fact he is going to a junior prom Yup a 22 y/o at a JR Prom ? eek: eek: Long distance relationships can work!!!One of my sister has done it succesffully. It takes a lot of time, and effort and TRUST!!! Polish up your letter writing skills and make sure you have a kick ass phone plan ( i know att wireless offs 400 peak and unlimited off peak and long distance) If you think the guy is worth it , why not take it for a whilr, they are hard but they can be done!! Best of luck to you and keep us posted !!!

PS sorry so long !!!

BearyCuteAPhi · #11 05-01-2002, 06:50 PM

Ili,

Hey, do not worry about it not working out. I am a prime example that it can workout. If you need to talk I am right down the hall.

AOE,
Ronnie

APhiRattlerGal · #12 05-02-2002, 02:08 AM

Thanks you guys for the advise. Lionlove, thanks so much, you made me think alot about all that. I think i am going to try this out. He is a wonderful wonderful guy and i know if i didnt give it a try i would kick myself later while wondering the "what ifs". You guys helped me A LOT!! I knew i could count you ya'll!!

Ronnie, thats right, i totally forgot you guys are in a LD relationship. I just may take you up on that offer if RW and I take things further. You are the best!!!

AOE!!

Always-
ili

stillwater15 · #13 05-02-2002, 01:35 PM

i also think you should go for it, in spite of the physical distance between the two of you. after graduating, i was involved in a ld relationship (nj to al). although it ended about 7 months afterwards, i have no regrets, because we cared about each other, but it simply wasn't meant to be. true love isn't waiting around every corner. you owe it to yourself to give it a shot. best of luck.

damasa · #14 05-02-2002, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by stillwater15
true love isn't waiting around every corner. you owe it to yourself to give it a shot. best of luck.

I must say that this is one of the best lines of advice I've read in this thread, although many others have also given great advice.

Blaine

UDZETA · #15 05-02-2002, 03:09 PM

I have a long distance relationship. I'm in Ohio and he is in Florida. We both went to the same high school but he dicided to go to college in Florida. He is two years older then me and we had dated on and off for four years. I must tell you it is not easy!!!! We visit each other but most of the time its just a phone call. But if you are strong you will make it.