My recruitment story
 

My recruitment story doesn't necessarily have a happy ending but I wanted to share in case the advice helps other PNMs.

I rushed at an Ivy League school back in the early '00s and for a northern school, it was way more competitive than I anticipated. I wish I had known about Greekchat back then since the advice on this site is invaluable.

Back when I went through recruitment, there were either 12 or 13 houses on my campus (sorry, can't remember exact number). My school had a deferred recruitment, which meant you had to come back to campus a bit earlier than everyone else. Because of this, most of my friends opted not to go through recruitment.

Unfortunately, when I went through recruitment, I was shy and honestly, a bit socially awkward. I was not good at small talk at all. I didn't have a ton of friends in high school so I was looking for the sisterhood aspect of a sorority in college.

Round 1 was a complete whirlwhind and involved walking around in freezing temperatures in parkas. I lived in the South so I had never experienced such cold temperatures. As soon as we got into the warm house, my fingers and toes would finally stop tingling and my nose immediately started to run.

After Round 1, I was cut from all the houses except for four. Most of the conversations in the early rounds were: what's your major, where are you from, what did you do over winter break. I didn't really do a good job of steering the convo away from these standard questions so it's not a surprise that I didn't click with anyone.

After Round 2, I only had 3 houses left and they were all considered "bottom tier" houses, which I didn't really care about. Throughout the next few rounds, I was completely conflicted as to which house to join and felt stressed out/overwhelmed. Looking back, I should've dropped and gone through informal recruitment or waited another year but I made a snap decision to join my house.

Like the other two "bottom" house, this house was struggling with numbers but the girls seemed nice. I figured that all the new members could help turn it around.

One of the aspects of joining a struggling house that I didn't think about was that the actives and my new pledge class were a mixed bag. Everyone wanted something different out of our sorority. Some girls wanted to be the anti-sorority house and others wanted strict rules on how to do our hair/makeup to help our ranking improve. The amount of cliques and conflict within our small house was astounding. In the end, my house, along with the other 2 houses I preffed, ended up closing. Not sure what happened to the others, but with ours, the internal conflicts certainly didn't help.

Anyway, I wanted to share my story in case it helps PNMs. I feel like sometimes women are warned to stay away from "top" houses since they're considered to be catty but it can happen in "bottom" houses too.

You should also go with your heart and your gut. My gut told me to drop from my house and either remain independent or re-rush in the future but I lacked self confidence to do so. While I made a few good friends, the years I was in my house were also some of the most stressful parts of college.

I'm curious... are you still involved with your sorority as an alumna?

I'd love to be involved as an alumna but there aren't a lot of us where I currently live. I'm actually trying to start an association here but it's been pretty slow going. Hopefully we'll be up and running in the next few months :)

I re-read my original post and it comes off as a little more negative than I meant it to be. I guess I should add that I was a first-gen college student in my whole extended family and I had no clue about Greek life.

I guess the point I wanted to make was that I knew in my heart that I chose a house that i would not be happy at. I think it's important to give all the houses an equal opportunity but if you know for sure in your gut that you aren't going to be happy in a particular house, don't force it and look at other options, whether it's remaining independent and foucsing on other campus orgs, re-rushing, joining a local sorority, etc.

A lot has changed since the early 00's, and for the better. I was also in a smaller chapter, and the constant pressure to recruit, recruit, recruit was indeed exhausting. Fortunately, RFM has really helped to level the playing field and allow more chapters to be successful in formal recruitment, instead of constantly playing catch-up and feeling rejected by PNM's every time around.

I never posted my recruitment story on here because it was just too long ago and I can’t remember enough details to make it worthwhile. But my story is very similar to this, except I did not attend an Ivy League school. I was also cut from all but the “struggling” chapters, and actually only made it to pref at one. I joined, and our chapter closed at the end of the school year.


Like the OP, sometimes I wonder “what if I’d tried harder at the other chapters” or “what if I’d done something differently.” I do regret that I never got to live in the house (one of the main reasons I was interested in joining a sorority in the first place), or have a little sister. But then I have to remember that if not for Chi Omega, I would have been dropped from recruitment altogether. And even having one year of the collegiate experience, at least I got to see what it’s like to go through recruitment (still called rush back then), be a pledge, have a big sister, go through initiation, have formals, etc.



I suppose one difference between myself and the OP is that I was actually quite clueless about the Greek system in general, and had no idea that a chapter closing (due to low numbers) was even a possibility when I joined. When I got my bid, I was thrilled and proud to joining a sorority- I didn’t know anything about “tiers” or that I was joining a “lowest ranked house”. I thought we were just the chapter that wasn’t quite like the others, we were smaller, and that was just how it would be for the next three years. When the decision was made that spring (after initiation), it came as a total shock to me.


I still stay in touch with some of my chapter sisters via Facebook, and I am involved with the local alumnae chapter where I live now. It’s a very active chapter, with events almost on a weekly basis. So that’s something I wouldn’t have now if one chapter hadn’t been willing to give me a chance all those years ago.